I have a dear frind who has been my freind for the last 15 years, I have been seing bruises on her alot lately & she always blew it off as something else.....I went thru her phone & got the proof I needed, I talked to her boyfreinds mom & she had admitted to her that he has hit her.. She has 2 kids that I adore & her of course I love more than anything, I dont know what to do to help her, I just wrote her an e-mail & she is still deniying it.. Why wont she open up to me, she knows I will notjudge her ever, I am scared to death for her & her kids.. HELP how do I get her to see this is a dangerous situation to be in That could end up with her dead
2006-11-01 08:05:48 · 32 answers · asked by bite_me_harder_28 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Friends
Be there for her; do not try to force her to do anything because that will make her want to push you away; and be cool with her boyfriend, as hard as it is to do; because you can remain the only friend that he will let her be around........ that he trust not to pull her away from him. In the mean time work slowly on her with hints and come up with helpful suggestions when she replies with negative answers of why she can't leave............ more than anything, put yourself there, that way when SHE is READY to leave him you will be there to help her get away.
2006-11-01 08:11:57 · answer #1 · answered by JustCurous 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
In a situation like that, all you can really do is tell your friend that if she ever decides that she has had enough, that you will be there for her to help her in any way you can. And stick by that, even if she calls you at 3 in the morning to aks you to come get her and the kids.
I have a good friend who was in a similar situation, and I helped her in spite of her parents trying to encourage her to stay with her husband. It was not healthy for her or her kids. But hse did finally leave and she is better.
I too was in an abusive relationship for over a year. I lost my patience with the situation long before I did anything about it. I was feeling helpless like no one could help me. When I finally decided to take charge of the situation and get me and my son away from the situation, I moved on and haven't looked back.
You may have to give your friend time. But I also know that in the state of Maryland you would be able to file a protective order on behalf of your friend. Check your state's laws on peace orders or protective orders and see if that is something you can do for her. It may be just the thing that saves her life and helf self-esteem, and self-worth.
2006-11-01 08:26:29 · answer #2 · answered by Meesh 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I would go talk to local abusive agency and tell them the situation and what you could do to help. Since there are children involved then you should probably contact child services, your friend might be mad at you at first but just let her know that your only doing it because you love her and don't want anything to happen to her and her kids. You don't want someday get a phone call saying that she is in the hospital. Dont wait!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
2006-11-01 08:40:09 · answer #3 · answered by turnertot1992 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
There are several things you can do. call the police and talk to them, go ahead and tell them what you know and give them the names of everyone involved and ask them for help and advice for you. Try and get pictures of the bruises on your friend, proof for the cops and evidence for the courts. make copies. Now if you have the balls you can confront the boyfriend and tell him you know what he has been doing. Tell you friend you are there for her and she can come to you when ever she needs too. You can also call AA there are some good places and people out there you can talk to. Good luck
2006-11-01 08:14:04 · answer #4 · answered by picture 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sadly many women in abusive relationships will defend the man and deny what is happening out of a sick sense of loyalty and because the "love" them. It's difficult to help those who do not want your help. I suppose the only thing that you can do apart from contacting authorities... would be to have a heart-to-heart with your friend and let her know that you're there for her and concerned about her.
2006-11-01 08:22:51 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
I know of someone who has been through that too. Abusers drill into the person they are abusing that it is their fault. You should let your friend know that any time someone loves you they will not physically or mentally abuse you. A real man will not abuse anyone. Tell her there is a kind man out there looking for her and to wait for him. Tell her that the boyfriend she has is just into the relationship for his own needs. I hope she gets away from it but that will only happen when she admits that she does not deserve the abuse.
2006-11-01 08:11:58 · answer #6 · answered by The_answer_person 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Until your friend admits that she has a problem you will not be able to help her. Just be a good friend, be there for her, try not to nag her too much otherwise you will alienate her and she'll be even more alone. Giver her the opportunity to talk if she wants to. Dont preach or tell her what to do as she needs to make her own decisions.
2006-11-01 08:10:08 · answer #7 · answered by huggz 7 · 2⤊ 0⤋
This is a situation possibly worse than addiction.
If it comes down to it, calling the authorities in on her as a parent may be the only option.
And I hate to say that, because I am truly a compassionate person.
But the most compassionate thing we can do for someone is to do the right thing, and the effective thing, regardless of how it affects your friendship.
2006-11-01 08:08:45 · answer #8 · answered by starryeyed 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
find a movie from lifetime and watch it with her or have a heart to heart and dont let her change the subject blow it off or try to get away let her know your just looking out for her and want whats best and thats not being hit tell her your concern for her and her kids if ses ever seen the movie Enough with J.Lo then shed understand better but then again shed say that never happens but it does everyday tell her to do something quick before she becomes another statistic
2006-11-01 08:09:59 · answer #9 · answered by alicia 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋
shes in a bad situation! i have been there myself. chances are if he is abusive, he probably threatens her not to tell. (that was the case for me) i am willing to bet that she is scared of what he will do to her if she leaves him or reveals to anyone what is going on. I recommend telling your friend that she is in real danger. She needs to get away from him as quickly as possible. guys like that almost always get worse and more controlling - rarely do they ever stop the abuse. (they will make all kinds of promises that they are going to stop though) Tell her she is your best friend and you love her and she really HAS to get out of that relationship immediately. maybe she could also encourage this guy to get counseling. good luck to you and your friend!
2006-11-01 08:12:48 · answer #10 · answered by I know, I know!!!! 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋