Husband was looking at pornography should I be concerned?

Question

Last night my husband stayed at home while i took the kids trick or treating. When I got home the food was not put up and he was sleep. I felt sorry for him, thinking he must not feel good. Something told me to check my cookies which I have never done before. Whwn I checked there was this site called my.break.com. When i went there half naked women were popping up. So I asked him if he was looking at women on the computer. he got mad first and then said yeah I looked at one picture, then felt bad and turned it off. He claims he went to the site to look at something else and happened to click the pic. It broke my heart because I never thought I would have to deal with this from him. he is normally the best hubby, alwasy spoiling me and such. I told him he hurt me and my trust. he also has issues with telling me the truth unless I found out also. This makes me wonder what else is he "doing" I do not know about? Am I overreacting or should I be concerned?

Answer 1

Hmmm A guy that likes to look at nude women.. Stop the presses. He's normal. If it was guy on guy, then I would say you have a problem. If it was half naked women, then that is very tame to not worth mentioning.
I think your insecurities are showing… How's your sex life? Exciting? Old hat? Non-existent? Do you feel your threatened of pictures of other women in magazines, movies, or on the internet? (Obvious signs of insecurity.) Did you dress up for Halloween and play trick or treat after the kids went to bed? Do you feel there is something dirty about the human body? If so, then you could be a prude and possibly and insecure prude. The marriage vow is to love and honor, nothing was said about going blind. If he was cheating on you with another woman, then I think you would have something to worry about. If it is nothing but visual stimulation, then I think you are being too tough on the guy. You chastise him for something he got pleasure from without realizing that you blew an opportunity to figure out why? Does he feel ignored in the bedroom or, heaven forbid, does he like to look at attractive women. You say you have kids (plural) so I am assuming you have at least one male child. This male child will eventually go through puberty and have a fascination for the female form and will (if normal) look at pictures of naked women at the first opportunity. You are not even close to being equipped with the skills to handle that, and you won't be if you spend your time nagging your hubby instead of trying to get the male perspective on why we do what we do. What have you done to condition him into being secretive about what turns him on? Have you thought that his actions are due to you forcing your sexual baggage on him? You learn less talking about sex than doing it with your husband. Sex is more than the last 10 minutes before he rolls over and goes to sleep. Seize the moment don’t kill it. If you want him to open up then you will have to be open. You got to walk the walk or the guy won’t talk. Put your insecurities aside, find your sensual sexual self and explore your husbands psyche with him. Look at the stuff with him.. Participate and learn something. I’m not asking you to enjoy the photos, but I am asking you to open a line of communication so that he feels that he can talk about it without being nailed to the wall. Find out what makes him tick in that department, you obviously have a few misconceptions or you wouldn’t be so shocked. You give me the impression of someone that schedules sex at 45 minutes after the kids are asleep every other Thursday only if Jay Leno or Letterman does not have interesting guests and it isn’t your time of the month.. And you probably stopped having sex on Sunday because you feel that he was fantasizing about the women on Desperate Housewives. You had him stuck in your nice little cubby hole and then he did something to show that you were mistaken. Either he is a little more complicated than you gave him credit for, or maybe he is much less complicated than you gave him credit for. Either way, you thought you knew everything about him and he proved you wrong.. You confronted him about looking at pictures of naked women. You turned into his mother and he responded in the same way he did to his mother. News Flash.. Every guy lies about looking at naked women to their mother. I'm sure he wishes he looked perfect in your eyes because he loves you. Lets flog him and torture him until you feel better.. You must be Catholic, Jewish, or Baptist…experts at trying to make people feel guilty because of natural urges for sex. . He is the same man he has always been, you just saw a side you were not prepared to see. Not because it did not exist, but because you didn’t want to see it.

Answer 2

I've had this happen to me, it's a mistake. Probably was curious about what the website was, we get this crap in our emails all day long. I accidentally clicked on something called blendwithher.com. I thought it was a coffee site, lol until I clicked on it and all these damn porn sites came up with naked chicks. And if he is looking at half naked women, it's totally natural for men to look at porn. We will never understand the need to hide it but, best thing to do is try to be more open to the idea, making it tasteful like playboy mags, or looking at it together. It's kinda fun to talk fantasy and stuff together. Have fun, and don't get all freaked out, or he will continue to lie and hide these things from you. Just put a parental guide thing to prevent the kiddies from seeing that crap.

Answer 3

you are not overreacting. he lied and he is wrong. period. but from what you say about him, its unlikely that he is 'doing' anything else that you should be concerned about. however, you need to talk it out with him and figure out how the two of you can spice your sex life up. thats the best you can do. if you two are in love and there was/is chemistry there, you should be able to solve the problem. dont blame urself one bit though..he's gotta deal with his mistake. guys do look at porn a lot..but that's before getting hitched. if they still do after they are married, something's missing in the marriage..the guy or the gal made a wrong choice and/or settled for each other without being completely sure that they would fulfill each other.
good luck. hope he has the guts to be honest with you.

Answer 4

Your not overreacting at all.I think men are made differently and every relationship has it's no no's and it's okays, whatever works for both.

Sounds like you have a really good relationship with your husband and it is only natural for us women to feel hurt by him looking at girls because we thought it was one way but to come to find out it isn't. Men have to realize that all women are different and not all women will be all right with their men looking at girls. I am not cool with that, and I would feel like my husband isn't truly satisfied in the relationship.

You sound like you have a solid marriage so I would ask him to go out with you and have coffee or a walk in the park and ask him openly without getting your emotions involved if he is content because if a man is then he wouldn't feel the need, men are NOT programmed to look at girls that's an excuse and it's also biased.

Answer 5

I wouldnt be concerned over it at all.. you can get those cookies by follwing a link on a search engine that takes you to a wrong place.. once during a demo I clicked on a link and was taken to porn site and right there on the big screen i was projecting on came up a seehersquirt.com site.. thankfully no one was offended..

Now if you came home and found him watching the stuff, or if you started finding pictures, and porn clips on the computer over and over again maybe you should... otherwise I'd forget about it.

Answer 6

warning!! warning!!! yes you should be concerned, i just went through that with my ex, for 6 years he was looking at porn on the internet, i would catch him and he would act ashamed and then promise not to do it again, well what a load of crap that was, if they look at it once they will look at it again, get good on the computer girl, you can track where they go and what sites they look at and they will not know what your doing, if you have a webcam watch out he may be using that also for other things, i found a bunch of email addresses that my ex used to try to fool me but you know what , i was smarter than he was, dont let this go

Answer 7

be concerned! if they lie once they'll lie again and again, he obviously doesnt have a problem lying to you. pornograghy is a addiction just like any drug or alcohol and it detroys many lives. i suspect hes been looking for a longtime and whatever else he lies about and your discovering the truth little by little. i also suspect all his spoiling you and such is from a "guilty" conscience. as long as you know about the lies and let it go it will go on and continue to get worse. your going to have to confront him in a way that says this is not acceptable to me and i wont take it, give him a ultimatetum and keep your word! lies and adultry (by porn) is not a healthy stable relationship! hes cheating with his heart and body if you get my drift and this is wrong! you deserve a husband who will be honest and faithful to you. take a stand watch him closely!!

Answer 8

i think you need to face reality and stop lie to yourself a good hubby or even father would have been out trick-treat with his wife and kids my husband works full time job but was with his kids last night and the fact you checked the cookies tell me you had a reason not to trust him

Answer 9

Well, it's better then him going to strip clubs...but porn can turn addictive and it's never a good thing. Several years ago I was in a 2-yr relationship and came across porn on my boyfriend's computer. 6 months later he wanted marriage and I turned him down. There were other reasons beside the porn but the porn definitely fueled the fire as a reason for me to leave him.

So tread carefully.

Answer 10

Don't worry. Such pictures pop up in many "innocent" sites. They are everywhere on internet. So if he clicked is not so bad.