I have been dating a guy for 2 years now and he has been separated from his wife for 3 years. They had two 5 year olds from the marriage. The wife filed the divorce about a year and a half ago when she filed for child support. She followed through with the child support case, but not the divorce. Both have moved on. The wife said that she spent enough money on attorneys that she is not going to re-file the divorce, but he could file for the divorce and she would sign the papers. I have mentioned it to him about filing for a divorce a few times, but it never gets to far. He talked to an attorney and he said that it will cost about $ 400, so he didn't do it because he didn't have money, but promised he would when he had more money. He just got a big bonus from his job & he still didn't file. He said he wanted to pay off some stuff first. I printed out info on do it yourself divorce, but nothing! now when i mention it he changes subject. how do i mention it without making him mad?
2006-11-01 02:45:02 · 6 answers · asked by flowergirlsdy 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
When I was first started dating my spouse I was still married too. To me it really wasnt a big deal to still be married, and it didnt bother me much. It bothered him so he took initiative and pushed me to do it. I really didnt have the money for it and I wouldve rather spent my money else where. I just felt like it wasnt a big deal and that it really didnt matter it was last on my list of things to do. But it bothered my significant other so he pretty much did all the work, he paid for the classes and he paid for half the divorce.
Whats his perspective on it? To me it wasnt that important. Maybe it isnt to him either. So if you want it to happen make it happen I mean obviously you cant sign the papers but set an appointment for him to see the attorney and let him know that you will pay for half the costs. Dont give him a reason to say no. Also let him know that this really bothers you it has been awhile and I am sure he thinks that maybe it doesnt bother as much as it really does.
With my spouse it wasnt until he shared how he felt, this was something that he needed to be done so that we could move on in our relationship. So that he wouldnt have been scared to allow himself to fall for me. Althouth I had been seperated for quite some time but it wasnt until he told me how he felt that I really took inititive in trying to make it happen, it was just hard financially and that was all it was it wasnt because I didnt want to let go or anything like that. You should just tell him how you feel and I am sure that he will try to follow through with things.
2006-11-01 03:00:25 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well you are already letting him push you around by staying with him even though he is still legally married. But I know every situation is different and I am not judging. I would sit him down and seriously discuss the ramifications of him staying married vs. getting divorced. One day he may want to marry you and he will have lots of paperwork and time to go through before that can even happen. I say if he hasn't done it by now....he doesn't respect you very much.
2006-11-01 02:48:41 · answer #2 · answered by babe 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Just tell him you want a relationship with someone committed to you. He is still married to someone else. In my book, he is not committed to you. In the event of an untimely demise, she gets everything and you get nothing. He isn't thinking about the future.
2006-11-01 03:11:10 · answer #3 · answered by Mr Cellophane 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Honestly, I would not push the issue. The divorce is really not your business. When they both are ready then it will happen. If you become extremely uncomfortable with the length of time it is taking, then move on. Why wait around if he is not clearing up his past so that he can move on with you?
2006-11-01 02:51:23 · answer #4 · answered by DaRkViXeN 4 · 0⤊ 1⤋
I wouldn't date a man who was still technically married, even if separated. They could still be sleeping together for all you know. Best to get out of this relationship immediately. It's not going to change.
2006-11-01 02:50:45 · answer #5 · answered by Rachel 7 · 0⤊ 1⤋
It is his choice. Maybe he feels safer married because you can't expect him to marry you. Are you wanting to get married? It sounds like he isn't ready. Either accept it or move on.
2006-11-01 02:49:11 · answer #6 · answered by Bev 5 · 2⤊ 0⤋