I have co- dependancy issues, I let people walk all over me. I apologize to people who hurt me, and Ive never been any other way. I hurt because I want to be more strong of a person but it seems like no matter how hard I try I always am this weak, woman always struggling to become this person I want to be. I feel like everything is holding me back from becoming this person. As a child I lived a sheltered life, I have always been controlled by others and manipulated. How do I learn to take a stand and become a strong woman. How can I keep people from hurting and taking advantage of me. How do I get out of this co dependancy on people? Its so bad that I apologize to someone for bumping into me I ask them to move and they dont move and I say thankyou, I swear Im that bad. I sometimes wanna be a b*tch but I honestly dont have it in me , without being a horrible person ofcourse...
2006-11-01 08:03:16 · 8 answers · asked by beautifullybroken 2 in Social Science ➔ Psychology
I have to tell you, I used to be the same way (and at times I still am). What you said about apologizing when people bump into you, like you had no right to be on the earth in the first place, really struck a chord with me, because for the longest time I was quite the doormat. I remember when I first got out of college that if anyone ever started a confrontation or anything with me, I would just start crying rather than fight back. Then one day, when I was about 25 or so, I'd had enough and I started going after people who had wronged me. It started out small, like if I had an altercation over a parking space at the mall or something, I would fight for my right to have the spot, rather than just give it up like I would have back in the day. Also, the change manifested itself in my relationship. With my ex-boyfriend, I was so accomodating and non-confrontational that he used to say he wished he could see me get mad every once in a while. That was actually one of the reasons he stated for breaking up with me- I didn't ever fight with him. I have no such problem with my boyfriend now- if anything, he probably wishes I was less opinionated and argumentative! I'd have to say two major things sparked the change in me. One was my basic age: I'm 26 now, and it seems that the older you get, the more self confidence and assertiveness you acquire. I mean, some people are definitely born with that no-nonsense manner, but some of us have to acquire it, and that definitely happened with me. These days, if I get scolded by my boss for something, instead of crying in front of her in her office, as I used to when I was 22, I will gladly take her point for point in an argument (and then go home and cry- it never really leaves you.) The second thing that causes the change I think is feeling accepted for who you are by somebody-anybody. Whereas my ex-boyfriend was constantly trying to change me into someone I wasn't, my boyfriend now accepts the good and bad things about me, which allows me to express myself fully, if not always rationally, in an argument or confrontation. I also have a really supportive mom and circle of friends who know who I am, really. One word of caution for you, though, as you try to become this confident, strong woman- don't let your newfound strength overtake you. For a while there I almost even had a bit of an anger management problem because it suddenly felt so good to not have to apologize for myself, to be able to stand up for myself in situations. I may have taken it a bit too far once or twice, ending up in a couple of fistfights and shouting matches, basically disapproving of people in general for what I felt was their basic lack of compassion. All I'm saying is, the softness and sweetness that you so obvioously have in you shouldnever be lost entirely-don't let yourself lose any of the niceness that makes you such a beautiful person. Just add a little edge, so people know they'd best not cross you.
2006-11-01 08:21:27 · answer #1 · answered by fizzygurrl1980 7 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Well, this is deep, but manageable. I've been there, although I don't know if I would thank someone I was forced to go around. Maybe in my teens... I apologized to a door frame once, though. Funny story, got time? I was away at camp in a small cabin with five other girls. Everyone was everywhere, and as an only child, I'd never bumped into someone at home! So I apologized to this door frame, and they thought I was nuts. At least I laughed with them! Still, I apologized for way too many things in my day.
If you live in a highly populated area, then this will work better.
Strangers are the best people to stand up to at first, because you will likely never see them again.
Envision the way others would act first, as a model. Someone you respect, not someone mean.
Then envision yourself in various situations, doing the same thing. That makes it 100% easier to do these things in real life, trust me! Eventually, commanding strangers' respect will become automatic.
Move up in levels of closeness to you.
and expect the closest ones to rebel, revolt, and some of them to drop off the face of the earth.
You didn't need them anyway, if they didn't care enough to change their level of respect for you.
And with your head held high, you will find a new crew, that actually sees you the way you do. The new you.
2006-11-01 10:26:20 · answer #2 · answered by starryeyed 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
How to become stable, strong, and steady?
In all sincerity and as cliche' as it may sound...you become a strong woman by the situations life throws your way. When the tough gets going keep on truckin'. Each situation whether it be good or bad is a growing experience. Pray about everything in your life, including these qualities that you want to attain. A great website to check out that may help you solve these issues is www.joycemeyer.org. Also, a good read for you may be "The Confident Woman," also written by Joyce Meyer. Also, hold your head high and remember that you are a great woman...when you think highly of yourself others will think highly of you as well. Once your mentality about yourself changes so will the way others see/treat you. Oh, and you don't have to be a b**** in order to be the stable, strong, and steady kind of woman that God created you to be. Best wishes & God bless!
2006-11-01 08:18:02 · answer #3 · answered by April 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Get on your own, find an aprtment and support yourself. No boyfriend, just you and friends. Learn to say NO. Its not mean and you should practice it often even when you could do something for someone. Be yourself and go it alone for awhile.
2006-11-01 08:09:25 · answer #4 · answered by Jason M 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
i know that there is def. a raffle. My ultimate chum is a scorpio, her and her bf broke up, 3 years later they have been given lower back mutually and now they're getting married!! For him, it took a great sort of attitude adjustment.
2016-11-26 22:22:49 · answer #5 · answered by rudicil 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
i think we both need to be empowerd. :)
there's such thing as being assertive and aggressive.
Assertive is more, "Excuse me, please let me pass"
Aggressive is "get the hell out of the way, loser"
if ur assertive you;ll be glad ur speaking up for yourself instead of allowing ppl to walk all over you, and get where you need to be w/o feeling crummy.
aggression...well, you get it.
just be sure to have supportive ppl around and toughen up, for lack of a better phrase, ur not a doormat.
:)
2006-11-01 08:11:19 · answer #6 · answered by concrete_girl 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Stand up to people who are bad to you, and be good to the ones who are good to you.
2006-11-01 08:11:50 · answer #7 · answered by Rasha 1 · 2⤊ 0⤋
see inwardly for a moment; your blood is serculating by your heart alone, your lung..is enough for the brith...you are not created being attached on others......you are inrepaceble, sole creatur....come on...see inwardly
2006-11-01 08:18:06 · answer #8 · answered by bikat 1 · 2⤊ 0⤋