How can I control my teenager?

Question

My teenage daughter Elizabeth had been a good kid in elementry school and middle school, but now that she's in high school she's out of control. Her grades have gone from A's and B's to straight C's. I've talked to her about her classes, but she's unresponsive. Her teachers say she has potential, but just refuses to try.
Her new friends are also worrisome. She's got a new boyfriend who's a junior (she's a freshman) and I'm worried about that relationship. Her new friends also smoke, drink and party every night.
How can I get my daughter back? I've talked to her about consuling, but she refuses to go. I'm a single mom, and I want Elizabeth to have a good future. I want her to go to college, but at the rate she's going, she'll never get a scholarship. What should I do?

I'd love to monitor her T.V. and phone, but I work late (single mom) and I'm usually not home till 7.

Answer 1

It's called Tough love, don't be her friend, be her MOM! Tell her to get her grades back up or she is grounded. It's a hormone thing all teenagers go through, have patience, but be strict. And whether she wants to listen or not, PLEASE teach her about safe sex. A child can be put on birth control even if they are not having sex. I would hate to see you on here in another couple of months asking what to do for a pregnant teen.LOL

Answer 2

I am the mom of a 14 year old boy so a little different and he is pretty easy to handle. They say girls go a little crazy when they hit high school, I know I did. Take control now. Here is how I would try.

Don't give her the choice about counseling make her go or don't let her do the things she wants until she is willing to try it.

Don't try to be her friend, there is plenty of time for that when she is an adult, be her parent.

Be consistent. I know how tough that one is I am a single mom also and haven't always been good in this area.

Get help from a family member/friend of yours that she likes and admires, encourage her and them to spend time together maybe weekly. They can grab a bite to eat or a movie. Don't be afraid to ask for help it isn't weakness on your part.

Limit her contact with friends and a boyfriend you have issues with.

Set house rules it is your house and her home. Make her do chores which must be done before you get home and if she doesn't do them there will be consequences.

Kids thrive when there is discipline and order. She may not like you much now but will respect you.

Also make her improve her grades by setting standards, with my son C's are not acceptable and if he gets them he will lose privileges.

Don't give up...remember you have gotten this far. Hang in there and good luck.

Answer 3

ok love, here goes. i'm 16, so yeah, my oppinion may help you understand some of the things your daughter is doing. first off, if you even try to monitoring her phone/ internet, 1. she'll find a way around it, (i sure have) and 2. she'll never respect you. ever. a girl's privacy is a very sacred thing.she'll only withdraw and try to go against you more if you snoop. On the grades, don't be shoving your hopes and expectations down her throat ( i'm NOT saying that you are, i'm just saying don't). you should def. tell her the importance of doing well in school, but don't lecture or scold. listening is a ton better. figure out HER side of the thing, (what she wants to do, why she doesn't try hard, etc.) She may be unresponsive, at first. but she may be withdrawing from you because you may be over bearing or scolding/ lecturing her "all the time" try not to talk down to her, but try to get to know her. (get to know, not get to be best buddies with. she needs a mom, not a friend from you) don't be condescending, yet don't go down the "i've been there and i know what it's like" road, that's used a ton when really parents DON'T know what it's like. hope this helps.

Answer 4

I'm a teenager , i'm telling my opinion don't get mad . Drinking is not bad if it is controled , when you fell a little dizy just stop ! About smoking I hate it , it ruines the body , just show her what smoking could do , not now , not in a week , show her some documentaries . But don't say that YOU think , show her some trustfull proofs and researches like discovery channel . I hate it when my mom tells me a bunch of crap just to make me stop doing some thing , About the boys ... she will find out very soon that boys don't want a looooong relationshop filled with love and bla bla bla prince charming and other crap . No , if she is a freshman and the guy is a junior , he will make hurt her , but at least she will learn the first lesson in freshman girls hanging with older boys . Happend to a lot of my girlfriends ... but they didn't thought it will happen . nooo they thought it will last forever . But don't worry , don't be desperate , things will solve once she will suffer a litle bit . Try to be like this generation , for instance i have been passing to a lot of crap in high school , first i was a rocker , then a rapper, then i thought going out with some girls will be ok , but no .... a lot to say and i'm only a boy ! girls are waaay more complex ,, i can't understand a thing my girlfriend is blabing about . ;)

Answer 5

I have a sixteen year old son and am going through the same thing except he does not have a girl friend. He meet up with a new bunch of friends that drink, smoke and do pot. So now he does. He quit his soccer team and his behavior is horrible; it is not anyway near how he was raised. His friends come from reputable homes and are all stars on the all the sports teams at school. I have been heartbroken and have tried counseling which he did go to but did not change anything. My only advice is to hang in there and keep talking to her. Not nagging, just talk. I always tell my son that I love him and miss him. Do not give up on her and let me know you are there for her. Good luck! I will keep you posted.

Answer 6

I believe in tough love. My kids had to keep up their grades or no privileges. Drinking and smoking were always taught to be wrong. My husband and I never allowed smoking or drinking in our home, we lead by example. Act like a Mom not a friend! Try to spend more time at home when she is there, you need to be watching her!

My sons are both 21. They attend a very good University on scholarships. Only one drinks a little and just started this year, the other does not drink at all. They go to church because they were raised that way. They are good, kind, respectful and responsible young men!

Answer 7

sounds like you have a problem, even so remember your still her mom nd there is nothing that you cant do to help her. Maybe she feels perpressured. Try and get her involved in family related things or somthing like sports. Also please dont let her get too close to this bf of hers, i know exactly how that road ends up and it can be pretty scary. You must remember that she is a teenager and it is highschool and probably as you remember a time of experimenting and fun and games, let it be clear that there are consequences and privleges that can be taken away. There isnt much you can do to get an instant change in her behavior but keep a very close eye on her for the better of both of you!!!

Answer 8

Maybe she's depressed, she should see her doctor for an evaluation. I was like that as a teenage (suffered from depression)so my parents sent me to a boarding school which didn't change to much just different friends, when I left school my parents told me I couldn't come home and had to find my own place to live and a job, I straighten up really fast. Now I have a wonderful husband three children and a great career.

Answer 9

She "won't" go. You need to let your daughter know who the parent is, because there seems to be some confusion. If you schedule a counseling appointment, eventually she'll begin to open up. This sounds like a little teenage rebellion, just lay the law down and Good Luck!

Answer 10

Its a new day and age, thats what teenagers do... drink, party and date... if your not doing it your not cool! The best thing in my opinion to do is trust your daighter and let her know you do, also encourage her to have fun but know the difference from right and wrong, my mother let me have my freedom knowing that she could trust me and because of that I did not abuse that trust
( well that often anyway ). I just know that when I was that age I wanted to be respected too, just lke she did. She let me do pretty much whatever I wanted but she always had to know where and with who, that was just the deal...let her go out and do what she wants ( of course within reason ). My mom used to always write down the tags to my friends cars ( without me knowing ) so she was overprotective but hid it very well.... she always asked for telephone numbers of who I was with, she never called but I always gave them to her..I got what I wanted so I gave her what she wanted!!! good luck.. As for the grades go, she just needs to UNDERSTAND how important her future is and how important it is to complete school so her future is bright.... a lot of kids jsut dont get it or they just dont care, find out which one it is and go from there. All children this age these days are not like they used to be......... they start bad things at a younger age.