I look good and am educated (school )M.A. and street (teen f-up) but moved my child to the middle of no where because I did not want him in the city. I can not leave this town for a few reasons. I met one guy and dated on and off 7 years. He has serious commitment issues ( never married , no children, partys very hard (days) but only around 6 times a year, workaholic (I think) but gave me a ring recently. We are engaged.
I love him but do not really have anything to campare it with, am I selling myself short, I never really dated , and I know that I am loyal and strait forward. Should I be thinking these things. ??
I work with children so my job does not present any dating opportunities. I was the youngest parent and oldest college student so those places were out, I do not drink so no bars.
Question, am I setteling due to lack of experience or am I fortunate and should not think of these things?
2006-11-01 05:22:39 · 12 answers · asked by sweet pea 3 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Do you love him or did you agree to marry him because you are in your 30s? If you have problems with your intended's issues, why would you agree to marry him to begin with?
You've been seeing him for 7 years and you're still unsure? Then don't marry him. If you go in with doubts, you'll always be looking for a reason to get out of it and blaming him and/or yourself for you "settling". Looking for the marriage to fail before you're married is not a good idea.
2006-11-01 05:31:27 · answer #1 · answered by Survivors Ready? 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
If you feel you're settling, my guess is that you probably are. A certain amount of "settling" is not a bad thing (it's more of a compromise, really) - but it seems like you are uncomfortable with your choice. Probably not a good thing, then.
I have had very little "naturally occuring" dating opportunities, due to my solitary and quiet nature, "indoor" disposition and working in a small-office environment. I had to "make" opportunities for myself, and I chose online dating as a tool to help me meet people I would not have otherwise met. It took several years of dedicated effort - but I am now married to a wonderful man I met through an online personals site. He is a quiet solitary "indoor" person who works from home, we are an excellent match; if it wasn't for the online personals, we would have never met.
Yes, there were setbacks along the way; several relationships did not "work out"; but even the failures turned out to be valuable lessons in helping me understand more about myself and what I was really looking for.
I encourage you to give some serious thought to your current relationship. If things don't "feel" right - don't be pressured to commit. Evaluate your options. Yes, I agree that sometimes it's better to "settle" for a not-so-great relationship than to end up not having any shot at relationships at all. But do you feel that this really IS your only shot? It is true that being in a small town can complicate the issues. Just look at the pros and cons, ok. Perhaps, you would be better off on your own? Ultimately, it's up to you to decide what the best course of action might be. Good luck.
2006-11-01 13:38:25 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
It sounds like you may be settling out of fear of being alone. You shouldnt settle, but on the other hand you sound really confused. Do you love him? It doent matter if you have nothing else to compare him to the question at hand is do you love him. Do you feel that no matter what happens between the two of you, you will try to work things out. I think that you have a lot of issues to work out and maybe some esteem problems. If this is the case you shouldnt jump the gun into a marriage get over your insecurities and try to go to another place meet more people. I think you have lived your life so fast that you zipped past so many experiences you are 30 but havent ever really lived. Try to figure things out first about how you feel what you feel you need to do. Good Luck and in my eyes I think that you need to experience life more and not live so fast.
2006-11-01 13:33:27 · answer #3 · answered by hmm 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Yes, you are settling. But I think in your case, with so little alternatives, it may mean a more pragmatic view. What is the best alternative? Loneliness? How is he with your child? Will he take care of the household? Does he abuse you? Can you have a *fulfilling* relationship together even if it isn't something out of a Shakespearean sonet?
2006-11-01 13:31:35 · answer #4 · answered by edward_the_l0ngshanks 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Sounds like settling to me...and making a lot of excuses too...it's your choice and your life, but would you want to be settled for? I wouldn't find it very flattering or heart warming at all, if I learned the guy I was with, was with me because "she'll do" rather than because he was head over heels crazy about me.
2006-11-01 13:25:15 · answer #5 · answered by . 7 · 0⤊ 1⤋
You should stop thinking about what you might be missing and think about him who gave you the ring. Does he melt your heart? Can you be with him and only him for always? If you can give your full attention to this man and love him truly, then marry him and live a full life with him.
2006-11-01 13:25:58 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
You are a little mixed up., if you love him marry him. But, don't just for the sake of being married. it seems his partying is bothering you, have fun party with him. Do you really love him enough to spend the rest of your life with him It seems your being a Little cautious. Don't marry just for the sake of saying,"I'm married, it'll never work out if can't give all your love to him".
2006-11-01 13:48:34 · answer #7 · answered by Nicki 6 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Sounds like you're settling. You should try and date you never know you may find a guy that will gladly commit you marriage.
2006-11-01 13:30:18 · answer #8 · answered by St.Anger 4 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Go see a counselor who is experienced with speaking with couples entertaining thoughts of marriage. It will be dollars well spent.
2006-11-01 13:25:39 · answer #9 · answered by Jack 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Live and let Live and do what makes you happy. Good Luck.
2006-11-01 13:25:14 · answer #10 · answered by 2"CUTE"2B30 4 · 0⤊ 1⤋