Married name?

Question

Hi,

I recently got married. Then last week I met an old and trusted friend after work. I was just taking my name badge when my friend looked shocked. It said Mrs Laura ......... She told me she was suprised I had changed my name and the fact that I had used Mrs etc. I said I had not really thought about it and was happy to take my husbands name, and why should I hide being married etc. apart from the hassle of getting ID's driving licenses reissued and just adjsting to having a new last name. I can't believe such a trusted friend would make such an issue and I feel really weird about it all now. What do others think?

Laura

Answer 1

i think it's perfectly natural to take your husbands name. I'm going to because his sounds classier than my common last name. It doesn't mean that I'm going to be subservient.

Maybe she's just getting used to the idea your married.

Answer 2

Read all the answers - made me smile! I got married this year for the THIRD time so have had four surnames in my near 50 years of life! It is a total pain having to change all documents etc and i would have preferred not to have to do this, but my new husband wouldnt have liked me keeping last husband's name and neither would i, really, so i had to change.

Believe me, this will be the LAST time!

As far as you are concerned, it is a shame such an old and trusted friend would try to undermine your feelings about your new name and status. Maybe she isnt such a good friend as you think she is. Anyway, don't worry about it, and if she mentions it again, tell her that you are perfectly happy with it and do not want to discuss it again, thank you very much!

Answer 3

It is a personal choice nowadays whether new wives take their husbands surname or do not.
Many women that do not do so because of the inconvenience & hassle changing surname would bring such as actresses or those in high powered careers like lawyers.
I personally don't see anything wrong with either way of handling this and was quite happy to change my surname but if my husbands surname had been something like pig or fatzoh or even Mr smellie I think I'd have chosen to stay with my maiden name

Answer 4

Why wouldn't you take your husbands name? Why do you feel weird about it? Do you think you shouldn't have taken his name or you shouldn't be telling people you are married? Or are you just concerned about your friends feelings about the whole thing. She is jealous, and she doesn't like the fact that you are "flaunting" your marriage in her face. That's not what you are doing I'm sure, but that's how she see's it. If you are truly friends, talk to her and let her know that she will always be you friend and things won't change between the two of you, and be sure that they don't. Some husbands have a way of keeping you from the people that mean the most to you.

Answer 5

It's a matter of personal choice. I use my husband's name and Mrs. I am proud of the fact that I am married to him and that we and the kids all have the same family name.

You could always make your surnames into a double barrelled name. That sometimes makes you sound very posh. You have to be careful though - my friend at work's maiden name was Airey and when she married it was to a Dan Fairey. Not such a good idea for them.

Answer 6

First why take it as such a big issue. It was her opinion so be it let her do it her way and you yours. Its an OLD tradition to take the husbands last name, based on days of some wives being seen as property, or to simplify addressing families, and then how do you name the children? It was logical to keep a family under one name.

Answer 7

It is customary to take the husbands name upon marriage... end of story. The only acceptable reasons for not have to do with notoriety... if you have a child from a prefious marriage, then you may hyphenate your name... or if you are publicly well known for something, you may opt to keep your maiden name in those circles, but legally change it else where... don't worry about what your ignorant femminist friend thinks... be more concerned about what you and your husband thing... most men get very insulted when a woman refuses their name... it ended a friend of mines engagement...

Answer 8

Right before I got married and my husband said to me that soon I would be Mrs. so and so my heart dropped. I lost my father a couple years before and all I could think about was I was losing my identity and giving up the name that my father gave me. I struggled with this for only a couple weeks. Then I realized that I had to move on. I didnt look at it as losing the name that my father gave me but gaining the name my husband gave me and the name my future children would have.

My point is that it is perfectly normal to feel weird about going from being known as Miss blah blah blah and suddenly becoming Mrs. so and so.

I've been married now for six months and when I hear my new name instead of feeling weird I feel proud that this man loved me enough to make me a part of his family forever. I am now very proud to be Mrs. so and so. And if it truly really still bother you, you can hyphenate your name with your maiden name.

Answer 9

Hello - I actually have two identities! I am married and at work am known by my married name, however, all my official documents are still in my maiden name - it was too much hassle to change most things. As my passport etc. need renewing I will change names. I don't have a problem either way, not like I have a 'stage' name or 'professional' name that I am known by!

Answer 10

If you have a reputation in business you should keep or continue to use your maiden name in some scenarios. Your friend probably likes you the way you are and doesn't want you to change or sublimate yourself to your husband. She may hope you will still have time for her. We had friends who would have looked askance if I hadn't taken my husbands name. That was 33 years ago. Wishing you the best of luck with your marriage. It's hard work whatever your name is.

Answer 11

Traditionally, in the US, heterosexual women have assumed their new husband's surnames after marriage to him, although this was never legally required except in a couple of states in the US. All the children of the marriage are then given their father's surname, so that the mother's surname is not used by any of her descendants.
However, many women choose to retain their maiden names after marriage: either using it alone or as part of their name in conjunction with their husbands' surnames.

Women who keep their own surname after marriage may choose to do so for a number of reasons. Objecting to the use of their husband's name for feminist reasons is one such reason. It looks your friend is one of feminists, and she can do what she wants but should not criticize you.