okay me and my wife had a wondeful life for about 5 years during the sixth year we just could not get along anymore and so she moved out of my house. we both still go to college, its tougher not that we split the incomes. the thing is we still talk some what, but all she ever wants me for is sex all the time, i usually wouldnt mind, but afterwards i feel like crap because i know its just shallow sex and we wont have what we once did. i tried to make my self not have sex with her again but i just have no self controll and she knows that and i think she uses that against me too. i feel like i need to get away but i just dont know how, its hard for me to get close to another woman mainly because i still love my ex-wife. what should i do?
2006-11-01 05:47:48 · 20 answers · asked by hardjesus 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Other - Family & Relationships
I am in a similiar situation as you where I am now divorced (together since 16, married at 18, and divorced now at 23) and having difficulties moving on from my ex. In my circumstance, he was a complete assh*ole to me and cheated several times (which is the reason that I kicked him out and divorced him). We get along a lil better now and we have sex on and off. I know that he wants nothing more then that and that it is hurting me in the long run but I give in anyway because I on the other hand still care to some level for him. Everyone says I am stupid for even giving that guy a second thought considering what he has put me through and they would probably all think Im even dumber for being his booty call now but my marriage did have some good attributes and just bc I know he is not good for me doesnt negate the fact that there are feelings still there. I think that by doing this, it merely complicates matters and makes it harder to get over him (which Im sure is completely obvious to anyone even those like myself who are in this type of perdicament) and that all it will do is make life harder in the long run by causing more pain. I think that sometimes it just kind of numbs everything bc even if its for a lil while they are still there in our lives but what is being shared is as you said empty so I ask you as I now ask myself...what is the point? Why should we allow ourselves to be in a circumstance where we are used and our emotions and feelings neglected in order to serve their selfish needs? Is this person really worth the trouble when they clearly dont care about you? What is there to love in that? What I am trying to do now is distance myself from him as much as possible and just keep myself occupied with other things so that I do not think of him or allow myself to get depressed over someone that I am clearly lucky to no longer have in my life. I don't think that you should try to pursue something serious with anyone right now because you arent over your ex and that baggage will definitely impede on it if you did. However, I do think that you need to get out more and meet new people. Anyone who can use you for just sex after all that you shared in your marriage (the good and the bad) is just a selfish person who hopefully will get whats coming to them (karma can be a b*tch)....As I said before, I am where you are right now but I am trying to change this routine and my circumstance bc I know that this is not right andthat it is just hurting me more then being completely without him.It's kinda like taking off a bandaid, you can peel it off really slowly and feel constant pain or you can rip it off real quick feel the pain and move on...(sucky analogy but i tried)...You have to give yourself some time to get over this and trust me, I hate saying this bc people kept saying it to me throughout the divorce esp during a time where time seemed like all I had but its true. In the meantime, please try to get out there and find happiness on your own then trying to salvage anything that remains from your now dead marriage. You are free again and you don't have to settle for her games not now and not ever and trust me you have self control and can make this stop...Its just whether or not you like being in pain or you really do want a change. Good luck :)
2006-11-01 06:06:30 · answer #1 · answered by serenity113001 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Does she still Love you? Is she still in Love with you? The only way you are going to ever get threw or past this is to ask her. If you have a chance to get back together you should do it. Marriage is and should be a sacred union. I feel people who get married should try to stay that way. It's hard to find your match if she is yours make it happen if not you need to move on for your own sanity. And this thing about still having sex with her and feeling bad about it or used or it being shallow, well you are letting it happen. Know else can be blamed for your lack of self control. Do what you need to do so you can go on with your life with or with out her. I wish you luck, your young I think you will be fine, :)
2006-11-01 05:57:10 · answer #2 · answered by stuffy 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I don't know if you have kids or not, but if you don't it should be way easier to grow some you know what and COMPLETELY walk out of her life. Just because it's hurting so much and it seems like she's getting what she wants without any strings attached... and my dear yours are still attached. Shut her out of your life, tell her how you feel. Give her an ultimatum, is she gonna want to start over a new relationship with you if not then there should be no other contact. Be honest with her let her now, it's hurting you to be used as a sex toy. Be strong and move on. GOOD LUCK!
2006-11-01 05:55:01 · answer #3 · answered by It's Me 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I've lived in a successful marriage for 15 years and I can tell you that I did not marry before, during or immediately after college. Perhaps you both made a mistake and neither of you were ready for marriage. Why don't you focus on finishing college, indulge in a career and do some maturing for awhile...give yourself a break!
2006-11-01 05:53:10 · answer #4 · answered by euchremother 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Tell her how you feel... Maybe it is not shallow sex to her?? Do you know what she is thinking about you?? You two keep going back to each other for some reason. Find out what they reason is... It can not be just sex. There are way too many men out there and woman for that matter too...
2006-11-01 05:50:48 · answer #5 · answered by Niecy 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Tell her how you feel. Maybe she is afraid of std's out there and she knows your safe, maybe she still carries some of the same feelings,maybe she's using you like some men do women. Maybe it just wasn't time when you were together. Talk and see where it is . Then decide to atleast be some what part or no part of her life.
2006-11-01 05:54:55 · answer #6 · answered by martha g 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Wow... Sweets. You need to decide. DO YOU WANT TO BE WITH HER? OR DO YOU WANT TO BE APART FOR GOOD? And you need to take action. If you want to be with her then you need to let her know regardless of how you think she feels about you. If you want to be apart, then Get some self control, or tell her that you have a girlfriend and wont cheat on her... Do something, but get her away from you.
2006-11-01 05:51:16 · answer #7 · answered by Angel Eve 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
For a while just go get drunk, meet some ladies, have all the sex you want and pretty soon your feelings for your wife will be gone, especially if you find another lady who you can elope with that likes you for you and also for sex.
2006-11-01 05:50:41 · answer #8 · answered by -VeNoM- 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You are going to have to stand your ground and not have sex w/ her anymore cuz believe it or not sex bonds you to that person. Maybe you need to cut off all contact w/ her until you heal from the divorce and don't date just yet cuz you haven't closed this chapter of your life and it wouldn't be fair to another female. She wouldn't have you fully
2006-11-01 05:53:18 · answer #9 · answered by Tammi R 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
The best advice is MOVE ON! If she likes somebody else then there is nothing you can do to change her mind. It's just reality, somebody else won her heart and now you're in the past. Sorry it's only reality
2016-05-23 03:42:18 · answer #10 · answered by ? 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋