How can I get my boyfriend to be more aggressive sexually? we have sex about once a week, and only when I initiate it. I'm 30, he's 44. Is that normal? I am tired of always being the aggressor. Besides just holding out and not getting sex at all, what can I do? I want him to ravage me sometimes instead of the other way around. Any suggestions?
2006-11-01 02:34:02 · 18 answers · asked by Lotus 6 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
OK - I'll take into account the info provided in your other related question as well as the info posted here, as you may have best results. Also I'm speaking from experience here - I was in a similar place to your b/f for a long time - which is never made easy given the stereotypes males are chained to as being the sexual horn-dogs in the human race.
First thing to do is deal with the stress/health/energy problems. Look at where diet may be impacting things - although hyped up, what we eat (or don't eat) makes a huge difference. Also exercise - try even making part of the exercise routine something you can do together (try doing a few gym classes together). By doing this you not only encourage each other to keep going, you're enjoying doing something new as a couple - plus you're sharing each other's company in a physical environment.
The other area to tackle of course is the physiological/emotional issues - encouraging him to come out of his shell in the bedroom (or anywhere else you chose for that matter). Part of the solution is to talk to him about how you're feeling, and encourage him to explore the sensual side of the relationship - help to create an environment which encourages exploration and imagination.
You could even start introducing a few toys or movies into your love life. Or try setting a day (or even an evening) aside each week that is set aside exclusively for romantic activities, and tease the crap out of each other over the preceding days to build up the sexual tension. Send a few erotic emails or text-messages TELLING HIM what you want him to do to you...make it fun, so that there isn't that stress or anxiety which is probably attached to the whole affair at present.
You may have to start this ball rolling, but with a little effort you may well find it proves more than worth it.
2006-11-03 03:23:04 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
You have to understand the male of the species. First he is a bit older. Second, once he has had sex with you for awhile his interest slacks off. It has nothing to do with you it is just men. They have done studies with primates where they bring a new female into the cage with a male and he can mate all day long - dozens of times - as long as they change the female with one he has never had before. They bring one back for a second time and he is not interested. I have observed the same in a non laboratory setting with people. It is exactly the same. One of the reasons swingers have the lowest rate of divorce is that they always have a sense of excitement. When swingers have a big party on a weekend the ladies always have a good time during the week with their husbands because they are recharged. It's not for everybody but it is a thought.
2006-11-01 10:43:09 · answer #2 · answered by bocasbeachbum 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If he's in a stressful job, he may be too tired and stressed out, because stress can really kill a sex drive, plus his age doesn't help. Men in their mid 40's, their sex drive starts to get lower. But if he has a stressful job, it can really have an impact on his sex drive.
2006-11-01 10:42:28 · answer #3 · answered by Bryan M 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Holy crap...Your fella is nuts. That is wicked hot. Sorry, just had to get that out. Have you told him this? I would start there. If that does not work, try little things...Like after you shower, dry off in front of him...Or simply don't get dressed right away. Or let him catch you watching a dirty movie. Most guys are easy to get going. If seeing you naked or catching you into a skin flick does not work...move on. He is either sexually dead or gay.
2006-11-01 10:39:38 · answer #4 · answered by TripleTattoo™ 4 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Hell NO, he is not cheating on you, i dont so much believe its his age that is making him dull, my hubby is only 28,he is not crazy about sex,he dosent cheat and isnt gay or into porn,his libido is just low, i was too hot but i had to let that part of me go.am happily married and he gives me a wild fcuck once a week.
2006-11-01 10:58:37 · answer #5 · answered by helpmegetaname 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I am in the exact opposite situation and I'm 40 and she is 31 and it is extremely frustrating she is happy with 2 times a week and just ain't enough - just hang in there
2006-11-01 10:56:11 · answer #6 · answered by Michael C 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Buy some toys and movies with what you want in them to help him get the idea and tease him until he can't stand it I think you'll get what you want
2006-11-01 10:40:12 · answer #7 · answered by freeatlastboone 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
He may need to excersize more. You need to tell him how important this is to you. I am 44 and it is the otehr way around with my wife. I feel your pain..............
2006-11-01 12:41:38 · answer #8 · answered by onlineseeker 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
sorry, age is not in your favor.
women in mid thirties have high level of desire, guys over forty just need regular comfort.
2006-11-01 10:38:30 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
how about getting him into roleplay,,,then you can pick a role that will make him aggresive\ruff. besides roleplaying can spice things up ,,good luck
2006-11-01 10:47:56 · answer #10 · answered by Rooster 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋