My husband very rarely spends time with me or our son who's 13 months. My son looks forward to seeing daddy after work, but my husband maybe pays attention to my son maybe 45 seconds the eintire night, and most of the time i have to make him, and this is not an exageration.
We haven't slept together in over a week, he hardly talks to me all night. I know he works, but so do i. I take care of a toddler all day, How is a marriage goona work if we don't talk or be intimate, and did I mention when he's not working, he always finds something to do, lke fishing, Trying to talk to him about it doesn't work.
2006-11-01 00:26:45 · 22 answers · asked by ? 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
He takes to change very hard, but we've been fighting a lot latlely, and during every fight he tells me to get out. When I say ok and start to do it, he says he was just kidding. No he never wanted kids but once our son was born, he loves him. He even talks about having more.
2006-11-01 00:34:24 · update #1
I guess he doesn't take you seriously....So get online with Yahoo, and become a Yah-Hoe with all the guys....drop your undies and show them what you got...then look at all their wonderful toys....
Find a real winner of a man.
So far my wife has had a fake doctor tell her he was burned in an accident....had 5 guys claiming singleness and she found out they all had wives....Found 2 other guys that were "hooked" to their "Old girlfriends" and ONE guy who hasn't been married for 17 years!! (That's her present boyfriend)
2006-11-01 00:36:09 · answer #1 · answered by reggieman 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Often, when younger guys get married and have a child right away, the reality of their life being not one long bachelor party can hit them. Seeing the baby might actually freak him out a bit. It's wrong of him to ignore his child - it's juvenile and irresponsible and unloving. Still, that's how his mind is dealing with it. I'm not agreeing with his behavior, just trying to explain it.
The fact that he isn't being intimate on many levels and that he is actively finding hobbies outside the home - away from the baby, mind you - shows he is a bit panicked right now.
We all know you can't *make* someone love someone else. But you need to sit down -when the baby is asleep - and say to this guy, "Look. It's clear the baby is freaking you out right now. First of all when you ignore him, it hurts me since we made our child together. Second, the everyday burden of his physical care makes my schedule a huge challenge. You need to help me there and be a responsible adult. Third, I - me, your wife - want you around the house more so I can see you because I love you. And fourth, I have you spend time with our son so in 10 or 15 years you won't bitterly regret ignoring him all these years.
So, tell me what you are thinking and where you see us headed as a family. Will this be what happens every day for us - you come home, see the baby for 45 seconds, and then go fishing for 3 days? Because the 2 of us won't be able to handle that. What would you like to have happen in our house? What is on your mind?"
Then be quiet and don't interrupt with "uh-huh" every 3 seconds or offer an answer or agree or anything - just shush - and listen for 30 minutes until he is done speaking.
Saying 'I want more kids' is his johnson talking. And for god's sake stop having sex with him for a while. Tell him until the intimacy issue is solved on other levels sex is too weird for a week or two. Don't have more kids with someone who clearly does not want them! Children do not solve relationship issues, they make existing problems worse!
2006-11-01 08:39:24 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Actually, your husband's answer would probably work. YOU get out. Go somewhere and leave him to watch the baby. Let him take the child with him when he goes fishing.
There is such a thing as too much family togetherness. Each (adult) family member needs to have interests and activities that take her (or him) away from the family. I think that if you joined a weekly bowling league, took a class, started spending Tuesday evenings with your mom ... whatever ... that you husband would be pleased and happy, even it meant he had to stay home and baby-sit.
Just back off and let him baby sit in his own way. Let them have canned soup and toaster waffles for supper if they want. Don't come home and find fault with the way he minded the baby ... as long as nobody got seriously injured, he did a good job. Tell him so and thank him over and over. Men like to feel appreciated.
Remember, the key here isn't "You never spend time with your son" ... it's "I've signed up for a volunteer group. Would Tuesday or Thursday be better for you?"
2006-11-01 08:59:24 · answer #3 · answered by kill_yr_television 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sit him down and make your feelings known.
Don't attack him though, ask how he is doing, feeling, dealing with the addition to the family. You may find he is afraid of being a parent or upset that he has to share your attention.
Show him that no matter what, you will always make the time for him and his is and always be #1. Invite him on a date, or for coffee. Leave him a love note in his lunch, call him at work just to say that you love him. Plan a "No-TV" night or a weekend away. When you plan a date with him, treat is as an appointment for work. You are to attend, no excuses.
Don't wait for him to start things in the bedroom, take control now. Depending on your situation this may be a huge step but on that you will be stronger for it. If you want something intimacy wise ask him for it. Communicate what you want/need and teach him to give to you. Would you......., I would love if you....... or offer it to him. Would you like......, Can I....... You could wake him up with intimacy or sneak into the shower with him in the morn before work. Most importantly, don't be offended if he says no. Intimacy is like sales, you must make 10 phone calls to get 1 appointment. Somedays he may ask and you will say no too.
You can try counselling also but he must be willing to participate and apply what is discussed.
2006-11-01 09:23:34 · answer #4 · answered by SRC 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Oh I have this same problem, after we start to argue-it goes on for days when we don't speak and I couldn't even tell you the last time we had sex. (I am 8 months pregnant, with three previous kids and we have been married one year) I also do not think a marriage can work this way. I am just waiting until the baby is born and if things don't change I am getting out! I deserve better then this and so do you and your child.
2006-11-01 08:31:19 · answer #5 · answered by blonde_bitch_norris 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You are certainly not the first woman with this problem. It's the same way married or not. If you can find a man, that totally gets into the baby thing ...good luck! It's very hard , isn't it? After all, you didn't make that baby by yourself. A baby changes things. I don't know what to say except that your baby needs you. He needs his mama for everything right now. And take it from experience, that child will bring you more joy in your life, than any man will. Even if your man isn't there for you, your child will be. (and it just gets better...my children surprise me, the older they get. All the struggle is worth it!)
2006-11-01 08:39:28 · answer #6 · answered by Scorpius59 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Mamm,Your husband is who i was prior to 9 years ago.I did the same things he is doing.Hunting, fishing, working,I even was cheating with many women.Not to say he is cheating though.It wasn't until my divorce after 26 years of marriage that i felt like suicide that i sought help.My life felt meaningless!Soon i found myself seeking GOD and through HIS SON i found HIM!!! He opened my eyes to my past and i could see clearly who i had been and how i destroyed the lives of my family.I had been in fact insane!!! It was pure selfishness and disregard of the feelings of my wife and kids.Till this day i haven't received all their forgiveness and am still trying to salvage some part of a relationship with my kids.Respect was totally lost and very hard to get back.I will regret to the day i die the neglect towards my family and the actions i committed.Family is the most important in a persons life next to GOD.Hopefully he will see this before he reaches the point i did!Please show this answer to him and hope it will help!!?
2006-11-01 10:11:44 · answer #7 · answered by doug 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Wow, that's amazing. I was so excited with the birth of my son, I could not wait to get home to play with him.
It sounds as though he is worried that he has lost his youth, now he has become a parent and does not know how to handle it. Could even be that he is following his dad's footsteps. There is a lot going on in his head and someone needs to find out.
It is going to be very hard for you to make a marriage work if you have to do everything and still have no signs of love.
My advise, get a family member to watch your baby one night, take your husband on a date, go to dinner and a club/bar, see if that will loosen him up. If not take him out to the car and scr*w him silly, do something to open him up.
Good luck sweetie, and congratulation on the birth of your son.
2006-11-01 08:34:06 · answer #8 · answered by loser 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
If you tried talking to him and it didn't work try telling him that you want to end the marriage if things don't change. I think it may just be the kick in the pants he needs to snap out if his self-centered delusion.
I look forward to coming home and helping my 7 son with his home work. I wash the plastic containers from our lunch and start supper. My wife gets home an hour later. It gives my son and I a chance to money around the house.
2006-11-01 08:35:51 · answer #9 · answered by St.Anger 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Find a marriage councillor, if he won't go, find your son another daddy as it seems that this relationship will not be a good one him or you.
Does he smell of purfume or has he just small like he has had a shower when he comes home late all the time? Does he push you aside and say he's just to tired? Get a PI
No that assumption could be quite unfair, maybe consider a form of post delivery deppression. Get counselling.
2006-11-01 08:32:38 · answer #10 · answered by Triestobewise 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋