Am I controlling my wife?

Question

My wife say she would like to be able to "spend without thinking", she wants to be able to go to the mall and buy what she wants when she wants because "she works hard". But the reality is that I also work hard and that her out of controll spending has put us into debt. When ever I try to ask her stick to the buget or talk to me before making large purchases she says I am controlling. This doesn't seem controlling to me, is it?

I do stick to a budget for myself. Infact have eliminated almost anything for msyelf that costs money to the point where I spend maybe 20 dollars a month on myself. I have told my wife that we will probably never be at a point where we can spend without thinking, this concept upsets her greatly and she refuses to accept it. I feel like the only solution to this problem is to just let her spend out of control for a month or so and let her see our bank account go hundreds negative and let our utilities get cut off. I feel once this happens maybe she will realize changes need to be made. A hitting rock bottom so to speak. I feel otherwise she will continue to harp on this controlling issue and it will end up causing us to split up. I do not control any aspect of her life she goes where she wants to go, does what she wats to do... I just dont dont know what a good solution is....

Answer 1

No, this is common sense!
But, I do understand the thought process behind her thinking, so for an almost pain free resolution, set her up with a bank account, put her "allowance" in weekly, (if she is a problem shopper, monthly if she maintains some self control!)
That's her do what you want money, but when it's gone..it's gone until the next deposit, there is NO more shopping money, no more go to lunch with the girls money..this account is to only be used for her ..not household, not household food.
To figure out an anoumt, sit down with the bills, and your wife.
Plan a viable household budget..the amount for her spending comes after all the bills and household expenses are paid, and after a set amount is put in savings for a rainy day..the catch is you also get the same amount..you work as well!

Answer 2

You are not controlling her, you are looking out for your livelihood like a good husband should. Your wife has a shopping addiction! I normally wouldn't recommend this for a couple but in your case it might just work. Separate your money from hers. Get separate bank account to which neither of you have access to the others and just go half on the utilities and the bills and she can do what she wants with whats left of her money. When she realizes that she doesn't have any left to spend like a crazy person she might start to see the light. Either way, the money you make is safe and the bills are paid. She can't say you're controlling her any longer because she'll be in control of herself. Just make sure that she contributes equally to the bills and all the things you have to buy like food and furniture or you wont have taught her a thing!

Answer 3

No, it is not controlling to have a mutually agreed upon budget and insist that every family member respect that budget. The key here is 'mutually agreed upon'.

If you're wife won't (or can't) sit down and plan a family budget, go to a professional financial advisor. It will cost, but save you in the long term. Sometimes people who will not be advised by their family members will accept advice from a professional. That way, this advisor will be "the bad guy" and not you.

If she feels like she needs to 'spend without thinking' now and then, then get a special debit card and budget for these shopping sprees ... she can then go ahead and 'spend without thinking' until the account is drained.

If, even if with these helps, she still insists on 'binge shopping' ... that is much a mental disorder as binge gambling. Go to counseling together and help her overcome this disorder.

Answer 4

This is not controlling, that is just wise and money management. If she wants to know controlling let her talk to me. I grew up with a controlling father and abusive. She just needs to go grow up and relax, there is nothing controlling about being conservative. There is such a thing as responsibility and apparently she doesn't understand that. I watch people around me spend like crazy and then when bills come do, they have issues paying them. They have had their stuff cut off. I am only 30 yrs old and know the responsibility of not spending money, but I also want good things in my life and I know I have to work and be responsible to get to those good things. Good Luck!

Answer 5

Out of control spending is an addiction just like drinking, and you are not being controlling by protecting your family from that.

The only choice you have is to open a solo account and have your paychecks direct deposited to it. Then transfer an appropriate amount to your joint account that the family budget can afford to have her spend money on. If she spends it on the wrong things, don't play rescuer -- but make sure the bills are paid, and the following month, do not transfer as much into the joint account.

Any other choice risks damage to your credit rating, etc., because you can bet that if she gets in trouble she will blame everyone else but herself.

Answer 6

You sound reasonable, not controlling. Tell her if she continues, you will cancel all joint accounts, pay only half of the bills , the other half is her responsiblity and any money she has after her half of bills and groceries are paid, she can spend. When we get a certain age we start to think of retirement. You cannot wait until the 11th hour and do it. It takes a lot of thought, time and planning. She should be thinking this too. Otherwise, you both will be working the rest of your lives. Ask her if she wants to do this? It is time for tough love. Good luck

Answer 7

TELL HER SINCE YOU WORK HARD YOU ARE GOING TO REFI THE HOUDE AND BY A NEW TRUCK. SHE IS A GOLDDIGGER I WLD SPLIT YOUR GUYS ACCTS BECAUSE SHE WILL TAKE YOU FOR A RIDE. also be careful your wife can also open up credit cards in your name and run them up. so when you do divorce you will have all the debt believe me this happens everyday i'm a bill collector and you don't know how many husbands i talk to that thier wife opened a credit card in thier name and ran it to the max. tell her she is a retard if she thinks she can spend without thinking tell her to go find a rich man. so the asnwer to your ? is no your not controling maybe you shoould just end this before it gets out of control! i

p.s. i would get your credit ran to see if she has open any credit cards in your name if i was to place a bet i would bet the bank she has don't fall victim to this shi t

Answer 8

Doesn't sound controlling, but I am only hearing your side of course. You guys need to sit down, get a budget and stick to it! If there is money left to go shopping, etc. then let her go for it! If you cannot do this-then in the end-the marriage is over cause money will destroy it. Good luck!

Answer 9

No, it doesn't seem controlling, only financially cautious. Your wife has a shopping problem,and is rationalizing it with the "I work hard" card,and placing blame on you by saying you are controlling and therefore that is why she spends as she does, Can you afford to have separate accounts? There is help for those like your wife.

Answer 10

Doesn't sound controlling to me, if you want to make and stick to a budget. Did you know that the most common cause of discord in a marriage is money problems?

You might consider finding a middle ground with her. Maybe even do a search for "budgeting for couples" in Yahoo for suggestions.

Also, the link below points to a budgeting calculator that ran in USA Today, with their budgeting story for couples.