guys,what do i do in my cheating husband situation?

Question

my husband is in the air force, so he's gone a lot. we have a 4mo. old and i just found out he cheated on me or rather, has been, and spent $400 on strip clubs and "massage spas" in vegas. when i asked him about it he denied it, when i checked the account, and there it was in black and white he fessed up. about everything.this behavior has been going on our entire (short )marraige (1 yr 2 mo.) we keep saying "divorce" and then making back up, and my main concern is my daughter. the worst part is were both very young, im a lifeguard and a cocktail waitress, not like i have a career to support my daughter with on my own. should we separate? see other people? i asked him a couple days ago if hes been looking at porn, he said no,then tonight when i came home, there it was all over the comp. screen. does he want me to end something he cant? im very attractive, all his friends and co workers say so, so whats wrong?

Answer 1

That he is cheating does not mean that he does not love or find you attractive. It does not mean he wants to end the marriage either. It is just a male thing. The more the merrier. He is just seeking fun adventure and something different.
Have someone talk with him. Someone he respects and will listen to. It might help. Keep your head and remain cool even as he seems to have lost his.

Answer 2

First of all know its not you. Many women including super models are cheated on by their boyfriends/husbands. This cheating is unacceptable and warrents divorce and for you to get child support from him. The money should not be your concern because he should give most of the money for raising your daughter through child support so really you just need to support yourself. (The court will see the amount of money you make and give you more from him).
If and only if he is sorry then you can forgive him. How do you know? Well, I would make him join sex anonymous or marriage counseling (both is better). If he isnt' willing to do these and profusely apologizes , then you have no choice but to end it .
OHH and btw i wouldn't worry about the porn. It's not a big deal. I even found a Playboy in my 70 year old gradfathers drawer who protested agaisnt porn his whole life! yuck..lol
let him look, but not chatting on computer and touching or anything real. Guys like looking at varieties of women, thats why you don't see them looking at teh same woman in the porn all the time.

Answer 3

Listen DO NOT stay with this man because of the child. I am 45 I have never had a GREAT job but I supported my daughter on MY OWN without his help. Thankfully the job that I have has medical and dental. But with him being in the military as long as he is in that is an expense that you do not have to worry about!! Yes I have done without for my daugther, however, every sacrifice I made was well worth it! My daughter is a beautiful 18 year old who does not drink smoke or do drugs. And most importantly she is still a virgin. She is in college at this time and she works hard. I guess it all depends on the parent as well. Everyone that knows my daughter thinks that she is the most polite kind and considerate person they have ever met and I am always receiving compliments on her behavior. I think that excuse is just a cop out on your part.

Answer 4

Thank you for asking this question and I am marry my old man for 25 years. I have my 2 cents to share and analyze your situation.
1.You both are too young to have children
2. He is far away from you and he needs someone to cheer him up and make him feel good about himself.
3.You have a baby and it is a tough time to raise children by yourself and working 2 jobs.
4.You need to ask him to get counseling before you separate and get a divorce.
5.I see a communication broke down and it needs to be fixed and remember it takes two to tangle.
6.sit down and keep cool asking why he is not honest with you and the baby.
7. Ask him about what is his plan for you and his baby.
8. Analyze him about who is he hanging out with a family man or a single crown.
9. Be strong and firm and do not be afraid to fight for what is right and Principle.
10.Meanwhile, try and let him talk to see his side of story.
11. Marriage is a work and you need to stress to him and you that it is a team effort. No win win situation.
12. Keep your cool and believe in yourself that you can live without him.
13.If it end You can get education and support your own kid.
14. You may hit a jack pot marry a million dollar man Who know life is funny?
Good luck and I am honor to answer your question.

Answer 5

Every state, and in some states every county is different most county's have a free family law center it might have a different name but its basically the same a place where you can find out about divorce and related including child rights custody support, and divisions of items including the hose. Most states if the house was closed (the sale went through and ownership fully transferred) after your wedding date you are still both have owners, some states don't follow that. If you can't find your counties family law center go to where you would file your divorce and they will tell you that information. Because the length of your marrage and even how long he has been buying effects your rights if any to at least part ownership

Answer 6

It's not you. First you have to believe in yourself. I don't know why people cheat, especially when married and have children. Could be the excitement of getting caught.

I say get some couples counseling. You see it in black and white, so you know exactly what he is doing. He just has to find out why he is doing it and has to stop.

It might be scaring him with such a heavy responsibility of having to raise a child and so he is acting out in this way. If you can mend it ...try. You have a child together and it is so important for you both to raise this child together. Ask him to be honest with you and have a serious discussion. Put all your feelings out there on the table and see what he has to say. Suggest counseling...see what he says. That should be a clue, if he wants to go or not. If he doesn't then I would say ...he may be doing this to get you to leave him.

Answer 7

You can be the most attractive woman in the world but if you two don't click than it just doesn't matter. It sounds like (don't take offense) you're a bit insecure. Guys look at porn, guys go to strip clubs - especially married guys. It doesn't mean he doesn't love you at all. From experience, having a kid really puts a strain on a young relationship. Did you two marry because you were pregnant? I hope not.

$400 is a lot of money to piss away at a strip club, but it is better than $400 spent on having dinner with another woman. Strip clubs are not cheating. Porn on the computer is not cheating.

Have you talked about what you both want out of your relationship? Maybe you're on different pages. Maybe you both want the same thing but he thinks it can't happen in his chosen career path and he's slowly giving up. Guys do dumb things often without thinking about the long term effects of their actions. It's not you, it's him. The only thing that you can do is communicate. You probably don't want to hear this, but you may be better off getting out now than wasting 10 years or 25 years of your life. Or, this may just be temporary and things will settle down. Talk to him - don't try to force things out of him - just talk and see if you can find out what he wants.

Answer 8

Staying together for children is never the answer. She will just grow up watching you fight and learn that adult relationships are not based on trust or love, but on a need to be together.
Questions that you should ask yourself:
Do you love him?
Do you trust him
Do you want to spend your life with him?
If any of the above have been answered no, you really need to be truthful with yourself and ask if this will change in the very near future. If you think it will please make sure you understand how and what steps you need to take to make this happen as you can not enforce the changes needed on him. If you can make the changes then maybe this could work, if not I would recommend moving on now.
It may be hard at first, and it is easy for an outsider to say, however if you can't change your needs and you can't love, trust or respect him then you should not be together.

Answer 9

You both need professional help/advise. I have learned thru experience that once the cheating starts it is unlikely but not always the end of the line. Have you asked yourself if you can ever trust him again? If there is never going to be trust in a relationship, then it will never work. As far as looking at porn, I think most men look at it. It is just how they react to it that makes the difference.

Answer 10

Yeah, it sounds to me like he wants out, but he doesn't want to be the one to leave. It is like he is asking you to kick him out or daring you to. You can get child support and alimony if you file for a divorce. If he has been lying to you about this stuff, what else might he be lying about???

Either see a marriage counselor or get a divorce, that is the only 2 options that you have,
In time you will find a wonderful man that will love your daughter as his own. Just don't jump out of one relationship and into another, until you are absolutely positive that he is honest with you and you love him.

God be with you always and especially in your decisions. Luv, Juanita

Answer 11

There are guys who like porn. He needs to tell you he looks and ask you to understand.
aldo you really think he has had sex or just hung out with buddies at thease places.
Two things to do. Accept the fact that he likes the boysout sort of thing or ask him to not do it anymore. If he is actually having sex then that is grounds for separation and divorce.

guys and porn....it happens. He needs to be open with you and find a solution that you can both agree with.

This stuff should of been delt with before you got married.