Im not neccesarily a feminist, but I've always had co dependancy issues, I have been controlled, manipulated, and hurt by everyone in my life. Im tired of people always hurting me. This seems like a stupid question but how do you take a stand and stop these people from having any influence in your life? I sometimes wish there was schooling on how do I stop people from taking advantage of me and take a stand?
2006-11-01 08:11:48 · 11 answers · asked by beautifullybroken 2 in Social Science ➔ Gender Studies
I understand what you are describing. Fortunately there are classes that are given about dependancy and submission that you can attend and there are also many books around these issues you are talking about.
You can start off like that and if you feel you cannot control yourself from being "the victim" I would recommend counselling.
It might scare you in the beginning but if you try it I am sure it will help you a great deal.
Remember there are "no victims" only victimizers!
2006-11-01 18:51:51 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 1⤋
The first step is to get some self-esteem. This is easier said than done. Therapy may help, or talking with friends, or exercise, or doing something that you enjoy or are good at. This sort of thing takes a lot of time, but as you build up your self-esteem, you will be less tolerant of people walking all over you. Take it from me. I've grown a lot in the years since high school, when I was a walking doormat and my friends regularly told me to grow a damn spine already. Thanks to living on my own (and succeeding at it!), a better class of friends who bucked me up whenever I needed it, and just plain growing up and getting experience, I am much less likely to take anyone's sh!t. I mean, still, lots of work to do, but I'm getting there.
Also, get some new friends. That can also be hard, and it may take awhile, but I promise you, there are plenty of lovely, loyal people out there who will like you and be nice to you and not let anyone talk mean about you. Find those people, and avoid like the plague anybody who has you thinking things like "girls are all so catty!" or "why are boys only after sex?". These are not the good people.
But, really, self-esteem is the most important thing. Feminism as a movement was only able to take off when women stopped belittling themselves and the work they did. As long as we believed we were smallbrained, weak, and overly emotional, we stayed in the kitchen without a voice. When we rejected that, we were able to fight for the vote and the ability to take part in our culture.
2006-11-01 18:55:33 · answer #2 · answered by random6x7 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Stand up for yourself to anyone, anywhere. Empower yourself by realizing the opportunities you have been blessed with. Realize your independence and the things that you do which encourage your independence. As another entry said..."people can't control you if you don't allow them to." That is so very true...so take a stand, NOW, and stop allowing others to use you as their doormat. Once you think better of yourself...so will others around you and their actions/attitudes toward you will change. Good luck!
2006-11-01 16:28:10 · answer #3 · answered by April 2 · 1⤊ 1⤋
You've asked at least two different questions that are not well-related. Empowering yourself does not equate to not letting others run over you. Empowering yourself means not letting what others do control you or your reaction to them. When you allow somebody elses actions to dictate your own, you've empowered them and disempowered yourself. As for taking a stand, just learn to say "NO". It's that simple.
Somebody who thinks empowering themself is all about independence doesn't understand what it means to be empowered. Feminists just don't get it.
2006-11-01 16:22:50 · answer #4 · answered by fishman 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
People can't control, manipulate or hurt you unless you let them. You must stop considering yourself a victim, recgonize their behaviors, and stand firm in your emotional boundaries.
The purpose of having boundaries is to protect and take care of ourselves. We need to be able to tell other people when they are acting in ways that are not acceptable to us. A first step is starting to know that we have a right to protect and defend ourselves. That we have not only the right, but the duty to take responsibility for how we allow others to treat us.
The first thing that we need to learn to do is communicate without blaming. That means, stop saying things like: you make me so angry; you hurt me; you make me crazy; how could you do that to me after all I have done for you; etc. These are the very types of messages we got in childhood that has so warped our perspective on our own emotional process.
2006-11-01 16:22:26 · answer #5 · answered by Violet Pearl 7 · 3⤊ 0⤋
My mother had this same issue, and she somehow just left my father w/ no credit and no experience and nothing to fall back on. I'm not sure exactly how she did it, but I do know that you have to figure out WHO you are and start believing in yourself. Find something you like and are good at and start taking classes- like scrapbooking. So that way you can get compliments and start building self-esteem. It's a start.
2006-11-01 16:22:31 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
First learn the work NO.
Only do what you feel is right. The best decisions should come from you.
When you feel like you are being hurt, stop the rollar coaster and get off the ride ASAP!
2006-11-01 17:45:36 · answer #7 · answered by Dori 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I do not allow anyone to take control over my life :
I work Full time having a career that I put myself through college to obtain
I drive my own car that I purchased
I pay my own bills
I honor myself enough to say No to anyone who doesnt respect me
2006-11-01 16:18:23 · answer #8 · answered by Mopar Muscle Gal 7 · 3⤊ 1⤋
Pumping by men.
2006-11-01 16:18:27 · answer #9 · answered by Pitambri 3 · 1⤊ 1⤋
JUST GROW SOME BALLS AND WAIT FOR YOUR DICK TO COME THROUGH THE MAIL!! BEST OF LUCK!!
2006-11-03 05:18:38 · answer #10 · answered by HADITDUN 5 · 2⤊ 0⤋