To go to counseling. We have such a difficult time communicating, it always ends up in a fight. I am unhappy with our situation right now and just want it to get better. He refuses to try this, he says it doesn't work. I think it could help or at least couldn't hurt to try. How do I get him to try this out?
2006-11-01 07:11:13 · 16 answers · asked by little mama kat 23 3 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
he doesn't want to put forth the effort, or the time. just go yourself and work on you. we can't really force anyone to do anything they don't want to.u will learn a different way of communicating with him, and it will be a positive thing in your life.
2006-11-01 12:43:50 · answer #1 · answered by jude 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Sounds like he is not accepting any responsiblity for his part the state of the relationship. Denial, denial denial.
Get some books and do some reading on better communication skills. That is a place to start anyways. Try to watch your own behaviour/ tone and type of question to make sure that you do not aggrivate the situaiton further.
Stuff like: You always, why can't you type of stuff.
Try: I feel..... when you, I would like for us to......... I miss .........
If he will not accept that he is part to blame then there is not much you really can do. You will need to make stand and do what is best for you and kids (if any).
Some people don't see the light until you drop the hammer, that may be what it takes to have him see. Only at that time will he turn around and make the effort. If not, he really didn't want it as bad as you did.
That being the case, it is his loss. He will loose the best women to ever enter his life (without question).
2006-11-01 15:39:09 · answer #2 · answered by SRC 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Going to counseling alone might help you, but not the relationship. Those take 2 people to make them run right.
Try to find out what he dislikes - is it telling a stranger about his problems - is it admitting he even has problems? Is he worried he can't fix things?
Some counseling just teaches people how to argue more effectively and use bigger words.
Perhaps he would be open to trying something structured in a more private environment - numerous self-help books can be used at home over a weekend to start a dialog.
I don't agree with everything the guy says, but here is an example:
http://www.amazon.com/Relationship-Rescue-Strategy-Reconnecting-Partner/dp/0786866314/sr=1-9/qid=1162412653/ref=sr_1_9/104-1357193-7520730?ie=UTF8&s=books
2006-11-01 15:25:47 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
My wife wouldnt go to counseling I allowed her to pick the counselor she didnt do it. Finally I made an appointment ane told her either come with me or lets start dividing up the marital assets. She showed the counselor worked with us and all went well till she admitted she was having an affair and didnt love me anymore. You must tell him its my way or the highway and hope that losing you is enough of a deterrent to get him there.
2006-11-01 15:30:20 · answer #4 · answered by fortyninertu 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Whether he goes to couples counseling or not ; don't let it stop you from going and getting individual help. You may find that talking to an impartial party can shed light on your situation and you and enable you to make a decision that will make you happy.
Good Luck.
2006-11-01 15:32:35 · answer #5 · answered by GrnApl 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If your husband can't communicate with you, what makes you think he'll talk to a stranger about the personal aspects of your relationship??
If he's refusing to help, you may need to consider moving on. It seems you've hit a brick wall.
2006-11-01 15:20:30 · answer #6 · answered by Rachel 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I am in the same boat, but I found one way to get her there. I told her it was time to go to counseling or time for me to move out with the kids.
It sounds drastic, but I was at my wits end also. I tried everything else to get her to go. This did help us repair our relationship.
2006-11-01 16:00:44 · answer #7 · answered by Me 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Start going to counseling by yourself. Maybe if he sees it start working for you, he will start going. It couldn't hurt. Good Luck.
2006-11-01 15:13:20 · answer #8 · answered by KC 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
ask him to go to at least one meeting, then you can decide from there.and tell him, what does he have to loose by going to one...
this is for you both
Something Specially
For You
I said a prayer for you today
And know God must have heard-
I felt the answer in my heart
Although He spoke no word!
I didn't ask for wealth or fame
(I knew you wouldn't mind)-
I asked Him to send you treasures
Of a far more lasting kind!
I asked that He'd be near you
At the start of each new day
To grant you health and blessings
And my friendship to share your way
I asked for happiness for you
In all things great and small-
But it was for His loving care
I prayed the most of all.
By: Kenny P. aka-Cobra
2006-11-01 15:17:21 · answer #9 · answered by Cobra 5 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Tell him he has everything to gain and everything to lose - Tell him you are going with or without him. Then go to counseling...
2006-11-01 15:14:40 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋