Am I too attached?

Question

I have been with my husband for 8 years and now he has gone on first trip away from me(for work) but he has turned phone off And i feel so angry at him. I dont even like him visiting friends without me. I dont get jelouse of him It's just......yes I think I am too attatched how can I change

another problem is that we have no family or friends that can babysit out three kids so I am just home all day with 3 boys under age of 5 maybe thats why I need him so much (adult company)

Answer 1

I want say that you are tooo attached. I think that you are scared of change. I also that you are afraid that he might cheat on you.

Honey, I have been with my husband for 5 years, and when have 2 small children, 4 & 2. For the first 3 years of our relationship he worked out of state and would be gone for a week to three weeks at a time. At that point in time he did not have a cell phone, so I had to wait everynight until about 7:30 or 8:00 to talk to him. When he was home we didn't hardly even go to the grocery store without each other. Then a little over 2 years ago he quit working over the road, he was home everynight by 4:45 or so. Then he started working out of town, but home every night but just a little bit later. We finially got him a cell phone too, I wanted him to call me everynight before he left from work to come home. After a few months he got to were he would "forget" to call me when he was on his way home. Of course I would be pissed. where were you at what were you doing, i need a break from the kids, and so on. Then if that wasn't bad enough about a year a go he was working far enough out of town every day that he had to leave by 5:30 am and not get home until about 7:30 pm and have to eat take a shower and spend time with the kids and relax all before he went to bed by 10:00pm. We live in southern missouri, the roads that he was driving on are curvy as heck and you see deer all the time. He was starting to fall asleep driving and I was honestly scared that something was going to happen to him while he was driving and he didn't get cell service most of the way. So me being the caring person that I am I told him to get a motel room Monday night through Thursday night so he could get some rest. After a few months his room mate (my sis's b-friend) and him started going out to the local bar. He would go outside and sit in his truck when i would call him. The he started doing drugs, then he started cheating on me.

I blame my self.... For one I should not have let him stay gone up there all the time. and I should have giving him his space to were he would not have felt like he had to go do those thing because i was smothering him.
But on the other hand. I have set at home for 5 years taking care of HIS kids, taking care of HIS bills, washing HIS clothes, cooking HIS dinner...and that is what I got.

Sweet Heart you can look at my story in two ways, you can realize that maybe you are pushing him away, and you guys need to start doing somethings with out each other. You need to take a break from the kids every once in a while, and let him take care of them for a few hours. I go and play BINGO once a week, that is my 3 hours away.... trust me it helps!!! Find something to do for just you. Get together with some of your friends that have kids that you share the same intrests with. Then maybe you guys get a babysitter so that the 4 of you could go out and have fun, and eventually have a girls night out and a guys night out.

since I found out that my husband was doing the things he was doin, We have started doing more thinds seperately. Mostly because I wanted to see if he is really the person that I want to spend the rest of my life with after he did that to me. And to be honest with you getting out by myself or just me and the girls, make me feel like a whole new person. I am not going to say that I completely trust him again, because I don't , but I think that it makes him realize how much it hurts to sit at home and not know what the other one is doing. And by doing that I think he has realized why I was always calling him, and wanting to know where he was, who he was with, and when he was coming home. He does the same thing to me know. So what I am trying to say, If you give him his space and you take yours, you might learn to let go just a little, and him might learn to appreciate what you do more. And in doing so, it might get that old flame between the two of you burnig strong again.

I am not saying that he is cheating on you or anything, but I honestly think that if you are worried about being too attached. He might think that you are...and that may not be good.

Answer 2

I understand the situation, but I don't understand your anger. My partner has just come back from starting a job where he works away for 2 weeks and is home for 1 week. I had one friend here (who works two jobs) and no family, and with two toddlers, and had gotten to the point where I had no confidence. So what did I do? Start getting out there and meeting people, first starting at the daycare my kids go to (so they get a break from me for a while); and I found that there are other parents out there in the same situation. so they couple of parents I have met and I have become friends, with the intent on meeting more of the parents. This way we have something in common, and we get to meet people instead. While this is the equivalent of jumping in the deep end, and try to ignore the self confidence issues...it gains respect, because people can see when you have no confidence, it is the putting yourself out there that gains respect.

So stop being angry at your situation and your husband, and do something about yourself, then you won't feel angry when he is not around.

Answer 3

It's okay to love someone so much that they become your world and vice-versa. It happens. It's not healthy though, to be so mutually exclusive as to get into this level of jealousy. I know you said it's not, but I've been there too honey, and it's just another kind of the green eyed monster.

It's important to be an individual as well as a partner. One way to start is to pick up a hobby that you do alone. This will help you to find yourself so that when he does go away, it isn't the end of life as you know it. Trust me, you will still get jealous, and sometimes with such rage you could spit bullets, but at least you can channel all those feelings into something enjoyable, and avoid the bitter root towards your husband that it can leave behind.

Answer 4

You need some self esteem .
Being overly possesive is the best way to DRIVE a man away.
You should have gotten the hint when he turned his phone off.
It doesn`t mean he doesn`t love you ,but he needs a break as we all do .I Am sure he didn`t want his own mother around him constantly .You need to have other interests or hobbies to keep you busy. Volunteer at a hospital or nursing home . Get a part time job. If you have other interests it will give you both more to talk about .
Do yourself a favor if this doesn`t help ,seek counseling.

Answer 5

ok..... have you always been this way, or is it only recently that you've noticed it? you are really overprotective and you need to ask yourself what good is it doing anyone?
you've got to give him space! let him do his own thing once and a while! he obviously loves you, but that doesn't mean you have to be with each other all the time. you need to stop doing this otherwhys he'll get sick of you. do things to distract yourself, like taking a walk, watching a movie, going out with your friends, he isn't your whole life (just a big part of it!)

Answer 6

Thats pretty suspicious that he has his phone off. What do you think the reason for that is. A lot of men that "date" in my taxi turn their phones off so that their wife cannot interrupt their time with the Ho. I hope that he is not cheating on you, but since you are so controlling he is probably just relaxing somehow......

Answer 7

trust your husband. as for being home with the kids all day, you need to find activities that you can do with them: go to the park and play for a few hours, go to the mall, take them site-seeing, just do things outside the house. i wish you good luck!

Answer 8

I SYMPATHISE with you i am in the same boat but a man,its difficult but what keeps me going is the time i get to spend with my kid will be invaluable in later life.

Answer 9

u r controlling ur husband too much... juz trust him.. he is off to work not off to find girls.. dun worry.. when theres love theres always faith.. let ur husband know how faithful u r to him and tell him u hope he will be faithful to u..

Answer 10

get your own life! Own friends, own hobbies...it's not okay that he has switched off his phone though