can two people be married and live in separate rooms?

Question

my husband has done lots of bad things in our marriage (lieing, quiting his jobs without discussing it first with me, holding a secret crush with some woman i don't even know, spending our money on stupid things etc...) all this hurt me but not as much as i thought it would....i asked for a divorce but he fights me on it...so now i just don't do anything i don't cook for him or clean or his laundry or dishes, i just refuse to act like a wife....i talk to other men, i just think and worry about myself and i'm only nice when i want something from him.....he still won't give me a divorce so now i'm depressed lying in bed all the time......without a job or nothing.......i don't trust him at all....any advice

Answer 1

Well.....sounds like you're my twin. My husband won't leave. We've been in seperate rooms for 6 years. It's my house, it was willed to me. I have a little money that was willed to me. Not much. Put it this way.....it would probably take it all to fight my way through. He has refused to work at any regular job so I'd be forced to pay him alimony. It has gotten to the point where he delivers pizza to make just enough money to by his beer and his food. But he does it under the table so there's no record. Since this is my house, he won't contribute a dime to any bills. Utilities, food, laundry detergent, etc. Why? He's angry that my parents left me this when they died and said he's not going anywhere till his parents die and leave him money.....then he's gone. He's basicly lived off me since we got married. Yep....I'm the fool and right now too old to have a "fresh" start. It weighs on me day and night. I have children....but they are grown and not his. This was given to me and my children by my parents and his jealousy is so deep and destructive I'm doing what I can to preserve what little I have and he's determined to take it all. Don't wait.......I sure don't want to see anybody in the shape I'm in. He has this attitude that he will get it away from me one way or another. It's owed him because of his childhood.............it's sick. He's partied and screwed his life away and he's desperate...........

Answer 2

Well, this seems like a pretty simple thing. First, get a job, second see a lawyer and third get that divorce. Your marriage is going no where, and he can't stop you from getting a divorce. He can contest it, but you can fight that no problem. But before you can do that, you need to live in different places or he can lie and say you two are trying to work it out. So, again, get that job and move. It's the best thing for you.

Answer 3

Do you have kids? That could make the situation a bit harder. When a couple is sleeping in seperate beds, it is over(not in all cases). You two need to have a sit-down conversation on finances and your marriage in general. And if he doesn't want to talk or says that everything is fine, take it into your own hands and get the divorce papers. You two might as well be single, it is like the marriage is a show for the people who think that you two are "together". Good luck! :)

Answer 4

I agree. See an attorney. This life is a one time deal...there are no second chances. Time is the enemy here, whether you decide to stay and be miserable or find the will to leave. You can stay in the same situation and be miserable a year from now or move on and find happiness and be a different person a year from now. He doesn't have to agree to a divorce. Do some soul searching and get out.

Answer 5

If you do not be his wife you should file for the divorce. In most state with no fault divorce law only one party (husband or wife) must demonstrate to the court that there are non conciliatory difference and that they do not want to be married any more. You do not need your husband permission to file and there is a plenty of legal help for people who can not afford to pay.

Answer 6

You are basically divorced already. So why not get a job, so that you'll be able to pay for your eventual divorce. + A job will give you some feeling of worth. Dont be concerned that he won't GIVE you a divorce. It's not his choice. HIs major concern is that he probably doesnt want to be required to pay you anything.
Check around for a good divorce attny!

Answer 7

If he hasn't screwed you in a year you might be able to get a divorce based on abandonment. Most states have that there is a continuous period of abandonment you can get a divorce.

Have you tried marriage counselling?

You could just leave him too. Get a job and leave. Do you have any children of the marriage?

Answer 8

Yes; Get your a*s out of that bed and get you a job, and yesterday would not be soon enough!! You have let him get the best of you, and you don't have to take it. Get you a job, so you can support yourself, and one day out of the blue, put his things on the porch, change the locks, and get a restraining order on him to leave you alone. Get you a good attorney, and while your at it get you a good man to lean on. There are guys out there that would just love to have a good woman, and one that will appreciate you. Don't take his BS like this. Get on with your life. I wish I knew you, I would take you out and show you how a real man treats his lady. There is no use in anyone treating you like this, and you have got to know, you don't have to take it!! Do what I'm telling you, or you will just wallow in pitty, and be depressed the rest of your life. Good Luck!!!

Answer 9

The question is what is the reason that he is giving you for not divorcing you. That does not mean that you treat a person bad. You have to find what you had in common with him to bring you together and build on that.

Answer 10

Yes my wife and I sleep in separate bedrooms. We have not done anything for 8+ years, and we just barely talk.
She does cook, keep the house clean, and pay the bills. All she wants me to do, is bring the check home.