I put a post to someones question about regretting abortions a few days ago. Well today I get this awful email from this woman saying I should regret not holding my son as he died. First off I think this is a personal choice, and I made the one that was right for me. Second, how could someone hold a baby so tiny (he was 16 weeks gestation) and see his heartbeating and watch him die, knowing there was nothing you could do for him? I guess I'm not that strong. But I couldn't believe the audacity of her telling me I have a lot to regret because I ended his life and never even held him. I was dying!! I would never have made that choice otherwise. I'm sorry, but I just can't believe that woman. If you were in the position of, if you didnt' deliver you would die, no matter what your baby was going to die, and you had three small daughters at home, what would you have done? I don't regret my decision, I regret no having any other choice. I'm so upset!
2006-11-01 07:25:56 · 22 answers · asked by justwondering 5 in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Pregnancy
Sorry, but I have to comment on the birth control issue......what do you care if I use birth control? My kids are well taken care of and if we want a big family that's our choice. If you don't, great more power to you. We love all of our kids, even the son we lost has all the love we can give, who are you to tell me to use birth control?
2006-11-01 07:41:28 · update #1
Don't let her get the best of you.....you did what you felt you had to do.....my girlfriend had an abortion about 2 years ago coz of medical circumstances (baby was 14 weeks) and alot of people gave us crap about it....telling us that we were unfit "kids" and that they hoped we would never become parents....well, I guess they wouldn't be saying that now coz we just became parents to 2month old twin boys....so don't even bother replying to this woman coz then you'll just be stooping down to her level....no one can make you regret a decision like that especially when they know nothing about you.....congrats to you for being strong:)
2006-11-01 07:39:31 · answer #1 · answered by maverick 1 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Many people think their opinion should be everyone's opinion. If you alone have to make the best choice for you and you alone. If something was wrong with the pregnancy and you had other children to think about, then that is what you have to do. I will get a big thumbs down but I am pro-choice. Yes, we need to make sure unwanted pregnancies don't happen, but most births are unwanted pregnancies. There are already far too many children needing adoption to go the adoption route. I can honestly say that at this point in my life, with what I know now, if I got pregnant, I would not carry to term for personal and health reasons. Kudos to you for being so strong and I am certain if she was in your situation, she would have had an abortion too, no mother would try to have a child that would kill her and the child and leave other children motherless. Hugs to you.
2006-11-01 15:32:21 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
Don't worry about her. You made the right decision. A very tough one, but one that was for the best of your family. I had a hard time accepting when my friend had to abort her twins because she was about to start chemo. She had to do what was best for her. Even though she ended up passing about a month and a half ago, I'm sure that terminating the pregnancy helped give her a little more time with the 5 yr/o twins she already had.
You made a hard choice.
If it helps you feel better about what that lady told you, think of this: God gave you a child to hold onto for just a little while, I'm sure he knew what was going to happen, and you did what you could, handed the child back to Him and have fulfilled your responsibility as a mother of your three little girls.
Chin up, and smile!!!
2006-11-01 15:39:46 · answer #3 · answered by Laura R 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
You made the right choice for you. Thank God your daughters have a mother willing to go through what you did to take of them. As for you choosing not to hold your child, we all grieve differently. If you chose not to hold him then rest assured he knew it was that was best for you. I lost a baby at 20 weeks, and had to deliver a still born baby. The nurse didn't ask me if I wanted to hold the baby or not she just put him in my arms. She told me it would help me grieve. I am haunted by that moment and wished I had a choice. Maybe I would have held him but it would have been on my terms and when I was ready. It is only for you to decide what is best for you. Look at your daughters and smile and thank God you are here for them. Screw that shrew for casting judgment on you. You were faced with a no win situation and chose the only choice you had and dealt with it the only way you knew how. My prayers go out to you and your family.
2006-11-01 16:30:34 · answer #4 · answered by amandapanda74 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Rabid pro lifers like most small minded people don't allow for grey areas. First I'm sure no decent doctor would even allow you to hold such a baby so that wasn't your choice. Second holding him wouldn't have changed your regret level any. I know rationalization isn't always healthy but I think if I were in your position I would consider this a medically assisted miscarriage and allow yourself to enjoy the blessings that you have protected with your ordeal guilt free. Besides the rabid pro lifers are also anti suicide so how does she justify her conflicting views?
2006-11-01 15:39:25 · answer #5 · answered by leavemealone 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Don't worry about it. I would have done the same thing. Some situations you can't help and I understand you regreting that you had no other choice. She shouldn't judge you of your decision and she should be thankful she didn't have to make that kind of decision herself.
Focus on you and your daughters and dont worry about what someone emails you from here. They probably have a lot of things they could reflect about themselves first instead of meddling into your life.
2006-11-01 15:42:18 · answer #6 · answered by Lisa 4 · 2⤊ 0⤋
I am so sorry for your loss and I think you went through a terrible thing that no one should have to experience. No one has the right to judge you, especially someone who has never been through that.
I think I remember that question and your answer. And I told off the person who was asking you for more graphic details about everything. She never even expressed her condolences and she showed no empathy or kindness toward you. She just wanted the morbid details because she was "curious" about your son's death. Just awful and I told her she should be ashamed of herself.
Maybe time to change the email settings so weirdos can't send you individual emails.
2006-11-01 15:41:47 · answer #7 · answered by EmLa 5 · 2⤊ 0⤋
I would have done the same, and It's not an easy decision to make, but If I had 3 girls waiting for me at home there would have been not much to think about.. the baby wasn't gonna make it neither would you...your family needs you...I definetely would've done the same. Don't feel upset though, sometimes people just don't know the wholepicture and make biased comments. Sorry you had to go thru this.
2006-11-01 15:31:47 · answer #8 · answered by Baby Ruth habla español 6 · 5⤊ 0⤋
I can't imagine how tough that decision was for you to make. The choice to hold your child or not was your own and no one else's to make. No one on this earth has the right to judge you for the choice you made. If you have no regrets, screw the person who thought you were wrong. Just because that person would have made a different choice, does not make yours the wrong the choice.
2006-11-01 15:31:37 · answer #9 · answered by Meesh 3 · 6⤊ 0⤋
Unfortunate as it is, most people do not completely comprehend a situation before passing judgment. I myself have been guilty on occasion as well. And some things they can not fully understand unless they themselves have had to deal with a similar situation.
I'm not saying that she wasn't in the wrong for sending you an email...and that she must have a "Hippity-Hop" for a set of balls to do so. But sadly she is entitled to an opinion, albeit a misguided opinion because of her failure to comprehend your horrifying situation.
I'd switch your email to "private". Its the only way to protect yourself.
I'm sorry for you're loss and hope you heed the advise of making your email private.
2006-11-01 15:38:57 · answer #10 · answered by gypsy g 7 · 2⤊ 0⤋