Does anyone have an over sensitive husband like mine?

Question

My husband is 29 I am 35 and we've been married for 4 yrs and I have two kids from other marriages,15yr old girl and 10 yr old boy. We have a 3yr old boy with defiant issues. It been a hard 4yrs. Went to counseling and this helped for a while.
Now back to the old ways.He doesnt feel FIRST in my life and he gets his feeling hurt so easily cries when we argue. I know I am not the easiest to live with but, for the most part I am more laid back and labeled "catalyst" (free and trying to please) my hubby is a "organizer" (wants things to be in place and right) We are total oppossites.
I feel like I walk on egg shells all the time because I never know what has hurt his feelings this time. it may be the age difference and that I've been through two marriages before him and this is his first. I know he is insecure but and I try to put him first but when you have a job, 3 kids, 2 dogs other family and friends its really hard. Any suggestions? He's a good man-but there is no fun left

Ive tried to get him to go Doct. to get on medicine for his annal retentive ways. He doesnt believe in that. I take antidepressants for my anxiety and moods. I've run out of ideas!

Answer 1

I am with someone who is like this too. It is hard, especially when you feel like you can't really speak your mind. I guess the best thing to do (when you get a chance) is to spend some quality one-on-one time with him. Go out on dates a couple times a month. That kind of thing will help you reconnect and let him know at the same time that he does hold a valuable place in your life. It'll be fun for you too!

Answer 2

"walking on eggshells".... hmmm leads me to a question which I will answer in advance if this is the case.

Does your husband seem to see things emotionally entirely in blacks and whites with no shades of grey or colors? If so, you need to eliminate "borderline personality disorder" and "bipolar" from the list of things that may be going on for your husband. Between those two, bipolar caan bes the more dangerous but also the more treatable with well known and understood medications. Getting a borderline to admit they need help is said to be as hard to do as "getting an alcoholic to recognize that they have a problem when they won't even admit to ever taking a drink." That was my experience with my ex-, by the way -- so I know this particular problem more intimately than I really want to.

If those things problems are not what is up, and even if they are and begin to be treated/eliminated, it still takes time for things to stabilize and the best ways to assist that process are communication communication and more communication. 90% of which has to be at times when you are at the job, with the kids, feeding the dogs, and meeting the friends. My wife can glance at me at the dinner table and say just a few words that let me know that I am the #1 thing in her life, even while both of us are trying to keep the wild crowd (AKA 5 kids) at least pointed in the direction of good manners.

If a man thinks he is being "sensitive" when picking up an infant, and he drops her, the baby sure doesn't feel cared for. Similarly, being rough with the little one isn't caring either. Being sensitive means paying attention to the situation and using exactly the right amount of strenght/skill/etc. to make the best things come to be.

When my wife and I have disagreements, I am not trying to twist her heart in knots by boo-hooing it up. So I would argue that his crying when you argue is manipulation.

By the way, I am considered by many to be the most sensitive individual (man or woman) that they know because I am so damnably accurate with my perceptions-- yet I do not cry at the drop of a hat. Nor am I effeminate or gay. I just pay attention and have made it a habit since I was very young to try to meet life as best I can without over- or under- emotionally responding.

Answer 3

I don't think he is over sensitive. I think your husband loves you very much. Why do you feel you are the only one with kids, dogs, bills and life stuff. You have a husband, included him in all of those things. You are not alone or you shouldn't be. If you have a loving man, he will feel like this at times. Put your self in his shoes and see how you would feel. I think you guys have got in that rut that we all get in from time to time. I know your kids are important but don't forget about your best friend and your husband. Be glad you have a husband that wants your love. They are not many of those guys out there. Most of them could care less what there wife's think. If you want it to work you both need to make it happen. You both have to put the fun back into it. You guys have to work together. I wish you both the best. Good luck

Answer 4

Sounds like the age/maturity level issue caught up to you. But he's 29 and crying when you argue? Unless you are calling him some really bad names or threatening divorce, it seems he is a little too sensitive. Since you are a "pleaser", he is feeding off of this and manipulating your feelings away from the issues you need to deal with to his hurt feelings. Next time, maybe try sitting down and discussing these problems in a calm setting. Remind him that it is not just your responsibility to put him first in your life , but that it goes both ways. Ask him to understand that it is not just his needs , but that you have needs too that aren't being met because you are feeling overwhelmed. Ask what he can do to take some of the load off so that you can spend some more time with him - one on one. He needs to buck up and widen his shoulders a little to carry some of the responsibility for where your marriage is today. He could plan something special when he is feeling neglected instead of crying about it. Hope this helps.

Answer 5

I'd hate to be the one to go here, but I do think this is partially your fault, too. I hope that you can be open minded enough to read my entire response and actually put some thought into it before just getting defensive. Here goes.. Sit down and think. Ask yourself -- "How have I contributed to this behavior?" Even if you are a COMPLETELY loving and supportive wife, I feel this was obviously something you would have known about prior to marrying your husband, which means you're at fault as well -- you can't marry someone hoping to change them. If he was this way before you said your vows then you need to deal with your choices. I highly doubt this is a new behavior, however if it is then you need to sit him down and ask him why. Which brings me to my next point -- how supportive ARE you? Don't knock me -- I'm actually the 2nd wife to a man who has an 8 year old son. My step son lives with me full time and boy do I know how hard it is to raise another child, and to be wife #2. Wife #2 doesn't mean you're 2nd best though -- he did marry you for a reason and please try to remember that. Matter of fact, he married you AFTER spending a good portion of his life with this other woman, which speaks a lot about you and his feelings for you. :) If your husband is going through a rough bout with his ex wife, you need to be there to support him. Don't trash talk her, just support him, his feelings, and his decisions. I don't necessarily feel that just because your husband is having less sex with you that means he cares more about his ex wife's feelings than he does yours. When men are stressed, many of them have a sex drive that decreases. Who knows -- if it weren't his ex wife causing all the stress it could be work, and then what would you say? "My husband is more sensitive to his work than he is me"?? Here's how you get your husband's attention: When he comes home tonight, meet him at the door. (Do this every night, as a matter of fact.) Go to him, put your arms around him, and give him a nice, long kiss. Ask him how his day was, and tell him you love him. It takes giving attention to get attention. Start showing your husband on a daily basis how much he means to you. Cater to him, love him, and pay him lots of attention. It may sound silly but trust me -- once you do this, he WILL give you the kind of attention back that you need and deserve. Good luck. ADD ON: After reading these other posts I am angry and ashamed at the amount of people that think children should come first. That is absolutely NOT the case, please do not listen to them. Your spouse should always be your #1 priority, whether it be your 1st spouse or your 5th spouse. Children need to be raised in a home where they see that their parents (step included) put their spouse first, otherwise they will go to lead disrespectful marriages. My husband and I always put one another first, before his child from his first marriage and our child together. Because of this our household is a happy one, and our children are very respectful of one another and us as well.

Answer 6

I see you have many detailed and complicated recommendations some actually look very good however I would first try some very simple things to see what happens. One very basic thing is to be sure your conversations with him are not interrupted by others (including kids). teach the children to respect conversations between the two of you. (as they should with all adults) Do things involving just the two of you, don't take the kids or call to check on them. If you don't have a lock on your bedroom door get one! (that is the personal space of you and your husband) If you are already doing these simple basic things then move on to more complex methods if you aren't then maybe he isn't overly sensitive.

Answer 7

JMHO
let up on him,be thankful you have a mate with feelings.
Just like one of the above answer said it shows he does love you deep and it hurt's him
try not to be such jaded person at time's
You pointed out that you were married two other time's before him and that does not fit in with your relationship now..
He should be #1 and you too to him
You knew how he was before you married him correct?
and from a stand point of a Man that is the heart felt type
Let up on him and for matter of fact let up on you ...

Go spend a weekend alone,no kids,no dog,NO phone's
and just talk like you did and find the guy in him you
wanted before and why you wanted to get married to him

JMHO
be thankful for a sensitive heart the whole world is full
of the rest and you know it....
dont want to preach but you asked !!!!

All the best

Answer 8

you say there is no fun left...??? well,do YOU WANT things to work out,honestly? if so, then you have to find "the fun" again. there are so many things you can do! do your homework and make things happen. it takes two, so talk to your husband and work it out. i've been married for 25 years...thru 4 kids,2 step-kids,the bills and all life's headaches we have survived. i'm not saying it's easy,but if you both are committed ,it will happen! if you have to, seek help through a professional councilor.

Answer 9

Let him cry, tell him how you feel be yourself,him crying is him being his self. Also I'd reccomend sticking with him, because emotional people are all about love. But don't worry about hurting his feelings being yourself is the best thing you can do for him and yourself.

Answer 10

In my view he loves you , and cares for you a lot , but you both are not having proper sex enjoyment witheach other and that is the main cause for him to take tanqulizers and you to think like this
BOTH OF YOU NEED A EXPERT MEDICAL ADVISE FROM A GOOD DOCTOR