How to get over not being able to be with your soulmate?

Question

We are both married to other people. We were best friends. Stay at home parents. I am happily married (or so I thaught). Very lucky to be a stay at home dad and raise my kids. My friend, a stay at home mom, fell in love with me. I loved her as a friend but easily felt more when she told me this. This was the most powerful time in my life. Never believed in soulmates. Now I do. We only kissed once. We did not want to cheat on our spouses. I know kissing is cheating. I have choosen to stay with my wife and family (I told my wife what happened with us. She was/is very hurt. I was wrong I know. In our 13 years of marriage I have never cheated. We have a good/great marriage and I am going to be the best dad and husband i can possibly be. Problem is... HOW DO I FORGET ABOUT MY FRIEND? HOW DO I STOP THINKING ABOUT HER? Time?? We are not allowed contact and we are not contacting each other but our kids are friends and there are many school functions in this small town.

My wife does not know how I feel about her, just that it was exciting for me and my ego.
I never believed in soulmates either. You will know when you find one.
Boredom is a factor, I need to stay busy.
I had to tell my wife, otherwise the relationship would have escalated further. Telling her ended it.
I am not some young kid, almost 40 years old. You know what love is at this point in your life. But if it was meant to be, we would have met when we were both available, right?
I am very lucky to have my wife and am commited to her.
Just want to stopp thinking "What if"?

MB- Don't tell your husband. He may be so hurt he may not get over it. I hurt my wife very much. I wish i could have stopped it without telling her. But telling her helped me snap out of my obsession. I would not have stopped seeing her and it would have lead to even more physical contact and pulled me further from my wife. I was not thinking of my wife as a real person just someone in the way of my "happiness". I have made the right decision.... the problem is getting over her.

Answer 1

Hear me out....ok...First of all, She could never have been a soulmate when you have Mrs Perfect at home, she was just a person that was attached to you by a common attraction, called sin. If your wife would have done that you would have never thought that she found her soul mate because you would have thought that you were her soul mate. You would have thought that she was crazy to do such a thing. What if your wife came to you one day and said that she found her soulmate living right down the street from you, and while you were at work they kissed. What would you do? One thing in life is that love does not hurt, so to find someone who you might think of as a soul mate would not allow hurt to come to the person that you really love. God is not the author of confusion, he wouldn't send you out to find new love when love is staring you right in the face. You said it out of your own mouth, your wife is wonderful. If she is wonderful and you are kissing another women in your same small town then that means that something is lacking in you. Now you must look deep into yourself and find out why you stepped out in the first place. I had a simular situation happen but not so intense. I could not stop thinking about this mr wonderful, I thought that he was my soul mate for real, no-one could have told me different. But now that I am happily married to a new man in my life, I realized that this is the man that I would love to die with. A soul mate is more than a kiss, or even a few nights of passion, that the enemy plays with our mind and tell us that this is the one. No the real one is the one who rubs your ache when you hurt, the one who will clean you up when you are sick, the one who has dinner ready when you arrive home, the one who talks to you when you need talking to. The one who cares for your children when no one else will. You don't know what this other women would do to you. Because she knows that you are married and she stepped into the union without just cause she would do the same thing to you in the long run. You may not think so now, but if you left your wife for your so called soul mate I quarentee that you would regret it later. It would be more of a mess than you would ever expect. See the enemy will take us further than we want to go and keep us longer than we want to stay. His strategy is to keep our minds in bondage with the thought of the kiss. That kiss will ring in your mind as long as you don't cast it down with prayer everyday. Do not let this thing control you. God has more power than the enemy. And so do you. Let it go so you can be true to your wife for real. Because whether you know it or not, you are still cheating on your wife because you are reliving this thing over and over in your head. It's not fair to your wife when your mind is with another women at any given time. If it were your wife it would kill you. So just imagine what it is doing to her. Read in your bible Pslams 51...it was a prayer that David prayed when he took another mans wife. It all started from a look out of his window, from there he had to have her. And when he got her he thought that his life was going to be grand, but his life fell apart and his children went astray. The child that she was carrying died, then he had 3 more children. 2 boys and a girl, well the one son raped the daughter and the other son hated the one son who raped her so much that he had him killed, then the one who had him killed came to kill his father. He ended up being killed instead of his dad, but it all came from him lusting after anothers mans wife, David took her and had her husband killed to have her, well you might say now my situation is not like that, well yes it is, because that women is kissing you knowing that you have a wife, it is killing your wife in the inside everytime she has to go out and see the other women. It kills her everytime you kiss her she is thinking in the back of her head that maybe you are thinking about the other women. The story continues on because he never stopped. But God still bought him out. At least you stopped.You have to remember in life there are consequences to our actions...Now not only can't you kiss this women again, Now you lost your best friend. Don't let it go any further ever, because the loss only gets worse. I promise you....it only gets worse. Before you kissed you never saw any of this coming did you?...don't allow any more mishaps in your life. Trying to get a soul mate that's married brings lots of problems...you were only meant to be soul mate friends....There was a reason and still is a reason why she is in your life. But not for that purpous. You would hurt to many people and to many people would hurt over this....Just let it go...for your own sake... Please read the prayer everyday until you get control over this situation. I bet you thought that the first time you kissed your wife or had sex with her that she was the one. You probally never thought soul mate, but she is definatly the one, well the only thing that you are lacking is passion. Put a little fire in your life with your wife. Rekindle the passion that you once had. Because guarenteed that if you were with this new women after a few children and a few years of up's and down's you wont feel the same way. It's only the lust and the chase of things now. It all fades away...that's why they say that marriage is work...sometimes all we need is a good work out. God bless you.... My name is Michelle....I will be praying for you and your wife....

Answer 2

First, you are indulging in an escapist fantasy that got a little carried away. There is no such things as soul mates. You and she were bored with your own lives and partners and found an escape in this fantasy romance. Thank goodness it stopped at a kiss. You really messed up by telling your wife - when you stray and don't get actually caught at it, you should be man enough to carry your own baggage and NOT toss it on someone else because you are feeling guilty - that was really chickenshite. Now you've got a bunch of trust rebuilding to do and that REALLY take a lot of time and effort.

Avoid this other person as much as possible - in time you will see that what you're experiencing was a fantasy - nothing more.

Now, go out and get a job instead of being a stay at home parent.

Working and kids and family will keep you so tired that you won't have time for stupid fantasies.

Answer 3

Friend, you are fantasizing and enjoying a good but factless dream. You are making it be so much better than it might have been. How would you know if she is your soul mate - have you dated her for a year? No, you have played with something that is not acceptable and that was part of the intrigue and excitement of the relationship. When you started down the path of flirting with the lady and giving signals of how much you enjoyed her - that's when you began cheating. It's not a matter of kisses or sex - it's a matter of emotionally disconnecting from your spouse and connecting with another. It's a dangerous game that gets the adrenalin going and makes you believe that the other is so much more than they are. Get real. The other one is human, too, and make your wife your soul mate and stop wasting time dreaming. Spend that time working on your marriage. You'll be happier for it. Good luck!

Answer 4

Listen to your heart.Love without abandon.You obviously have unfinished business you need to address. I understand the concept of soulmate. To do without the love of your life would be a tragedy.Your wife knows already.and you could only pray for forgiveness. I think is better to tell her exactly how you feel and work through this from there.otherwise nothing will change for you. You have to take a chance on what it is you fear.In your mind you are with the other woman.Is up to you. Maybe there is someone out there that loves your wife as you love the other woman.Everyone makes mistakes.Trick is owning up and moving on. Now the issue is a bit more complicated.You know what you want in your heart.Honor yourself.Hope all involved finds peace and happiness.

Answer 5

Well this is sad....but you both are going to have to just move on. My brother is best friends still with the love of my life...who I had an affair with...who left his wife...and then was sleeping around with another woman...behind my back. His father and my father were in the army together. His parents are also my god parents. Both families knew about the affair, but didn't condone it. He moved on without me...deciding that I just wasn't what he needed at the time. I stood by him when he was wanting to seperate with his wife...once he didn't need his crutch anymore he threw it away. (that would be me) Do I still think of him...yes...do I still care...maybe but I try not to think of it. He has moved on with his life like nothing ever happened between us. Is it hard with both our families still close. For me yes. You will always think about her. It never goes away. What happenes is that your thoughts of her will slowly happen once a day...once a week to once a month...maybe once every other month. It depends on how you live with and deal with it. I have since remarried to a wonderful man. I don't think about my "soul mate" much anymore. I threw away everything he had given me...from letters when I was six(I am 36 now) to presents his parents gave me when I was a child...to the time that we had our affair and the emails and letters he sent me. 3 years ago I needed to clean house and my heart. My husband deserved that and so did I. I may have thought that this person was my soul mate for as long as I could remember. But I had to come to the reliazation that he could have never really cared for me if he moved on as he had. If you really want to make the best of what you have you have to learn to shut that part off. It will take time. I know it's hard when your kids probably talk about her kids and her...I know...my family still talks about him and his new wife and baby. But you have to focus on your family that you have now. Keep the past in the past. Look to the future. Good luck to you.

Answer 6

I am going through something similar. I admire you for telling your wife - I think that took courage (I have not had the same courage to tell my husband). You need to make yourself extremely busy - perhaps go back to work, which is what I'm going to do. Good luck to you. Maybe you should read some of the answers I got to my similar questions because they are very helpful.

Answer 7

It sounds to me that your wife is your soulmate. You are just lusting after this other woman. We always want what we can't have. I have been there too. It will take a minute to get over, but do more things with your wife, get away together, it sounds like you love her very much. Good luck.

Answer 8

Here's a clue, a person married to someone else is NOT YOUR SOULMATE! By the way, you sound more bored than anything....so you just "think" you are so in love with this person.

Soulmates don't exist, either. You can love many different people in a lifetime...thats just a stupid word Jr High School age girls made up.................corny indeed!

Answer 9

I know you are thinking about your wife and kids but honestly you need to be a little selfish. It's YOUR life your talking about here and you need to be wiht the one who you love and feel most passionate about. Depending on how old your childeren are they might be too young to understand or they might be able to understand. First things first you need to see if your soul mate feels the same way. If you have deffinatly decided to saty with your wife nad forget about your soulmate then continue what you are doing ......time heals all things you just have to try to avoid all situations where she would be present.....Hope this helps i know its matters of the heart which are very complicated

Answer 10

nobody will come and supply it to you. you're going to need to move out and get it. until you're Indian woman and your dad and mom organize marriage for you and also you get to marry the man who could no longer be your soulmate however can be your existence mate.