what do i do about problems my chirldren are having at school with bullying?

Question

My chirldren are having problems with this school sence we moved here. They feel alienated and singled out to be made fun of. They didn't feel like this before at other schools they have attended. But for the last 3 years it has gotten worse at this one. I hate to see them so miserable. My daughter wasn't experencing this as bad her first year but as time has went by it gotten worse. My son has felt this from day one. I have been to the school about it and it seemed to do no good if not make it worse. Please give me some advise, I feel so helpless.

Answer 1

I hope things improve soon, penguin mom. Click below to see the results of my Google search. Meanwhile, here's some advice from a BBC (British Broadcasting Company) website:

"Some children are afraid to talk about bullying as they think telling an adult might make things worse. Whatever age your child is, let him know that you are there for him to talk about anything if he needs to.

If your child does tell you he is being bullied, help him to feel that it's not his fault and that he doesn't deserve to be bullied. Talk together about what you can both do to stop the bullying.

Do take your child seriously if he says he's being bullied. The problem may be easy to sort out, and it may even seem trivial to you, but he needs to feel you're on his side. Remember, girls can be bullies, and they often bully boys, too.

If other students at the school are bullying your child, the school has a responsibility to try to sort the problem out.

If your child is being bullied at school, encourage him to talk to his teacher or form tutor as well as to you.

Contact the school and make an appointment yourself, too. A teacher, tutor or year head will know all the children well and will be able to help you decide the best way of sorting out the problem.

During this appointment, do address the issue calmly. It's natural to feel angry but there isn't any point in being confrontational with the teacher. Discuss the problem and try to come to a resolution. If you feel the issue isn't being dealt with effectively, you may need to contact a more senior member of staff.

If your child tells you about being bullied, keep a record of every incident, noting down what happened with dates and times. This will be useful evidence to take to the school if the bullying continues.

Sometimes bullying takes place out of school hours. It might also be done by students from a different school. If this happens, schools may need to work together to resolve the problem.
Parents of children being bullied could get together and form an anti-bullying action group to support their children."
From:
http://www.bbc.co.uk/schools/parents/life/health_happiness/problems/bullying.shtml

Answer 2

This is a serious issue and very wrong of the school not to treat it as such. Go again and ask to have a copy of their anti bullying policy.....every school is has to have one. Read it carefully, then go back again and ask what steps they took to implement a...b.....or c in the case of your children. Quietly demand answers. The school has a legal responsibility to protect your children. Do they have a guidance teacher they can meet with on a regular basis....at least once a week to discuss what is happening ie improving or not.....also the guidance teacher should be ready to be available any time should they need to discuss something that happened in any day other than the appointed meeting. There is no way your children should suffer at the hands of bullys......atthe end of the day it is the bullys who have the problem.....keep telling them this. IF it is all continues to be unsatisfactory then perhaps time to consider a different school. Make it quite clear to the school in question why and write to the local education authority stating your grievance. Some schools have got to this issue so much better than others. It is a common problem but can be dealt with poroperly....... be strong......if need be find a friend who knows a teacher to speak to off the record.

Answer 3

Oh you poor thing, and your poor children. I was bullied for the majority of my school years, as such I had few friends and they'd all run away when the bullies came anyway. Six years of my life ruined because they chose me to be their plaything.

What can I say? I can tell you the thing that got me through it was my mum's pep talks. She tried going to the school but it just made matters worse, it it ended up me and her against the world. Every night I was upset she would tell me she loved me and that school wouldn't last forever. She'd tell me to study hard so I could leave these people behind me for good. She helped me join clubs outside school & checked that no problem people from school attended them.

She wouldn't let me change schools, in hindsight I think this was probably the right choice. The school bitches would have made sure their friends elsewhere played the same game.

This is 15 years ago. If it happens to my children I'll be down the school with diary of exactly what's happened and a lawyer. Unfortunately in this day and age it's the only thing people listen to. You can't force children to be friends with yours, but you stop the torture.

I would have taken being friendless over being tortured and friendless anyday.

Good luck whatever you choose x

Answer 4

Can you get them into Scouts or Brownies or an out-of-school activity? (I don't know how old they are, so I don't know quite what to suggest) That way they could make some friends outside of school and it'd keep 'em going through the week. It worked for me :-)

Also, go in and speak to the headmaster and kick up merry hell... get the little scrotes dragged into the office if you have to. Or go and speak to their parents if you spot them in the playground. I find that speaking to the parents usually works the best as they are usually ashamed (unless they are total rottweilers, in which case don't go there!)

Also, tell your kids that one day they'll be in the real world and they won't be bullied - it does get better! Also, they will have an inner strength that someone who hasn't been bullied just won't have (and the bully definitely won't have, as they're just weak inside, hence their bullying).

I had such a hard time at school for being 'uncool' - now out of all the people I went to school with I'm definitely the coolest :-)

It sucks being bullied, give 'em a hug from me! And take one for yourself ;-)

Answer 5

Change schools right away. No reason why you can't. Just go along to another school and ask if a) they have vacancies for your age children, and b) can you have a look around. Then see how you feel about it. Don't forget that by law you can educate your children at home. Write or phone "education otherwise", who will tell you exactly what to do and how to go about it, plus support you brilliantly. ( it only involves writing a letter to your local education office and the headmaster).
By the way, I went through all the above with my various children...and home educated the last one. She' 21 now, has a job, and is quite happy. Good luck.

Answer 6

You are right to look for advice and support here; this is a serious problem. But you are in time to prevent long term damage from being done.

There are a lot of support networks out there; I'm not sure where to start but google will get you going quickly.

First rule: big up your kids. Support, love, praise, admire and generally heap positiveness endlessly onto your kids. You are the most important source of self-esteem for them; if you are providing buckets of it, it is much harder for a bully to negate.

If you are part of a couple, it's very worthwhile for both of you to work on this. If not, are there close relatives who can help to fill the gap? There is, for example, a tendency of groups of boys to sense when a boy doesn't have the support of a strong father at home, and to exploit this. But if you can't supply that father figure, that doesn't mean you can't win here. Just keep bigging them up.

Thereafter, tackle it seriously. Encourage your kids to keep diaries of events, and keep your own. NONE of these diaries should be shown to ANY other kids at the school, and they should not be kept in the kids' rooms for that reason. Give them some territory in your room (back of a cupboard, whatever) to keep that stuff safe.

Take on the school; go with support if needed - take someone level-headed who understands the problem with you. Going nuts won't help. Get a meeting with school head. Do NOT take the diaries in at that stage but be prepared to state the existence of YOUR diary only, and to quote some examples from it. Ask the school head for the anti-bullying policy. There should be one. If not, ask why not. "We don't need one" elicits the response "don't you think what is happening here suggests that you do need one?". Ask about training for prevention of bullying - is there any? Then focus in - you are very concerned about your childrens' welfare and that of other children - you've brought these concerns forward before, and you believe they have been ignored. You take this very seriously indeed, and you feel that the school should as well.

You will have to describe some real incidents here - if they don't know the details, they can't do anything - that's fair enough. But give yourself the latitude to hold some information back - "these are just some of the things, I don't want to tell you everything I know now because my children have confided in me and I have to respect that.

This is step 1. Future steps involve talking to the council or even escalating it (formal complaint, lawyers, etc). But delay the moment that you start making big scary threats at them as long as possible. They know they can afford more lawyers than you can, but they also know that if you can show they are at fault, they will not win.

If, on the other hand, you get a positive result from your meeting, you might be willing to copy pages from YOUR diary and give them to the head. Mark "confidential". Keep the original.

You can expect both specific action on the specific incidents and issues, and you can expect them to have policies and training in place as a preventative measure. Failure on either count is a deficiency on their part, and they know it. You just have to show that you're as aware of that fact as they are.

All the best with this, I sincerely hope you win.

Answer 7

if the school dosent do enything about it id get in touch with the police you have to sort this out its gone on 2 long them poor kids must be going throue hell try the councel or try children help line but plz do something before its 2 late if u have to keep them off school then they will have to do something i hope every thing turnes out ok for you good luck

Answer 8

grab the little **** by the coller and say your a bigger bully
or get the head and tell him to sort it or your getting the police in
or if hey are young when brining them to school as you are putting their coat away say in a loud voice if anyone bullies you you tell them i'm a bigger bully.
give their parents a hiding
move school
tell their parents
or go back to one kick the **** out of them and their parents

Answer 9

keep going back to the school
demand that something is done about it.
contat the other kids parents.

if things dont improve then move schools but check the school out before you move them their.

Answer 10

perhaps the school principal would be interested in knowing that you have retained the services of a lawyer in the event that something happened to your kids due to their negligence in protecting the students......