We met online, fell in love, and I moved across the country to be with her. In five months we had four weeks that were not ruined by fights. Over and over she drank a lot, got angry, became abusive, then would cry and promise it would never happen again, but she broke every promise she made within a week of making it and the abuse got worse and worse. She refused to talk to anyone about the problem and always found a way to blame me. After she gut-kicked me so hard I had bladder problems for a week and threatened to cut me up in my sleep, my friends helped move me out while she was away on a trip.
She is now willing to get help to work on her abuse and anger issues. I love her still, but I don't trust her as she quit counciling before when it got tough.
Do I owe her any respect? Should I see her again or try to save a friendship in the hope that someday she'll be better? Or should I just walk away and never speak to her again as my friends advise me?
2006-11-01 05:59:26 · 20 answers · asked by Celtic Rebel 3 in Family & Relationships ➔ Other - Family & Relationships
Run do not walk but run away from this lady. I honestly could not type in the word woman because no decent woman would conduct herself in that manner. did you read what you wrote? do you see a pattern there? i do you wrote "over and over, drank a lot, got angry, became abusive, cry, promise it would never happen again." she has been physically and emotionally abusing you over and over. Therefore, you have become trapped in a cycle of emotional and physical abuse. Please obtrain counseling so that you can work through the abuse that you received and learn how to not become entrenched in that type of relationship again. You see, if you go back to her she will behave for a little while, then she will drink a lot, get angry, abuse you, cry, etc..... She has deep seated emotional problems, was most definately abused herself, and definately needs counseling to break her chains. It is ok to love someone, it is ok to love someone from afar too, when they act like she did. peace and blessings
2006-11-01 06:10:09 · answer #1 · answered by PhatBeatz 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
come on now u answer your own question. she crys and promise and after you somewhat believe it then she on other roll. doe's it over and over. and now she willing to get help thats good.u ask do u owe her any respect? no she owes u that. if your willing to wait for her to get help u will be waiting for along time. recoving is a life time. are u willing to go though it all over again, because u will. a abusive person is like a person on drugs. it will be a long road for u if u stay in this relaytionship. let time go by and see if u still love her.u might feel different in 3 to 6 months and find someone more on your level. wish her the best. it really up to u but u might be wasteing years of your life. a person like her they have to really what to change from deep down inside and most of time they need to do it on there own what i mean is they don't need a boyfriend relaytionship they need pro. help.
2006-11-01 06:23:46 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
When she completes her therapy and can face the under lying reasons for her anger and abuse you might want to begin a friendship. Internet romances are so very dangerous. She can learn to control her anger but it is not something you fix in a couple to sessions. Perhaps you should find a nice loving woman and chalk this up to a bad experience.
2006-11-01 06:05:01 · answer #3 · answered by TillieDillie 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
WOW! She needs help, but how come you let her beat on you like that? If she says she is going to get help all of the time and end up quiting before she is cured then she doesn't care much about fixing the relationship. I think you should move on but still encourage her to get help because she needs it if you are with her or not. History has proving that she does not keep her word so don't do it to yourself again.
2006-11-01 06:08:12 · answer #4 · answered by L@M 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You could try again after she gets through counseling. Let her know you'll try again but only if she really works on getting better. It usually takes a long time though and she would have to learn to understand why she is like that and what she needs to do to stop. Most likely better for you to get out while you can. Sorry to say that but you need to look out for yourself and it doesn't seem like you've been together very long.
2006-11-01 06:04:35 · answer #5 · answered by poppywest1223 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Your friends, have given you good solid advice. Go as far away from her as possible. She may or may not change. she has to want it. and she has not gotten it so far, so why waste your time and effort, on her. She needs a lot of help, she has a lot of baggage. My thought is for you to break all ties with her. in other words, no communications. I hope everything works out for you. It is going to be hard. But I would not want you to be hurt!
2006-11-01 06:09:12 · answer #6 · answered by roseannetb@verizon.net 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sure be her friend as in support her when needed,as far as a relationship goes no way.It's going to take her so long to get herself 2gether.She knos that you are going to keep running back to her that's why she do the things she do.If you still love her then 9 times out of 10 she's not a bad person but she needs to get herself 2gether.You cannot sit around and waiy for her to get herself together.You need to move on.If she needs encouragement every now and then fine,nothing more nothing less for now anyways,like I said it takes awhile for them to get themselves 2gether.She's going to want to do it for herself and not for you.
2006-11-01 06:06:16 · answer #7 · answered by dccuttie75 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Run like the wind! Don't look back! There are lots of people without serious problems like this. She needs to work on her problems alone (probably for years). having you in her life would complicate things and it would never work for either of you. Move on. Sorry.
2006-11-01 06:03:44 · answer #8 · answered by preciselyright 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Walk away. Don't go back. I made that mistake and he almost killed me. She has to WANT to work on HER problem, and most abusers don't want to work on them. Most abusers don't see that there is anything wrong and they LIKE being that way. She quit counseling when it got tough, well her problems are even tougher than that.
You are away from her. STAY away from her. You deserve better!
2006-11-01 06:07:59 · answer #9 · answered by Jessie P 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I would pray for her and show her respect and love her as you love yourself. every human being is worth saving and no sins should get in the way of it. keep helping her and being there for her and tell her about accepting jesus as lord to cover her sins and to be saved, as well as god works through us to change us and accepting him is the only way to change and have a meaningful life.
2006-11-01 06:57:30 · answer #10 · answered by Dan 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋