we have just found out that we are having another baby due mid June our 1st baby is 10 months and we're unsure if this is right for us, we feel bad that our child has not had enough time to herself and i feel that i am still a bit down an all over the place about the 1st baby, i am 20 and my partner is 24, we are fully capable and very loving parents and have alot of family around us but they have also reasurred me just how hard it will be with 2 small babies the thing is its not impossible and is that any sort of reason not to have a child?? Help!
2006-10-31 23:29:43 · 30 answers · asked by daphneyspears 1 in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Pregnancy
I would like to thank all the people that gave helpful & civilised answers. To the few out there that would like to comment on my use of contraception etc i dont believe the question was anything to do with that maybe in future you should read over the questions a few times before answering
2006-11-01 07:25:39 · update #1
Hi, I am in the exact same situation. Out son was 10 months and I found out I was pregnant again due on June 3rd, which would make them 18 months apart. I am still having a hard time dealing with it on some days but then I think about how much I love our little boy and I can't imagine not having another one. It will of course be hard but we can do it. I too am only 20 and will not be 21 until July. My partner is 23 and we have been together for almost 5 years.
Of course you will always have those cynical people that think everything you do is wrong no matter what. Don't listen to them, don't be scared enjoy your pregnancy!! Congrats.
2006-11-01 00:19:35 · answer #1 · answered by flaminfortune 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Don't worry. Your feelings are absolutely normal. I had my babies 20 months apart too. I found out I was pregnant on my first daughter's first birthday.
After the initial elation at finding out I was pregnant again, I then thought, 'What if baby 1 doesn't want to have baby 2 around?. Was I closing a chapter on baby 1's life that she didn't want to close? I got to feeling that more and more as I became bigger and bigger and the day came closer and closer.
However, when I had baby 2 everything seemed to slot into place. Now they are 13 and 11 and the best of friends, well, most of the time. It was hard work at first, there's no denying that. Having a newborn baby and then having to handle a toddler who is part way through potty training and into the terrible twos stage is not really that much fun but once baby 2 starts moving, it becomes a whole lot easier. You know how every time your first baby made a little whimper, you leapt up and tried to find out what was wrong? Well, the second time round you think, 'You'll just have to cry, darling, because I am putting all these tins back in the cupboard for the tenth time' or 'I'm changing your sister's clothes because they're wet, AGAIN'.
Although there was one point when baby 1 said, 'Can we put her away in the cupboard now?' like she was some doll, they have been brought up together and cannot recall a time when either one of them wasn't in their life. They often say that their sister is their best friend and have mini sleepovers at the weekend in one or the other's bedroom, swap clothes, CDs etc, share friends, do each other's homework and paper round, stick up for each other at school................
It's all good, clean fun and just think of it the other way around - when they've gone off to college/uni or moved out, you and hubby will still only be in your early 40's. It will be parties and holidays a go-go!
2006-10-31 23:46:48 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
I was 21 when I had my 1st daughter, I'm 23 now & have 10 month old twins (boy & girl), I had them just after turning 23 so there is a 14 month age gap between my eldest & the twins, my partner is a month younger than me. It's hard work & yes you will find that your eldest doesn't get as much attention anymore but whose to say that's a bad thing? My eldest was so spoiled up until the twins arrived, she was always wanting to be picked up, now though she's an independant little madam, I'm not allowed to brush her teeth, open her sweets, get her toys out etc, she has to do it all unless I want a screaming session so I let her get on with it! She does get jealous but I always make sure we have some alone time, even if it's only going food shopping together, she puts all the food in the trolley (not the eggs though!).
People visited me & were shocked to see I was coping with the 3 children under 18 months but what choice do you have? You will surprise yourself I assure you & I'm sure you have plenty of family around you on hand to help if you need them to. Mine are great, my dad is here almost everyday so I can go out shopping or paying bills etc.
I always wanted children close in age so that they could grow up together, yes there will be fights as with any siblings no matter how much older or younger they are but just because they are close together doesn't mean you can't do it, I have & I'm still coping well, somedays it's harder than others but what else do you expect? You will be fine, your daughter will be roughly 16 months old when the new baby arrives so she'll be into dollies etc, be sure to get her her own set of play feeding bowls & dolly highchair, my daughter has those so when I feed the twins she feeds her dolly, it's the cutest thing!
Whatever you decide to do do it for you & your partner, don't let anyone tell you you won't cope with 2 because you will, us women are amazing! :)
Good luck x
2006-11-01 00:11:26 · answer #3 · answered by C Greene 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It is actually easier to have two than one...strange but true. My two sons have a 21 month age diffference. We took our first born to all the ultra sound appointments and explained that the baby in my tummy was on tv. We involved him with buying stuff for the baby.
I was as unsure as you are, and while pregnant would go up and ask mothers with two toddlers for any tips they can give me. I took most of the advice they gave me. Like always have time for both, you have two arms and two legs, so you can give two cuddles at once. Involve the eldest with the baby when it is born, let the elder child show them how toys work, or put the baby under a baby gym and let the elder one show them how it works.
Most important keep their routines the same. Bathe them together, in the same bath; feed them together, put them to bed together, change nappies together...you will find this easier on you.
It is scary having two, but if you don't play favourites (can't understand that myself) they will end up the best of friends. Don't feel bad about your first born having enough time by herself...the second born won't get that privilege at all.
Some people will scare you into thinking two are hard, and in some ways they are...but mostly it is easier, and you will find they are more content because they have a playmate.
If it is what you want then it is sure to be the right decision. Good luck
2006-10-31 23:43:38 · answer #4 · answered by chelles_insanity 4 · 2⤊ 0⤋
There is 17 months between me and by older brother, and my parents were 20 and 25 at the time, and managed just fine. Now read this: there is 10 months between my husband and his older brother, and a year later the third boy was born. Yes, my hubby's mum got pregnant a month after the first one was born, and she was a single mum (married but the dad was a looser). Its not going to be easy, but what is in life? Your baby will have a sibling to play with, fight with and support each other. Furthermore your firstborn will learn to share things with the other one, so in the long run it will save you a lot of stress as the children will not become selfish, and want your constant attention as they will have each other to amuse. So in the long run, it will be good for all. Its only the first 2 years that will be hard, but it is all for us humans. You have a stable relationship, family around you, love, so what else do you need. Also best to have one now, the sleepless nights, $hitty nappies over and done with now, as opposed to starting all over in say 5 years time. Good luck, and look on the positive side.
2006-10-31 23:53:38 · answer #5 · answered by ribena 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Be happy & hope that the 2nd is as healthy as your first.I know it's a bit of a shock but you will eventually get over it.I found out i was pregnant again when my daughter was only 9 months & now they are 9 & 11 it is great & they get along well.You are lucky that you have a lot of family support as that always helps but is not always an option.I've brought my children up on their own since my youngest was 6 months old & my eldest just 2 so be lucky you having a loving & supportative husband to help.
Goodluck with it all & hope you have a stress free pregnancy
2006-10-31 23:45:16 · answer #6 · answered by cowboys4lee 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Don't worry. You'll do fine. My kids are 13 months apart. I had mine when I was 24 & 25. It is a little extra work with two babies, but they also go through stages at the same time.
You can shave a year off of diaper and bottle duty because they'll be going through them at the same time. They'll both like things geared to babies at the same time. You already have all the baby gadgets, no need to collect them again.
Having them both now will mean they grow up together & can do the same things as they get older and your young enough to be able to be active with them when they are young adults! Congrats!
2006-10-31 23:54:07 · answer #7 · answered by ? 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Absolute rubbish from your family. I grew up with a 10 year age gap between my sister and myself. Yes I received lots of attention, but I was bored and lonely. You have given your first child a wonderful gift - a best friend they will have for their entire life! You and your partner are young enough to cope with the demands of two young children. I feel this will be a wonderful and exciting time for the two of you. You can spend special time with your firstborn while your partner looks after the baby ( also a good chance for you to get out of the house for a while). All the best toyou.
2006-10-31 23:42:39 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
hi, well you've only got two options really haven't you. It will be hard for the first few years but after that i think you will have two really close friends. Plus think of it as a positive side you'll have your family young and all together.. my mum had my brother and then my sister closely together and i think they were close (my sister died before I was born from leukemia) but then i've got a 10 year old son and were thinking of starting a family shortly(we recently had a miscarriage)so think how mad that will be(i'll have forgotten everything!) So maybe see it as a blessing. Good luck x
2006-10-31 23:41:03 · answer #9 · answered by CazW 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
This is a very personal decision that you and your partner will have to make. Your daughter will be fine if you decide to have the baby. You on the other hand will have a lot of work ahead of you. It would be a good time to have another baby. You have most of the supplies you need. I wish you the best of luck.
2006-10-31 23:38:35 · answer #10 · answered by Chris 4 · 2⤊ 0⤋