Have any ideas why he doesnt visit his newborn son?

Question

I am in the middle of a divorce from my husband our son is 7 weeks old and prior to his birth my husband seemed excited, although we are seperated I set up times for him to visit our son three days a week for 2 hours supervised by my mother. Since our sons birth he has only spent MAYBE 8 hours with him (an hour here, an hour there). My attorney says that is good he does not visit and I am fine with that I just dont understand how someone goes from always wanting a child to not visiting him, supporting him ect. He never calls to check on him, and when I do hear from him he never just says how is our son....he just sometimes says..I love you son. He knows it is his child because he looks just like him and when refering to him he says "MY BOY" but he acts like he does not care but he refuses to agree on custody arangments and is foring us to go to court. Does anyone have ideas?? Just curious

If you have an answer I would also love to know if there is something I can do to fix it??

I am leaving him because he is an alcoholic and has a drug problem, he has been in and out of jail, and has problems, though he has been sober for 5 months once he was clean he filed for divorce, although I am hurt I want my son to know his father.

Answer 1

Probably scared to get too attached because he's not with him all the time OR he's just a selfish dick.

Answer 2

Been there done that!

When I left my first husband our youngest was only 3 months old, our oldest was 5(we had 3 together). He always said that he would be there for them and never was.

He had said that if they want to see him they could call or that he didn't show because he was angry at me. Then it turned to that he didn't want to hurt them anymore than they were (LOL). When I got remarried he said that they had a dad and didn't need him.

All in all these are excuses none of which make any sense. I still can't understand it, our oldest is will be 18 in Dec. and has not seen her father at all in at least 8 years. Our youngest doesn't even have any feelings for him one way or the other because he nevedr knew him.

The only thing I can figure is it may be a defense mechanism. Regardless I have always told my kids if they ever want to see him or call they can and that he does love them in his own way.

Another kicker is the biological mother of my 2 step children does not see them either. There are some similarities between her and my ex but for her there were added issues of drugs and alcohoul.

Your lawyer is right that this is a good thing--- because if he fights for custody more than likely the court will not grant his request because of his history of not seeing your child.

Also a bit of advice---- always play by the rules even if he doesn't.
Offer the grandparents visitation and at least phone calls to keep them up on your sons growth and development. Make sure you get child support. And always tell your child (even if you do not believe it) that his father loves him, talk about the good things about his father. Your son will learn the truth whatever it is when he is older. Just love him fiercly and do whats best for him, which is not always what is best for you

Answer 3

There could be a variety of reasons why he doesn't visit or seem interested in being an active part of his son's life. Anger at you for the divorce, fear of responsibility, fear of becoming too attached to his son...the list can go on.

My son's father moved 250 miles away last year (to get remarried) and he doesn't drive up here to see him and only pays for plane tickets during the holidays. He hardly ever calls. He shows an interest in his son when it is convenient and/or looks good for him to do so.

As far as "fixing" the problem. There really isn't a way to do that. And you certainly don't want to force the issue. That would most likely end up backfiring.

Answer 4

I'm so sorry to hear about a divorce involving a 7-week old child. Your husband is right smack in the middle of breaking a commitment with you, so it is not surprising that he is afraid to commit to his son. Commitment comes with a price, doesn't it? When women have children, there is never any question that they are OUR children because we carry them in our bodies and birth them. But commitment to children is more complex for men, it is a matter of bonding over time. He knows that if he is around his son alot, that bond will develope and it will make his separation from you much more complicated. That is often the reason men just walk away from the wife AND the children...it is just too damn hard and the Courts do not make it any easier either. A man who loves and provides for a child should be given 50/50 custody without question. Good luck with your situation.

Answer 5

I don't know who is getting the divorce and why, but you soon to be ex is probably not happy by the turn of events. This is his son and now he has to be supervised by your mother of all people to see his son. Maybe you should be supervised by his mother when you are around the boy. I think the father may be dealing with depression and other stupid things that people go through when someone ends a relationship! Wake up!

Answer 6

Some men don't form an attachemnt to a child like a borth mother does...think about it...that baby has grown inside your body for 9 months...all your ex did was impregnante him...soem just don't feel the attachment...look at it this way...if he doesn't come around you have better grounds of getting full custody of your child. I know its hard to think about your son not having his Daddy...but unfortunately that's the way some men are. Not all men are that way...you just happened to get one that was.

Answer 7

He sounds unsure of how he should handle this new responsibility. It could also be that he doesn't like the supervised visitation, has he done anything to warrant supervised visitation? He may feel that if he doesn't have as much contact with his son he won't have to be in contact with you. In your case, I wouldn't be to worried about it. He is the one losing out on knowing his son better. Eventually, he will regret his decision to not be around.

Answer 8

first why does he have to be supervised by YOUR mother? if you had still been together would your mother have to come and sit with him to make sure he knows what to do with his own son. maybe that is why he does not come as often as he would like. instead of 'giving him access' tell him he can come and pick HIS son up, take him to HIS family just as he would in 'normal' circumstances. having gone through this myself this is the best thing for both of you. p.s. let him be a dad and enjoy his son ,,just like you do.

Answer 9

my dad did that...it was a bit of failure on his side..he felt guilty that he was all there for me..then when I came he couldn't own up to not making the marriage work. He didn't want to get attached because he wasn't going to be around all the time. And when he did show...there were so many new things that I did he was heart sick from it. IT all worked out later they fixed the problems but he always felt that he missed out on so much....it's just his way of handeling it...let him come around..he didn't forget...maybe he wants to get his life in order before he makes any promises. I know it's tough..in a way you thought it would make things better...but sometimes it doesn't...good luck lady...raise your son to be one hell of a man....

Answer 10

by technique of utilising 6 weeks i had my daughter in a time table, initiate giving him a bath even as each and each and every evening time and feed him after and then enable him nod off as your feeding him, placed him to mattress in his crib and then everytime he wakes up at evening time carry the lights off ( might want to be get a dim evening time comfortable) do not tlk to him or make him excited or inspired then replace his bum and sit down in a rocking chair or notwithstanding inhis room to furnish him some more effective bottle, more effective typically than not by not turning on the lights or talking to him or stimulating him in any respect itll help him stay in a kinda sleepy state so as that once he feeds at evening he will eat and fall decrease back asleep. you'd be able to even with the actuality that be up each and every 3 or 4 hours in spite of the indisputable fact that he will maximum effectual be conscious for like a million/2 hour, now mind you that is going to take some days of a sluggish recurring for him to to get interior the habit of it in spite of the indisputable fact that it really is going to artwork, it took me in basic terms over per week to get a activities depending, i'd say furnish a bath round 8 and performance interesting splash and communicate and all that kinda stuff then even as he receives out provide his bottle and round 9 he must be asleep, secure the agenda and also you should be excellent, :)

Answer 11

Sounds like circumstances concerning the divorce are keeping him from truly acting like a father. He may be afraid that you will try to keep him out of his child's life, so he's trying to soften the blow and get prepared to get the boot.