sorry about my wording ,but i need good advice?

Question

im 33 years old,my last ex girlfriend she was 15 years older the me .i went together with her for 5 years and 6 months but because reasons we split .i still like her i do love her from the deep of my heart but nathing more to do with sex ...i just like her a lot and she likes me a lot too.i met my present girlfreind and we had a baby,i love and like a lot my girfriend too.Now my ex want to see the baby,but my present girlfriend do not know im still talking with my ex (( it is real ,nathing going on between me and my ex we just friends )) my ex she got breasth cancer and i want to help her with all my sport,.she is going for a treatment next monday and me ex told me she want me to be beside her when the doctores put her to sleep...i want to be there to be honest ,i owe to much to my ex ,but i dont know how to start to tell the mum of my baby i still talking with my ex .
do u think my girlfriend will accept it or she will be upset?
i dont know what to do fell like to kill my self!!!!

Answer 1

what a nightmare....dont kill yaself tho!! cos by the sound of it you have got 3 people in this world who need you, your baby for 1, your current g/f, and your ex.
tell you g/f how you feel if she loves you she will understand, tell her to put herself i your ex's situation and just cos you still care for her it dont mean you love her any less.

Answer 2

I think if you were honest with your current girlfriend baby mamma in the beginning you wouldn't have this dilemma. It sounds like you truly do have a real friendship with the ex. Just let the current know there's something you've been wanting to tell her but didn't want to upset her. Tell her you've been in contact with your ex because she needs support while going through her medical issues. Let her know that she and the baby are your #1 priority but you and the ex have been friends for a long time and you want to be there for her. Reassure her that this is strictly a platonic thing and after the ordeal is over, you will limit the contact to how are you doing once a month to make sure everything is ok. If she doesn't go for it, I would suggest not going against her wishes. I know it sounds harsh to leave the ex in the cold but your current relationship and child has to take priority. I wish you the best and hope your ex gets through this with a positive outcome.

Answer 3

I think your girlfriend will be upset that you have hidden your contact with your ex from her. She might well not like it, but the chances are that she will understand that you being able to keep in touch means that you're emotionally mature and reliable. Only you will know whether she has any reason to doubt you.
You are your own barometer here, only you can decide if you could a) cope with not being there for your ex should things turn out wrong.
b) cope with your girlfriend's response if she wasn't happy.
She has just had a baby so will be feeling vulnerable and insecure anyway so the timing isn't great. I can't see any easy answer I'm afraid.
Take care

Answer 4

Yes, yes. This IS a very difficult question. I would explain the situation to your girlfriend as if it's happening to someone else and see how she reacts. Then you must decide do you:

1) Ask current girlfriend for permission
2) Do it and ask forgiveness later

You and your ex-girlfriend have "feelings" for each other, so sooner or later you and your ex need to make a decision about what that means. Now is probably not the time to make that decision.

Instead, you have an emergency here and you must help your ex.

That's my personal opinion. SO sorry you're experiencing this. Sorry for all of you!

Answer 5

I am not wanting to be mean or anything, but your ex is an ex for a reason. Obviously you have moved on.. The child will be the only one who suffers from this, and no it is not a good idea for your ex to see your child.. It's not hers and if your current found out you were taking her child to another women's house it would kill her.. Apparently your ex has not moved on and she won't if you keep talking to her.. I know you said she had breast cancer, but she is no longer your concern.. You need to focus on your family and leave ex's out of the picture. You can't keep ex's around and you definately cannot be friends with her.. You also said you owe her too much, you don't owe no one anything, except for the child you brought into this world... If you had respect and loved the women your with now(the mother of your child) you will cut ties completely with the ex.. you can't have your cake and eat it too! Life doesn't work that way..

Answer 6

i think if you are really concerned for your ex then you really should be honest with your girlfriend and tell her you still talk to your ex. Let her know that there is nothing going on if your girlfriend trusts you then she will believe you. Let your girlfriend know what is happening with your ex and ask your girlfriend if she would be hurt if you gave her support as a friend. At least then everything is in the open.

Answer 7

I dont think her meeting your child is a good idea at all, she has nothing to do with her, how would you feel if your missus took your child to meet another man especially an ex behind your back?? Its a shame about your ex but would you want to risk your current missus finding out and then perhaps loosing her?? Try to be honest with your girlfriend who knows mayb all of you could be friends!! If your caught lying she will assume something more has gone on. Too be honest i think your friend is being selfish putting that pressure on you she should have asked someone else! i bet she wouldnt have asked you if she got a fella.

Answer 8

If you have never given your new girlfriend a reason not to trust you, then maybe you could talk to her about this. Tell her that you do not want to do anything to upset her or hurt her and that is why you are asking her about how she feels. Tell her how much you love her and that nothing will change that. What ever you do, be honest with the mother of your child, do not hide this from her. I am secure enough with my husband that in this type of situation, I would be supportive. She may even want to join you to the hospital, but if you have nothing to hide, that would not be a problem. You may even suggest that to her to make her feel better about everything.

Answer 9

WOW! No offense, but you sound like a girl! Just sit down and tell your girlfriend the TRUTH. If you hide it she will think something is going on. If she's not sure she can trust you, Ask her to come with you. Talk to the old girlfriend and let her know that she will be with you. The extra support for both of you might help. It may also bring your new girlfriend closer to you because you cared enough to ask.

Answer 10

I think that you feel torn because of your loyalties to your ex.

Come clean to your girlfriend, she deserves that and you have no reason to be ashamed.

If you communicate this to your current girlfriend and let her know that your feelings to your ex are deep and platonic.

There are those who say, how a man treats his ex is a good indicator of the kind of man he is.

You are depressed because someone you care about is very ill.

Maybe your girlfriend is feeling insecure because you are not married to her and she feels that you will walk at any time. Reassure her that she is the one for you now and forever but that you want to help your ex get through this difficult time and that you would like to bring her and the baby to meet the ex.

Present yourself to your ex as a family and let her know that as an old friend, you all care about her.

Do not be there when your ex has surgery. That is too intense.


Good Luck.

Answer 11

Why are you still talking to your ex when you have a girlfriend and a child. Usually ex'es and being friends just do not mix, of course shes going to be mad and not accept that, thats just the way us females are :) sorry to break the news but you better choose where you want to go in life and which chick you really want to be with.