Help, tired 18 month old with unbelievable temper tantrums, what can I do?

Question

She gets put to bed every afternoon for her sleep and most of the time won't sleep even though she's tired. I get her up when she needs to be awake whether she's slept or not. She has had one pm sleep in the last 2 weeks and that was for half an hour and now she has started having horrendous temper tantrums which last an hour or so. She doesn't like being cuddled, talked to or any contact while she is having them, but can't calm herself down. Had to put her to bed while she was having one tonight, didn't know what else to do. She evntually calmed down, went to sleep and then started again half hour later. Has anybody been through this or have any ideas. My older boy could always be distracted but so far haven't found anything that works.

It is just a temper tantrum-nothing wrong with her. I do try to ignore the behaviour, have got a 3 year old son as well so have been through this before but if she doesn't want any contact or cuddles or me talking to her because it winds her up more don't know how to help her get through it when she obviously doesn't know how to calm herself down. I would never hurt her just don't know how to convince her to sleep when she needs it and then she won't have so many tantrums because she won't be so tired. Usually she's lovely, just not so great when she's overtired. We have a good bedtime routine going and this is the first tantrum at bed time where i've had to let her get on with it. Makes me feel like a cr*ap mum cos I can't help her

Answer 1

Mine had something similar about the same age and I found it was a food allergy. Partly because at that age they are trying all new things to eat -including sweets which are loaded with additives- we found it was these setting the scene and chocolate was the final trigger for the tantrum. 30 minutes after eating chocolate or a choc substitute she would be away ... in one case dancing across a busy road, in another crying uncontrollably.

If you want to take this further you could try the 'rotation diet' in the book called 'Food for thought', which will help you isolate the food groups.

If you can't be bothered with that then cut out all caffeine - including cola- all crisps (E621 monosodium glutamate) and all jelly sweets (E102 tartrazine) and bright squash. You can keep good quality dairy milk and cheese (I suggest anchor/organic/channel island) but cut out chocolate. Something in the way chocolate is processed might be the problem, rather than the ingredients.

Answer 2

My daughter too has awful temper tantrums. She usually has one when I put her down for a nap and I now let her just cry it out and she then falls asleep. She does this at night sometimes also and I just have to let her handle it herself. Maybe she isnt feeling well maybe an ear infection how long has she been having these? If my daughter wakes up at night and is crying I look in on her too make sure she didnt hurt herself(without her seeing me) and then I leave her alone. At first she would go one for a while and I would go in and get her and try to help. I figured out that I wasnt helping so I leave her alone for a while. I went through her not sleeping for a while, but it was a phase for her. I know its difficult I would call her Dr for some advice also they have heard it all and may have something no one else will think of. Good Luck and we have all been there.

Answer 3

It is all do do with attention seeking. If you shout at her or try telling her that what she is doing is wrong, you are still giving her attention. Reward her for good behaviour and ignore her when she is throwing a tantrum.

Set out a routine and stick to it, the more your daughter knows what is happening the better it will be for both of you.

During the day try to keep her busy, try to cut out the afternoon naps so that she will be tired enough to go to bed at night and sleep the whole way through even if you have to put her to bed early.

I would advise watching Super Nanny, some of her ideas really work...especially the "naughty step" and the bed time routine.

Answer 4

Well first off, when you lay a child down to sleep, don't wake them up when you feel like they should get up. She may be 18 months but let her sleep! And maybe you need to take her to the doctor and make sure that everything is fine with her on the inside. She could have a tummy ache or something could hurt and she's not telling you. All I can tell you is when she acts like that,ignore her. Let her have the tantrum becasue the worst thing you can do is go running to her and bribing her with things just to get her to stop or to go to sleep. I have a 2 1/2 year old and I go through worse than just getting her to go to sleep. You just have to let them know who the parent is. And plus she is testing you. So if she dosen't sleep when you want her to, don't force her. Just talk to her doctor on what to do and they can give you advise. The best thing is to let her go outside and play. Take her to the park like an hour or two before she has to take her nap and tire her out, and I bet she will fall asleep. Hope all this helps!

Answer 5

Firstly, be reassured that temper tantrums are really common with this age group. The kind of things that normally sets the tantrums off are not getting what they want (eg, you say "no" to them), not getting (your) attention when they want it, and not being able to express themselves to you. The child expresses their frustration through the tantrum. A real full-on tantrum is one where the child actually loses control, but in other situations the tantrum is fairly controlled - I call this latter kind a "paddy". OK, now, of course I don't know what sort of thing normally sets off your daughter on her tantrums or whether they are a true tantrum or a "paddy". But the key piece of advice I can give you is, whatever she wanted before the tantrum, don't give in to it afterwards. Eg, if she asks for a biscuit/cookie and you say "no" because it's nearly dinnertime, and she has a tantrum, don't give her the biscuit. Otherwise, she will learn that having tantrums is a way to get what she wants. Instead, try to be in tune to what she wants/needs. Eg, you know dinner will be another 20 minutes away and it's been a while since her last snack, so offer her something you're comfortable with (a slice of fruit maybe), before she asks for the biscuit. Also, contrary to some other answers here, I don't believe you should "punish" a child around this age for having a tantrum. I would only move/remove my boy for his own safety, but otherwise try to ignore him. However, you need to make it clear to her that hurting you in any way is not acceptable. Try to have a conversation with your child about this when she is calm. Then make sure there are "consequences" for this sort of behaviour at other times (as well). Eg, we do a kind of "time out", which we call "thinking time", where our boy has to sit and look at the wall and "think"; I sit behind him there, explaining why it's not nice to hit Mummy, that it hurts etc, just for a minute or two, then he has to say "sorry" (in an age-appropriate way), and give Mummy a kiss and a cuddle. One thing that really worked with our boy's paddies (he never had uncontrollable ones) was when I said to him mid-paddy, "Mummy's having a really hard day today - can I have a paddy too?" Then he stopped, nodded, and looked on while I lay on the floor and pretended to have a paddy. He even smiled a little - so we took turns having paddies, then stopped and had tickles and a good laugh about it!!

Answer 6

i got two kids under 2 1/2, and i also run a website for parents where i write advice columns. i research everything i right about so i know that what i say is good avice.
not all 18 month olds need a sleep during the day
stop trying to get your child to sleep during the day. try it for a few days and see what happens
when it comes to temper tantrums, leave them. be somewhere that they can get to when they decide to come to you. by trying to give your child a hug abd attebntion you are only going to aggravate them more. leave them and go to a rrom wheer they can easily get to. when they do come to you give them the love and attention that they want.
you may find that she sleeps better at night f you stop making her have afternoon naps.
if she does fall asleep later in the afternoon allow her 1/2 an hour but not much longer as this will affect her night time sleep

Answer 7

You poor thing. I understand totally because I now have a 3 year old and I had to go through that very thing. What I did was I played with my child and read to her and made nap time worthwhile. Give her a fulfilling lunch and then put her in front of the tv and let her watch Disney channel or her favorite show and watch and learn. She's trying to tell you something and the only way she can get your attention is if she's rolling around on the floor and cutting up. Toddlers are so funny sometimes, but you have to be aware and pay plenty of attention to them. I don't recommend spanking because that will make things worse. And you're welcomed

Answer 8

Poor you, you must be worn out...console yourself with the thought that it does not last forever....she WILL calm down....classic advice is to absolutely ignore the tantrum behaviour, act as if it is not going on even if it is right in your face, it is just a complete explosion of total frustration....she is only 18 months!! She maybe doesn't even KNOW why she is screaming!!! Jeeze its like early premenstrual tension!!! But seriously...look at her diet, she may have a sensitivity to something...perhaps her sleep pattern is just not fitting into when you want her to sleep...maybe try some other tactic...a quiet story time or some calm activity, some kids just dont do afternoon naps! She is maybe really on the ball and just does not want to miss any of the action, my nephew is like that...he is very advanced for his age! Needs constant attention because of this as he bores easily/learns fast....
I hope you get some good tips! Good luck!

Answer 9

first of all my heart goes out to you,i tought my son was troublesome, maybe not.
1 and half hours before bed time, play a game with her even for 10 minutes, then tell her its bath time.remember you are the boss, dont listen to her tantrums, always give her praise even for the smallest thing.After bath give her some fruit or something u like to eat together, followed by a story of her choice.
always tell her the plan before it happens so she is prepared for it. and stick to the plan every night
when she is in bed sit with her untill she goes asleep, this may take a while to get started but you must perservise if you want it to work.over time she will get used to it and she wont need you there to help her sleep

Answer 10

I got advice from a doctor once on this...
Don't punish and yell, it is meaningless to an 18 month old.

WHen they do that, wrap your arms around them and hold them snugly, but nt painfully. Tell then in a soft voice that youll let them go when they stop acting this way. You have to stick with it.

They don;t like the restraint and will struggle and yell.. You need t be calming and patient, even singing to them softly.

It does feel good to punish them by restraining, but it is not hurtful. They eventually yield and learn not to do this.

Works for dogs too.