I've been married for 5 years broke up got back together several time except the last two times I met someone and I fell in love. It was too difficult keeping up w/ the relationship w/ this guy because of the fact that I was still married. I have tryed to work things out with my husband but I cant because I love the other guy I cant live without him. I have tryed but I cant because he is what my husband isnt. My husband is very imature and he is not in love with me I know because he has told me & I am not in love with him but we have two kids and a life together. The other guy is not father material neither is my husband but that is my childrens father. I dont know what to do. What would you do?
2006-11-01 07:19:31 · 23 answers · asked by pink 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
I am a good mother because its me who has done everything for them there father has not done anything except make them and he has cheated he has done drugs behind my back I have given him chances because every one deserves a chance to make things better except he cant. Yes, I have thought about the children thats why I always go back because thats there father and I dont want some guy to come and try to be their father but I do love this guy. I am 21 years old and I dont want to turn 40 and decide that I want to get a divorce after all that time wasted.
2006-11-01 08:28:20 · update #1
Be alone for awhile. You need to figure out what you want and need. Sounds like you are trying to pressure yourself to pick. You don't want to make a choice you will regret. Just take some time to sort it out. You need time to let your husband go (if that is what you choose), and get your foundation again. Think of your kids too (I am sure you are), as this will be confusing for them just with their parents separating. You will feel better about yourself and your decisions if you get out on your own for awhile. Stay strong, I wish you the best.
2006-11-01 07:25:25 · answer #1 · answered by Carey L 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Find a new way to work things out with your husband. Obviously, there was love there at some point because you got married and had two children, and the children need their father...he can be a great father to them. Men take longer to mature, it's sad, but true. Try counseling or a great book to read is "The Five Love Languages" Find out what eachother's love language is, then work on it by talking their lingo. Every marriage is worth saving as long as you aren't being abused. The love you feel for the other guy is only because of what you feel towards your husband right now.
Honestly...the last thing you and your children need is a different man who won't be a father to them. You will lose your "love" for him too, because your kids are hopefully important to you.
2006-11-01 15:25:12 · answer #2 · answered by ltlchk_2 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Why stay in a marriage where neither of you love the other? In the short run it may be good for the kids, but you can't keep up the charade forever, and then the kids will end up being hurt even more. There is no need to drag the new guy into the kids' lives as yet, so don't start thinking about him being father material.
2006-11-01 15:45:49 · answer #3 · answered by DownAndOut 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
First why would you even look at a man that is not father material?
You have children, you "fell" for a man not father material, which makes you immature. You went looking for you not your responsability.
Your first RESPONSABILITY is to the children. If you and your husband can at least be civil, then your children want both of you. End of story.
At one time you found your current husband attractive and fun and everything you wanted in a man. He is still the same person. Why did your view of him change? He did not go from mature to immature.
I think both of you need to forget about what is mature and instead step up and take responsability to provide a loving and constructive home for your children.
Get over your personal needs, you surrendered them when you brought the children into the world.
2006-11-01 15:28:34 · answer #4 · answered by ? 4 · 3⤊ 0⤋
leave your husband if you don't love him, because if both of ya'll aren't happy, the kids can sense it and it effects them. The kids watch ya'll fight and have it set in their minds that this is what marriage is. It will effect them in relationships when they get older. Millions of people with kids have gotten divorced and the kids survived! but you have to be very involved with your kids and see how they are responding to the situation. You have to explain to them what is happening and why it is happening and that it is not their fault!!
I don't know what you mean by the second guy would not be a good father, if you mean that he will treat them bad or rudely then, no, you don't want to be with him, but if it is because he is too good with kids, give him time, he will learn.
I don't have any kids of my own, but i am dating a guy that has 2 kids, and it took me a few weeks to figure things out, but I'm on board now!!! hang in there girl! Life is tough and throws a lot of hard decisions your way, but just know your options and figure out which one will be the best for the kids. It's not always the best to stay together just for the kids!! well that's my opinion, i hope it helps somehow!!
2006-11-01 16:00:07 · answer #5 · answered by flowergirlsdy 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I would think it out completely.
It takes years to really get to know someone.
So how well do you know this other guy?
When you are able to fart and go to the bathroom in front of them you really know each other (YES I KNOW THAT REALLY IS BAD IMAGE, BUT ITS TRUE)
Why don't you love your husband?
Is this other guy just an escape from your life and what you want is a new life?
You can't get a new life, but you can try and fix the one you have.
Any way you look at it it will take work.
Relationships take work whether its with your husband, kids, this other guy it will take work.
I would figure what has the better pay off in the long run to happiness and work for that one. The catch is that future happiness said mean immediate happiness and vice a versa.
2006-11-01 15:36:12 · answer #6 · answered by snack_daddy10 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
OK...I am outside looking in....First of all, you need to work things out within yourself and not worry about your soon to be ex and your new boyfriend. You mentioned that neither is "father material".....For Gods sake, take care of your kids first. Be the best parent you can be to them. Do you not love your kids more than life its self?????......tell the men in your life to go pound sand and take care of you and your Innocent kids!! Be more independent. Be more responsible with your actions. If you need a penis to hold on to so that you feel something, go buy one that uses batteries and does not talk back. Again, clean your head, take action and most important, take care of the children. These words coming from an 33/M married for 6 years with 2 kids.......
2006-11-01 15:45:25 · answer #7 · answered by aubreytaegan 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Don't quote me on this, but I read that the average person falls in love about 4-8 times in their whole life. Naturally you can't up and go every time that this happens. At some point you have to remember that your vows are important. They are important despite how you feel not because of how you feel.
You are thinking of running, but remember your husband is obviously very unhappy with you too. Why? Are you blameless? If you are so much more mature than he is, then as a wife it is your job to guide him where you are. Isn't that what husbands and wives should do for one another??
Would you give up on a child that was less mature than his/her peers? Remember what love is.
Good luck
2006-11-01 15:43:15 · answer #8 · answered by Big Marc 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It sounds like you are in a relationship with 2 immature guys. However, you are acting irresponsibly with regard to your children. You say the other guy is NOT Father material. Why would you subject your most precious possessions to his influence. How long do you think it will be before he makes you choose him over your kids? What sort of example are you setting for them and what message are you sending. You have alot of growing up to do as evidence by the selfish behavior you indulged in an ADULTEROUS AFFAIR. Do you realize these are legal grounds to have you declared as an UNFIT MOTHER and you could LOSE YOUR KIDS???? Get your life together before you make the mistake of your life.
2006-11-01 15:28:33 · answer #9 · answered by GrnApl 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Your kids need to be a priority, not which man. After a while, maybe your head will clear of this nonsense, or maybe you and your husband can get things straight. But for now, don't be selfish, a man should NOT come before your children, whether he is the father or not. Good luck :)
2006-11-01 15:33:43 · answer #10 · answered by metallicachic82 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋