This man met my 16 yr old daughter through an equestrian facility and has been freinds with her for a couple years. He recently admitted to having an ongoing relationship with a 15 yr old girl. If I report him, I'll alienate my daughter. I know he has been trying to "groom" my daughter. I cut off all communications between them but realize she can easily set up an email account and continue to correspond with him in secret. I am just sick about this but don't know what to do. Any advise besides the obvious "just shoot him" would be greatly appreciated.
2006-11-01 01:24:17 · 32 answers · asked by worried dad 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Other - Family & Relationships
Look, bro. I see it like this with my kids. If you feel like the guy isn't good for your daughter, or if you think she should wait till she gets older, then that's the word. You ARE the Dad. Yes, you don't want to alienate your daughter, but you are first and foremost a Dad, and with that comes a certain responsibility to protect her whether she thinks she needs protection or not! And if she doesn't like it, tough. You would be doing the right thing. I don't believe there is some magic number age (18) that you can have a relationship with someone older, I think women mature much faster than men and the fact that he is older isn't the issue to me. He's really not THAT much older. That's my opinion on that tough. With that said, I am a man, and I know how men think, as you do. Just remember that. I seriously doubt he would want to marry your daughter or have just a plutonic relationship. He wants what he wants. Honestly if it were my daughter, I'd say back off. And if he didn't, then it's a Dad's right to do something about it. For me, that would mean beating his ***. For you it might mean calling the cops. Whatever you do, I'm sure she won't be happy. If she keeps seeing/ talking to him behind your back, its up to you what you do. Punishment at this age would probably alienate her, but if that's what you feel is best, then that's what you should do. She really doesn't know what she wants yet. I'd try to be a Dad, and really try sit down and show her you love her and try to explain why you are doing what you're doing. Tell her how men think. Just my .02. Good luck.
2006-11-01 01:38:17 · answer #1 · answered by james v 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
When I was 16 I had a "relationship" with a 23 year old. My mom didn't care and even helped to hide it from my dad. I was in no way ready for a relationship with this guy and it just so happened that he worked at the equestrian facility I rode at. Without getting into too many details this was not a good thing as I look back on it now. I am angry that my mother didn't care enough to know this was a bad thing. I would anonymously report him to the police and tell the barn manager maybe through an anonymous letter that you don't feel comfortable with him in the barn. Trying to not alienate your daughter is hard, but you can be careful and maybe she won't know it was you. You are doing the best thing for her even though she won't see it now. Good Luck
2006-11-01 01:45:15 · answer #2 · answered by MC Workin 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
This is a tough one, your 16 year old is old enough to date, but still under age 18 and is called a minor. You are her Parent/ Guardian and have to protect her from these kind of predators! If he had an affair with a 15 year old the words "Statutory rape" come to mind and the same thing could happen to your daugher.
You said he was "grooming" her and that is a huge red flag! :(
I know your daughter will be totally upset and angry if you report this man, but how much more hurt will she be if she is his next victim? If you know about this man's past affairs with underaged girls, you should report him and save your daughter! She will not thank you right away, but someday when she is more mature and realizes what you did for her best interests! Talk to her now and let her know your concerns... but don't threaten... just do it!
2006-11-01 01:31:24 · answer #3 · answered by MaggieO 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Report him.Do thr OTHER girl's parents know about him???They can shoot him. Change equestriuan facilities. Tell your daughter that you are not punishing her, but protecting her from HIM.Do whatever it takes.Do not worry about alenating your daughter. Level with her; don't lie or sugar-coat about how wrong this situation is , and what you are going to do about it.Remind her of Elizabeth Smart's kidnapper, Mark Foley, and all of the other pedophiles out there.This is SERIOUS. Your daughter needs to know that you have her best interests at heart.
2006-11-01 01:36:19 · answer #4 · answered by tvlscat@flash.net 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
This guy is sick report him and quick. Your daughter may not understand now, but she will one day. Don't risk her well being because you are afraid that she will be upset with you. Protect her because this guy us a pedophile and please do it soon because in a lot of states the legal age of consent is 16 and it is 15 in some. Found out the laws in your state and do whatever is necessary to protect your daughter. I wish you the best
2006-11-01 01:35:16 · answer #5 · answered by juicie813 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Report him to the police today! Keep your daughter away from him. Do not worry about alienating your daughter. You are keeping her safe from a sexual predator. If she gives you problems then punish her by taking away something she really treasures like her privileges at the equestrian facility. If you are worried about her emailing him, put a password on your computer. It is difficult to keep young children safe these days and it takes constant surveillance.
2006-11-01 01:29:03 · answer #6 · answered by Patti T 3 · 3⤊ 0⤋
Do the "slick dad" move. Take him out to dinner, pay for his food (nothing to expensive), make him feel all nice and stuff. And just when he thinks you're all "friends" and what-not, drop it on him---"If you so much as think of putting a pubic hair on my daughter..." You gotta finish the quote. I don't know how you think. But you have got to be a defensive dad. But at the same time let your daughter know that any guy 3 years or more older than her, only want one thing. It may seem like she's not listening, but trust me, she'll leaern. I've been there myself.
2006-11-01 01:34:22 · answer #7 · answered by Nicole S 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Report him to the police, he is going to continue on with this behavior until he is stopped. Good for you for putting a stop to the relationship with your daughter. You should take her to the doctor and ensure that he has not have a intimate relationship with her. This is very serious. This man is a pedophile. Call the police and explain the situation and do it fast. Good luck and God bless. You daughter will get over her anger if she has any, and that is your job as her mother to do the right thing. God bless
2006-11-01 01:29:29 · answer #8 · answered by ? 7 · 4⤊ 0⤋
HELLLOOO!!!!! Report his @ss!
What is more important to you? Your daughters relationship with you or her safety? You may alienate her now, but you two will work it out. If this man has told you about his relationship with a 15 year old. HE IS SICK! Report him, if you are that worried about upsetting her, don't tell her about it. Let her believe it was someone else who reported him. Just get him away from her now!
2006-11-01 01:55:57 · answer #9 · answered by -just me- 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You can't control the man. You can help your daughter have enough self-respect and strength to set boundaries. Help her and you will save her a life time of trouble. If you just remove HIM, there will always be another bad choice available.
Love your daughter. Let her know you love her. Let her know you will love her even if she makes bad choices. Spend more time with her. Help her to realize she is much too special to throw away.
2006-11-01 03:56:11 · answer #10 · answered by Faith 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋