what would you say or do if your husband?

Question

wanted you to be skinny, cause he likes skinny girls, ask you to change your attitude in some ways, but he himself doesn't think theres anything wrong with him or his way's... mind you we've been 2gether 4,14 years and i handle all the responsiblities, all he does is work . yes i use to work till last month(no Babbysitter)

Answer 1

Look I was in a marriage where he was both emotionally abusive and cheated on me and I have dealt with his trying to change me during that time. Now we were together almost 7 years which is nothing to the 14 u've been with your husband but one thing remains clear in both circumstances, you should never compromise yourself for someone else. My husband used to tell me how he liked how unique my style was but after a while he started trying to change me. He would make rude comments about the outfits I wore and then even had the audacity to cut up one of my necklaces. I tried to change my style and whatever else I could just to make him satisfied with me but everything that I did compromise was never enough and I hated who I was becoming. It became worse after our sex life lessened and then later on when he eventually cheated. I was so insecure and felt so badly about for myself that i actually put up with his comments and his treatment of me. It took me a while and a lot of support but in the end, I divorced him and look back with no regrets. I am finding myself again and cannot believe how I had transitioned from a very independent individual to someone who was virtually dependent on getting the approval and hopefully love from my then husband. I hope to God that you aren't in a situation as extreme as mine was but you have to realize that the only person that should influence whether or not you should make a change about you is yourself. Something as trivial as your weight esp seeing ur other question about ur weight and height is ridiculous unless you are unhappy about it. However it seems that you are pretty proud of the fact that you look as good as you do after having children and that's great. If you allow yourself to believe or just listen to his needs then you will get sucked into a viscous cycle of becoming insecure and always wondering if you are enough to make him happy. Let's just say that you did lose some weight and changed your attitude a bit, would he be happy? or would he merely pick apart something else about your character that he does not like? I mean if someone wants to change, they have to do want to do it for themselve not for someone else. I have seen it with myself and then with a husband who cheated on me and treated me badly. He never changed who he was to make our marriage better bc he didnt feel that he had a problem and I couldnt keep changing myself for him bc it was living a lie just to appease someone else. Unless your habits or weight are causing actual harm to yourself or to someone else or is something that you want to change for YOU, then be happy with who you are and don't let him try to beat you down. I am sure that he is far from perfect and has his flaws as well but part of marriage is accepting the bad along with the good so long as it does not impede on anyone's wellbeing and his wanting you to lose weight bc he likes skinny girls is just ridiculous and the man needs to grow up. Yes, we do need some sort of physical attraction to have a romantic relationship that goes beyond that of a platonic friendship but Im pretty sure you said u had 5 kids so obviously he's attracted so he needs to grow up. Please dont compromise yourself to make someone else happy bc it will only cause you harm in the long run. If you see these things as being habits that you want to change bc you do then by all means go for it and I wish you the best of luck. However, your husband is suppose to be there for you and build you up not pick you apart and pull you down. You really need to stand up for yourself and put this guy in his place. Good luck :)

Answer 2

After 14 years he decides he wants you to change your appearance and your attitude? Honey, here is what you do....go ahead and change for yourself if you want to. And while you're doing it, open a "secret" bank account so you can sock away as much money as you can from his check without him knowing it. Then, you go get yourself some training in a good paying field (like medical, or computer). And once you become that skinny/great attitude woman, tell him not to let the door hit him in the as*s on the way out; kick him to the curb! In otherwords, plan to leave his funky as*s. He's not worth keeping around another 14 years. Do yourself a favor and bail out now with all you can. Godloveya.

Answer 3

I'd be upset. If after 4 1/2 years he wants you to change? Is he perfect? Tell him too bad, so sad. Unless you want to lose weight.
I'm home with the kids and I exercise for a half an hour a day at home. I'm not model thin but I'm healthy. You can buy 10-15 pound weights everywhere and if you have cable they have exercise shows on demand you could follow. But only if you want and I still think he's being a jerk.

Answer 4

Did you happen to sign up for the "take all the control out of my hands and let me kiss your butt for you plan?"
I am sorry but people change over the years. If it isn't anything that can hurt you or yours there is nothing wrong with you. I am sorry people gain and lose weight over the years as well. Things change. I believe that when people marry other people there is things there that they fall in love with...That shouldn't change. If your husband wants you to change something about yourself...he has to change something about himself that you want. Marriage is a two way street. Personally, you love the good and the bad of a person no matter what. It's called respect for an individual. Good luck to you!

Answer 5

First off you need to ask him why he said that to you . Also you need to ask your self the question do you need to loose a little weight? You need to find out if he was being mean.
Well if my fiancee said that to me I would do something about it b/c he is seeing something I dont see in myself. I'm in the same situation but with myself my fiancee dont care if I loose weight he loves me no matter what. He hates seeing me on the tred mill when he is home. But I told him im not doing it for im im doing it for my self so I can feel better and look better. My family and friends say he is just scared that im going to get skinny and leave him lol no thats not going to happen. I hope I helped out

Answer 6

I'd tell him to go screw himself, what he sees is what he's gets. If he has a problem with that, then leave. I like myself just as I am and I'm not changing for no one. And if he keeps this crap up, I'll show him what having an attitude is all about.

Answer 7

He sounds like he's nit-picking, probably due to the stress of the new situation. It'll pass. Let him know that it bothers you. The skinny part is stupid. And unhealthy. Let him know that things are rough now but will get better and that you being skinny won't help things out. Make it into a joke. Good luck.

Answer 8

You and your husband have been married for a long time and he knew when he married you that you were not going to look the same as you did when you meet him (especially if you have kids). That is just something that he is going to have to deal with. My opinion is that is he feels that way he doesn't love you anyways. Me too are married and is a stay at home mom that handles all the bills while my husbands works. Hey that a job by itself.

Answer 9

If these are things that you want to work on, then do it. If he is just being a jerk, it sounds like he doesn't care much about you if he wants to change how you look, and your personality. What he is realy saying is that he wants a whole new person. Whats left after looks and personality?

Answer 10

What a selfish pig!! He wants you skinny because he likes skinny girls??? EXCUSE ME!! Who does he think he is? He should love you for who you are. I was in a controlling abusive relationship with my first husband, and he tried this with me. You need a man who loves you for who you are. You are not his putty to where he forms you like he wants you. You are your own person and you deserve somebody who loves you for who you already are. He sounds selfish and childish if you handle all of his responsiblities. Marriage is a 50/50 partnership. I would get to counceling if you think this marriage is worth saving.

Answer 11

Talk to him about compromise...it's a necessity in every relationship. Sometimes you just have to agree to disagree on some things. I don't think it's fair for your husband to tell you he wants you to be skinny...he married you as you are and should be happy that you are still there. He has to be willing to work on himself too. Tell him something you need for him to work on too.If he is unwilling tell him you are too until you can reach a compromise. There are 2 people in this relationship and both deserve to be happy. Good Luck.