I mentor a younger teen boy. I usually see him oonce a week and we do a variety of activities. His mom and him recently decided to go out of town (it wasn't a needed trip) this weekend on a night that I was going to take him to a hockey game. He and his Mom knew about this weeks in advance and I had bought the tickets (I'm now out $50) and didn't get much of an apology from his mother. "Jonny" my mentee was suppossed to call me on Sunday, but never did (his mom made excuses for him). I feel pretty "dissed" by them right now expecially since I've been with them for 1 1/2 years. I'm thinkinig of waiting to see how long it will take them to call me after this weekend. I feel that they should take some initiative and call me about our next visit. My question is should I wait for them to call or should I make contact with them first? I just feel that the "ball" is in their court.
2006-11-01 04:03:58 · 10 answers · asked by ben f 1 in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Adolescent
sorry about the typos
2006-11-01 04:04:38 · update #1
just wait
2006-11-01 04:05:37 · answer #1 · answered by FUJA 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If it was this past weekend it has already been three days at least. I am usually a pretty patient person but that sounds harsh on the mom's part. You are volunteering your time and money to help out someone in need. It seems messed up that she would not so much as offer an apology. Since you normally see him every week, I would not wait to call. You can be kind and reasonable but explain that you had planned your weekend already and she could have been more considerate. If you feel that she is causing problems but he still wants to take part in your weekly meetings then make it clear to her that you want to be able to help out her son. People are complicated. There could be all kinds of things going on in her life that you are not aware of and that might just be the reason she hasn't thought of the impact her (unnecessary) trip made on you. Good luck.
2006-11-01 12:11:53 · answer #2 · answered by 180 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
1) Talk to your leadership organization
2) The mom likely does not realize the impact of her actions.
3) The boy may be embarrassed and therefore not wanting to call you because he doesn't know what to say.
4) Talk to her (without him present) about the impact of her actions and the disappointment that you experienced. Ask her what she wants to do about the $50. Say, do you think that is fair? Accept her answer. Financially, she may not know what they cost and she also may not be able to afford to reimburse you.
5) Talk to him about owning up to another person when you owe them something as simple as a phone call. Remind him that you care about him and were planning on their time together.
Take the leadership role in this. Remove the emotion from the conversation and yet advocate for yourself and your boy.
2006-11-01 14:28:21 · answer #3 · answered by anirbas 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Part of being a mentor is showing the "right way to live your life." I think waiting around shows a poor message. Take initiative and speak to them BOTH together. Sit them down and say exactly what you wrote. You were dissapointed in them both. Tell them how it made you feel and that you were hurt by their actions. Talk to them in a mature way and hopefully they will respond the same.
2006-11-01 12:40:22 · answer #4 · answered by GK2006 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You should call them. You are the one that is suppose to be mature in the relationship. Show "Johnny" how a responsilble adult would handle the situation. Confront the mother, in a nice and respectful way, asking her is repay you for "Johnny's" ticket. Make an example of this incident. Show how to be responsible for your actions, even when it is hard or uncomfortable. Make sure you don't show any hard feeling toward "Johnny" it is not his fault. He was not the adult he didn't go out of town on his own.
2006-11-01 12:10:40 · answer #5 · answered by jbenishmlt 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You are right, the ball is in their court. Remember why you are mentoring; the boy has an issue at home. Yes, you are being "dissed" but consider the source. Don't take it personally. It's probably the home environment, not you.
2006-11-01 12:06:45 · answer #6 · answered by DMBthatsme 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sorry, but I wouldn't blow this thing out of proportion. If you want to help this boy, be a good example and just brush it off. Continue to show him what it's like to be a smart, responsible adult.
Apparently his mother has issues with being responsible. Keep up the good work.
2006-11-01 12:08:50 · answer #7 · answered by stocks4allseasons 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Would think he would be extremely excited about going to a hockey game? Sounds like something is wrong, call them, reach out. Good luck!!
2006-11-01 12:38:23 · answer #8 · answered by HereweGO 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Do you metnor through an orginization? If you do follow their protocol for this.
I would call them and simply ask if eveything is alright and then ask if they are going to desire your services any longer. If not...then you have your answer. If they don't tell you much, just let them know where to reach you
Don't take it persponally.
2006-11-01 12:12:58 · answer #9 · answered by silverback487 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
yes,the ball in their court.
2006-11-01 14:23:01 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋