a few yrs ago, i hooked up with a close friend. we never discussed it, but i still think about him romantically. we lost touch somewhat but remained friends. recently i went to visit him, i'm not in love and i wasn't expecting anything-i just wanted him to know i love him. before i could, however, he came out as being gay and i'm one of the first he's told. then right before i left, i told him i loved him, gay or straight, and that i needed some closure b/c what happened confused me. he said at the time, he didn't want to reject me. i felt stupid b/c it sounded like i had aggressively pursued him and he was just sparing my feelings. but i normally never act that way with men and i do recall him being forward and initiating things. i doubt i was just a cover b/c no one knew what happened but now i'm just confused and i feel ugly and foolish for thinking what what we had was meaningful. was he never attracted to me? i'm afraid i scared him and that he thinks i'm totally in love with him
2006-11-01 06:04:15 · 6 answers · asked by confused 1 in Society & Culture ➔ Cultures & Groups ➔ Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, and Transgender
This is a common response to gay people. We all have our heroes and we have that ultimate fantasy of sleeping with them (or at least getting closer to them) .. Some pursue the feelings and in many cases, develop into something they never believed could be possible. Others on the other hand, never get the chance.
It comes down to that old question, " ...have you ever loved someone, and they 'can't love you back' ... " It is difficult when our emotions ride us into an abyss of turmoil.
Just sit down, grab a deep breath, and tell yourself - No, you are not a silly a-s-s for believing that there could have been feelings somewhere between you two; No, you are not ugly or foolish for thinking something could turn into something special; Give yourself a pat on the back for believing that you are still a beautiful person - and that one day, there will be someone who will come into your life and fulfil your dream. You just have to wait for them - trust me - they will come along.
Good luck
2006-11-01 07:58:55 · answer #1 · answered by bga 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
He told you he is gay. Consider that your closure. Gay men sometimes go through stages of denial before they can be honest and admit how they really are. He might have slept with you just to prove to himself and the world that he was really straight.
It was wrong of him to sleep with you and make you feel that way. He probably did not mean to hurt you, but he did. I'm sure you have heard stories where a man will marry a woman and have children with her and then decide to come out 10 or 15 years later. Don't think those are isolated stories. At least that did not happen to you. Society shames men into lying. And now you had to pay for his shame. It is not fair.
Even if you do end up having a relationship with him - you will have to accept that he has a biological urge to sleep with men. Are you willing to share him? Is that physically safe for you?
I wish you luck. Give your self some space. Some time and education. Talk about these issues with him. You will become wiser for it.
2006-11-01 15:17:08 · answer #2 · answered by Think.for.your.self 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
What is your problem! He's told you he's gay! What part of Gay do you not understand? At least he admited to you and that should be the mother of all red flag! Gay men can be very promiscuous and they cross over with women and go back to being Gay again. That's the worst kind you even want to tangle with. Have you heard of HIV? That's how women get them because of Gay men who crossed over. If he made that move on you before then stay the hell away from him. He's one of the promiscuous ones.
2006-11-01 14:26:50 · answer #3 · answered by Believe me 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
we make so many mistakes in our lives and we feel stupid. There is no way we can go back and change it....ever!..but we learn from our mistakes/past.. heck, ive made Plenty of mistakes. but i get bucked off of my horse and keep riding..... I think he had to know he had urges of which way to go. am i gay or straight?!?.. He had the choice to have a "meaningful experince" with you. now its over. move on and dont get bucked off your horse again..hehe..good luck!
2006-11-01 16:31:35 · answer #4 · answered by awhitehorse01 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Talk to him...write him...send him this question...tell him the truth about how you feel....nothing will beat the truth...maybe your friend feels just as awkward.
2006-11-01 14:20:32 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
2 points!!
2006-11-01 16:17:56 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋