This child has gone from honor roll to a D average. He is talking back and totally defiant to the point that he is no longer wanted in the house. He does not care about his appearance, has to be told to bathe, and does exactly the opposite of what he is told. He is disrespectful in school and at home. Over the summer it was revealed that he had smoked marijuana on more than one occasion. All signs seem to point to this but cannot be sure. Some say he's just being a teenager. The father has moved out of state and is of little help since his remedy is "talking to him." I feel more drastic measures are needed to prevent this child from heading in the wrong direction. Any suggestions? P.S. He refuses counseling.
2006-10-31 23:44:35 · 11 answers · asked by KB 2 in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Adolescent
i'm not really fit to give advice, as I'm not a parent, yet you can keep talking to him about how much you love him, and just want the best for him. I know you've probably already done this, and I'm sure he's already heard it, and just lets those words run in one ear and out the other, but keep telling him. He needs to realize that each time he does something defiant or "bad," it hurts you and hurts you deeply.
Aside from the love standpoint, he is a young man and should be held accountable for his whereabouts and actions. Perhaps you should take it to the point of contacting the local authorities. Make this known to him...that he is completely responsible for himself and he is liable to suffer any consequences that his actions may incur. Perhaps he is someone who learns to change his ways only after he sees how desructive his actions really are.
But whatever you do, don't back off..keep on him and keep after him.
good luck:)
2006-10-31 23:52:09 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
I would look into who his "friends" are. I think if he has a problem with drugs, it's secondary to his "friends". They are the biggest influence in his life right now. And he's 13, he CANNOT refuse counseling!!! You still have to be the parent, the adult!!! You can make him go. He might throw a fit, but you can make him go. Another thing, if you let him slide on things right now, just wait till he gets closer to 18......then you really can't do anything with him. You have to do what you can for your kids when you still can. He is still reachable!! Don't give up!! High school is a tough time for kids. The peer pressure is immense!!! More so now than when I was a teen. Show him some "tough love". He will thank you for it when he's older. I know I do my parents. My mom would probably say that a good old fashioned leather belt would work wonders in this case LOL. I wish you the best of luck & hope for you and him that things work out. (Alot of it too is the teen attitude, I myself have a 12 y/o who will be 13 in Jan. and I see it already)
2006-11-01 01:08:56 · answer #2 · answered by Crystal 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
It coule be a few things:
1) Puberty - It explains alot of the things, droped average, weed, hygene. Just be stricter
2) Drugs - From experience marijuanna wont do this to a person unless they are constantly high and I doubt a 13 y/o has the money for that. if drugs really are a prob, its hard stuff hes on, the only way to find out and help is to ID the substance, search room/locker. And follow him for a couple of days to c what hes up to. The get him appropriate professional help.
3) New Friends - This is what happened to me and I couldnt be more gratefull to my new circle of friends, they took me from the stuck up "nerd" that I was and turned me into a new person. Sure my grades are lower but i think it was for the better. If that is what has happened to this kid I would say this us what happened but he got in with a relly bad crowd.
2006-11-01 12:45:18 · answer #3 · answered by Dylan 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Wow, the symptoms your child is demonstrating "could" easily be drug abuse. I would definitely somehow get him tested to be sure. You must know if he is on drugs. Otherwise, the problem can magnify hugely and very fast.
If you find out it is not drugs, then talk to him, try, try, try, try to reason with him. Tell him you feel family counseling could help and explain to him that you love him enough to go to family counseling. If he agrees to go to family counseling, then maybe a little later he would agree to try individual counseling.
Unless he gets into trouble with the law, the authorities would not be able to help.
Unfortunately, these teenagers nowadays can really be a challenge, and I know how difficult it can be!
It could be a teenager phase, but nonetheless, it is causing huge family problems, evidently. I sympathize. If it is this teen phase, hopefully your problem won't last for long!
Good luck!
2006-10-31 23:53:01 · answer #4 · answered by peekie 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You have your choice to make. (1)You can have him go into rehab for drug use, and alcohol if he's using that too. (2) you can have him go into a boot camp. (3) he can go into counceling. It doesn't matter if he refuses or not, you just have to bring him> (4) You can talk to the school councellors about it and have her try to talk to him. (5) You can ship him to his dad's and let him deal with it. (6) Try tough love. by that I mean you ground him, maybe put bars or something on his windows in his bedroom. Tell him you still love him and want to see him succeed, band him from hanging out with what ever friends do drugs and that with, He may retalliate for a while but in the end tough love is worth it. You need to remind him that you are the boss not him, and tell him that he will not do drugs, he will be grounded until he can get his grades back up, that you don't want to see anything lower than a "c+" or a "B" what ever grade you decide, and that he will listen to these rules or else he will go either to bootcamp or get shipped to his dads house and he can deal with it. Teenagers don't want to listen any more, they think that they are all grown up and can do what they want to and when they want to. He does need something. You need to be tough with him and do what you say you'll do. Don't say something unless you intend to follow through with it. You may want to talk with the local police department and ask them what you can do with him, what are your options and let them know that you know he has smoked pot over the summer and you think he may still be doing it. Maybe the police can have him spend either a night or a weekend in jail so he can get a taste of what it'll be like to go to jail and maybe that will scare him, and knock some sense back into him. These are my suggestions. I am a single mother of 5 sons ages 15,13,10,9, and 2. So I have gone through alot with them and I do tough love and follow through what I say with, I do think I know what i'm talking about.
2006-11-01 00:05:36 · answer #5 · answered by danielle m 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
IT IS NOT just being a teenager. It is a drug problem. Don't be naive -- I was. Then you'll be dealing with a 21 year old with severe problems. Go to tough love if there's one available, if not go to narcanon meeting asap and get help. this is huge you must set very strong expectations of what you tolerate. You can take everything away -- you have the power. Pray
2006-11-01 02:09:19 · answer #6 · answered by it's me 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Pot really has nothing to do with it. look at the people he is hanging with. THEY have all the influence on him. If talking doesn't work, pull him out of the main school, and put him in on of the alternative schools. It worked for a few people that I knew in high school. The reason I say pot has nothing to do with it, is because it is a mellow drug, all natural. But, if it is laced, than it can mess him up. I used pot in high school, and it didn't change ne at all. I wouldn't even let the people I was hanging with change me. I was above the influence. The child in question, is still really young. He may not realize how much it has effected him. I would just pull him out of the school and put him in another one.
2006-10-31 23:52:38 · answer #7 · answered by gin 4 · 0⤊ 1⤋
He's 13. He can't refuse counseling. The mother and the father make him go to counseling. He's STILL a child. He's ACTING like a child. TREAT him like a CHILD.
2006-10-31 23:47:07 · answer #8 · answered by just browsin 6 · 4⤊ 0⤋
YOU need to talk to a professional counselor immediately and find out how to help your son. This behavior shows the classic signs of molestation or abuse that he is not wanting to talk about. Could also be feelings of abandonment caused by the father moving out of state.
Just because he refuses counseling doesn't stop you from going to counseling to help you get through to him before his life gets even worse.
2006-10-31 23:57:26 · answer #9 · answered by Elaura 3 · 1⤊ 3⤋
he is trying to find his place.. tell him this in unacceptable behavior and if he wants to act like a child you will treat him like one.. take away everything that is precious to him one thing at a time... and that he has to come and talk to you if he wants to get it back....... he will hate you .. don't try and be his friend...... be strong and stick to your guns...... good luck
2006-10-31 23:58:30 · answer #10 · answered by mum 2 Cameron and Ewan 5 · 1⤊ 1⤋