As a parent , should you rat on your own child?

Question

I have a teenager,(who left home), that wanted to go back to school so she can run crosscountry and track. (she recieved a diploma from some school on the net) So she enrolled herself in school, but isn't telling that she already has a diploma. this would make her inelligible to run. Do I turn her in? I'm glad she wants a diploma with more substance, but hate that she is lying and can get the school in trouble. I mean we all make decisions we would like to go back and change, but sometimes you cant. I know she changed her mind about not finishing regular school, but she could tell the truth and still go(they just can't get state funding for her as a student), but she couldn't run. I just feel like she is going to learn that "hey, if I want something , I'll lie about it to get what I want, who cares if its right" that's one of the things wrong with society today. I know if she was selling drugs, i'd have no qualms about turning her in. But for some reason this feels different.

I have wanted to talk to her about this, the problem is, she won't talk to us. Since she turned 18 she has rebelled stating she is an adult and does not have to do what we say. We said, yes you do as long as you live under our roof. So she left. She won't talk to us. The whole situation is so sad. I want to support her, but to her support means giving her money and letting her do as she pleases.

Answer 1

I guess it depends on what you want to teach your child.

If you don't say anything, then you are likely teaching her that she can lie to get her way. You are also teaching her that she can escape the consequences of her decisions (in this case both getting an online diploma and choosing not to disclose it). She will also go on considering her own interest more important than those of her teammates and school. Living this double standard, teammate/liar & libiability, will slowly eat away at anyone's moral character.

If you just report her, or as you state 'rat' on her, then you are teaching her that she may get caught. She is wrong when she is caught being dishonest. This will teach her a lesson in consequences. It may also teach her that she has to be careful with who she can trust, even family.

Finally, you can talk to her about the possible consequences and benefits of each choice. You will be teaching her accountability. This is different than the lesson of consequences. Consequences are imposed upon us. Accountability is when we choose to accept our consequences and stand by our choices. You will also teach her about honesty, integrity, friendship, and teammates.

If she decides not to reveal her situation on her own, then it is time for you to lead by example. It will be time for you to report her because integrity, honesty, and accountability are important to YOU. If you choose to look the other way you are not only condoning her choice, but you are participating in her choice. You are teaching her that honesty, integrity, and accountability are not important enough to live by when inconvenient.

I hope both you and your daughter make the right choice. While I don't have a teenager yet, I know that this could be very traumatic for the both of you. I hope it goes well, but remember, you must be willing to do what is right before you can expect her to do what is right.

Answer 2

As a parent myself this is a hard. You always want the best for them but at the same time you want them to always do what would be the right thing for them. I think you need to see what all could happien if you do tell the school And when you call you just say I would like to know if someone already had a diploma and is wanting to go out for crosscountry and track how would that work. Then you know and it will make it better for you to know if you should tell the school or not . and you do not rat on you own kids. You just do or try to do what you think is best

Answer 3

Wrong is wrong. You will be doing a disservice to your daughter and school if you do not tell the truth.
Imagine the shame and ridicule you, her, and the school may face. if it comes to light. All reputations will be ruined
Furthermore, you have a moral responsibility.
Let her know your position and give her the option of making the right decision, If she doesn't start "ratting."
Besides, if she is as good an athlete as you said, plenty of opportunities will come along. But you as a mother have to set high standards for your child.
Hope she makes it to the Olympics:-)

Answer 4

You shouldn't just go to the school and tell on your daughter. You should talk to your daughter let her know how you feel and see if she will do the right thing on her own. Also let her know that you love her and you are only looking out for her best interest. If she doesn't want to tell then tell her that you will go down there and tell them with her.

Answer 5

Wow, what to do? The only thing with lieing is it ALWAYS catches up to you, not tomorrow or next month, but it will at some point. Talk to her and let her make her own decision, just let her know it will catch up to her, and when it does you will be by her side but you will not bail her out. Lifes lessons are hard learned.

Answer 6

If your child is doing her best than just support her. Talk with her about it and tell her that you think she is being dishonest to the school and maybe the two of you should talk with her prinicpal. You dont want to lose the trust of your child but you do want her to know how important it is to be honest with everyone else.

Answer 7

Was that "internet diploma" from a school that's accredited in your state? Probably not, so there'd be no need to turn her in, and she can go to school without taking a guilt trip.