Okay. So....my husband...who never wants much to do with sex, I caught on the computer looking at pornographic photos of other women on myspace......also he was in 20 something and 30 something Sex chat rooms, and....he was also in yahoo personals, looking at local women. He says he has never cheated, and wasn't looking to cheat.....but was just curious what was out there what single people his age look like because he has low self esteem. What hurts the most is the deception of it, and the fact that I can't help but feel like he was looking for someone or something else, but he is so closed off to me in general. I have never turned him down sexually or otherwise........and feel as though I am a good wife who is completly devoted to his needs! So why!? I don't understand! Am I in denial? Am I missing something here?! I this something all guys do?!
2006-11-01 01:01:20 · 21 answers · asked by LoveBiologist 3 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
vanisland...I don't have a problem with porn, but that's not all that it is when he's in chat rooms and looking at personals too! Read the whole question before you respond.
2006-11-01 01:24:13 · update #1
Porn or anything like it can be destructive to a relationship if it bothers one partner as is the case. Guys are visual creatures by design... so looking at pictures wouldn't be such a big deal but the searching through personals is a little different. If he is closed off to you otherwise, perhaps he's stuck there. Don't allow him to get further away in his head. If he won't talk to you, then get into a couple of counseling sessions and clear the air. He may have issues or be in a personal slump. Sometimes, as guys, these types of things are outlets for personal self-esteem isssues. Get to the bottom of it but be strong and stand your ground. Don't let him just write it off. Good luck.
2006-11-01 01:08:24 · answer #1 · answered by bigwheeler19 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Once in a while I'll view some pron on the net, but my wife knows I do so and have never hidden anything from her. I never tried to hook up with single women in chat rooms and don't have any inclination to. Once in a while I get an email from some that I gave an answer to on Yahoo and on a few very rare occasions I got a complete and sure that's very flattering. I'm secure enough with myself that I don't need to go on the net and try and see if women still find me attractive, which is what I think your husband is doing.
If you're not comfortable with what he's doing on the net draw a line and don't have him cross it. If he says it's harmless and nothing happens then tell him you'll start doing the same. see how he reacts to that.
2006-11-01 01:12:57 · answer #2 · answered by St.Anger 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I'm sorry, I can't back up my statement with statistics but it is apparently true that some 75% + of men look at pornography of some type. The internet makes it way too easy. Its even a subject that is discussed in church. There are support groups out there as well. I see it as the #1 problem in to days society. Woman often don't understand or even believe the scope of the problem. Most men probably don't even think its a problem. But it clearly is in you situation. Good luck
2006-11-01 01:21:37 · answer #3 · answered by papaz71 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
oh wow .... what a perv... you know some people need a little extra boost to get in the mood and maybe he found that if he looks at these other women that will put him in the mood ...so when your ready he'll be ready.... he could just be bored and don't have anything else to do ... does he work? ...have friends to go out with?... play any sports? if not then maybe he should either way keep him off these sites because maybe he is thinking about cheating .Shut it down before it's reality and then you'll be on Divorce Court....
2006-11-01 01:14:33 · answer #4 · answered by No 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
The porn wouldn't be so bad, but looking for "local women" is a definite red flag. And the sex chat rooms, too. I'm sorry you are going through this, I have been there myself, and it is a bad feeling to think you are not enough for him. I don't think all guys do it, but I'm interested in seeing the male response to your question.
2006-11-01 01:06:22 · answer #5 · answered by Lotus 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
The internet allows men and women access to things they would ordinarily not do because of the privacy involved. Yes many go through this phase, however it can become addicting and it could possibly lead to xtra marital adventures. Keep an eye on him, back off, but if it continues longer than another couple of months. talk to him about your concerns!
2006-11-01 01:32:29 · answer #6 · answered by dominicaquilino 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
he's definately looking around,but what about you?
you can still be a good wife but be more independent.
you're husband might find this more boring,see guys don't
like when the girl is at there every need,get out go have fun
let him assume is responsibility,do what you put off for so long
and this independence will attrack him.,i'll try to go after
you faster then you think.
good luck
isabelle
2006-11-01 01:11:29 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
ok don't go to packin your bags yet. he might be telling the truth. i have the same thing going on but it is me not my man. i have self esteem issues too and i get online and flirt and mess around but i never meet them. it makes me feel good that i'm still desired even though i'm only 23 i have gained some weight after haveing my son(i used to be 130 and now i'm 170) i was SOOO desired in high school and stuff but now i feel like a blob!! he might have the same issues. but my man has issues to with this and he doesn't get online but makes me feel like **** about the whole thing. any way talk to him about it and see if you can't comprimise on somthing my husband and i are going through a 3some thing(mff) and granted it does help me a bit he seems to be looking at himself better (now if i could get him to go with the 4 some deal) he knows i love and trust him. now if he would return that! but i'm bi so this works, plus it sices things up. some ideas are going to sex stores for toys and such and maybe a video to watch together. COMUNICATION is the key.
2006-11-01 01:19:29 · answer #8 · answered by Lisa M 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋
So what he looks at PORN who cares! my husband looks at internest porn,does it bother me,heck no! why because looking at porn is a guy thing,they been doing sence man was able to create a picture on a cave wall.....
If he said he's no cheating believe him....ask him if you guys can look at PORN together,I love looking at porn with my hubby,the human body is amazing,perfect,fat round what ever it's all beautiful. You need to start feeling better about yourself as a woman.
2006-11-01 01:17:55 · answer #9 · answered by vanislandwitch 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Don't group looking at porn with checking out women on dating sites. They're two completely different things. Something is seriously missing in your relationship, and if you don't figure out what it is, it will end soon.
Or, it might be that he's just a two-timing loser.
2006-11-01 01:10:36 · answer #10 · answered by Steven S 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋