of a really bad (verbally, emotionally and sometimes physically) abusive relationship?? Please remember that it is easy to tell me to just leave, but things are not always so open and shut. We have a house, car, cell phones, utilities, bank accounts etc... in both of our names, I cannot just walk out the door, I have nowhere to go. How do I tell him it is over and stick to that decision?????
2006-10-31 16:58:43 · 10 answers · asked by sweetie 3 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
I have a great job ( I own a business providing therapeutic services to children with Autism) and can definately support myself, it is the emotional piece, the admitting to my family and friends that I screwed up, shose a loser. The part that tells me this I am being punished for something, I belong here, If I leave, he'll kill me or himself all these things I know sound so lame, but seem so impossible to do. I don't have a place to go, I am terrified to pick up and leave, I can't seem to get out of my own way etc...
2006-10-31 17:14:48 · update #1
I don't still love him, in fact I can't stand the sight of him. He has a tremendous drinking problem ( I don't drink at all) and I think he's bi-polar or sociopathic... either way, I am tired of his problems becoming my problems, of being the whipping girl, of letting him destroy everything I saw as good and pure in the world.... I really feel all of this, so WHY can't I just leave??? It's all I think about, yet I can't seem to go.
2006-10-31 17:19:40 · update #2
I can't just tell you to leave, I'm not emotionally tied to your situation. I will however sugget that if you work, start stocking away something on the side. Start looking for another place preferably in another state that you can afford. I'm glad to hear that all you have together are material things and no children are involved. Material things can all be replaced. Sometimes you have to walk away and start over from scratch. Just because it's hard doesn't make it impossible. When you sincerely believe that enough is enough you will take that first step on faith. I wish you the best.
2006-10-31 17:06:53 · answer #1 · answered by Nikki 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
its called fear pure and simple.
i was in an abusive relationship for 3yrs before i met my husband and i felt exactly the same way you do. the only diffrence is i was only 19 and i didnt work because i couldnt he wouldnt let me.
dont be afraid to tell your family that you screwed up and picked the wrong guy we all make mistakes your family will not think any less of you infact they will help you because they will want this to stop. you must think of yourself.
you have already taken the first step by realising that you must get out now you need to do it.
pick up the phone call your family tell them whats happening and that you want to leave and you need help and a place to stay till you get back on your feet they will not turn you away they will help you and protect you assuming that they dont already know whats happening that is if they do and arent willing to help then you can still do this alone.
pack up your stuff not everything that will take too long just the bare essentials that you will need for you. empty the bank account the day you leave so you have money to survive change your cell number so he cant contact you and go to a womens refugee preferably one that is out of town so he cant find you. they will help you till your back on your feet.
dont leave it any longer get out of there before its too late
i wish you all the luck in the world be strong and be safe
2006-11-01 07:39:12 · answer #2 · answered by rosierotweiller 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I would without him knowing, go to the court house, first thing tomorrow and file for an order of Protection. That way, you will not have to be the one looking for a place to sleep. The judge will grant one if he is being abusive. If he is abusive sweety, let the cops tell him. They will give you tons of information and help with filing for a divorce and any kind of counseling in which I would recommend.
I know it's very very hard but after 2 relationships, 7 years apiece. I know exactly what you are going through. I would maybe write him a letter and let him know that because of the abuse, you felt this was your only option.
Worry about you. Don't worry about is feelings...remember what you said. he abuses you. he doesn't care about you feelings.
Time to be the author of your own book of life. Don't let him add any chapters. If you need someone to talk to, just message me. I would love to be a listening ear.
Again, I DO know this is hard but just do it. The only things he will be allowed to remove from the house is his personal items...clothes/toiletries etc.
If you are not married, the women they set you up with after filing an O.P. will help you with the legalities of that as well.
Message me any time.
Good Luck,
~T~
2006-11-01 01:08:47 · answer #3 · answered by ~*bUtteRFy~*~kISSeS*~ 4 · 2⤊ 0⤋
I hear you loud and clear woman!.....
I am in that stage of already told him it is over but having trouble sticking to it cuz he comes over even after i got a restraining order.
We had the sharing of material stuff and utilities, ect, but I just let that go. SACRIFICE. My credit is bad now, but I got away.
I can stay away, but when he comes around to "see the kid" it is hard to use the restraining order.
There are shelters that can of great service for you. Call 211 if you live in California. They have all the help and support you need,
You can't tell an abusive guy that it is over, cause they will not hear you and they will manipulate the situation to make you stay. BELIEVE ME. You just got to pick your stuff up and leave.\
If you are worried about sticking to your decision, a domestic violence shelter ( which is temporary ) would be the best suggestion I could give you. Good luck hon, Learn to love yourself cuz all he is doing is killing you inside out.
2006-11-01 01:01:18 · answer #4 · answered by beachgirl90 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I'm very sorry to hear about your problem. If you are afraid to leave because you feel you have nowhere to go, maybe he is the one who needs to go. If he is physically hurting you, that is illegal regardless of if you are married or not. It is not something you have to put up with. Even if he only does it once.
If it's because, as many abused women say, "I still love him," then you are actually part of the problem. It is showing he can do or say whatever he wants and get away with it.
If divorce is your answer, find a lawyer, get a job (or a second job if you're not comfortable with what you are making) and prepare- because it will be hard. Sorry, no easy answer here. Stick to your guns, and good luck.
2006-11-01 01:15:53 · answer #5 · answered by dpkissuperman 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Look for the positive. There are no children involved. Take one thing atta time. Resolve each item with both names. Get rid of anything that you owe on, and dont need...cell phone for one. You'll probably need an attny for the big ticket items. Where there's a will, there's a way. Why must the woman always leave? And if that's the case, look into the possibility of a woman's shelter. You need to take small steps before you're able to scale the mountain!
Determination is the ulitimate key to open your door to freedom! ;) You can do anything you put your mind to!
2006-11-01 01:11:18 · answer #6 · answered by iyamacog 7 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Do you have a friend or relative who can take you in and/or help you out with the money you need to move out?
Do you have marketable job skills that will quickly enable you to get another job and support yourself financially?
Is there a battered women's shelter in your area?
Start planning your escape now, figure out where you'll go, how you'll pay your bills ect... and find programs in your area that help battered women flee their abusers...
It's hard, but you can do it
My cousin did it way back in 1968 - she fled North Carolina and came to New York City - and they didn't even have battered women shelters or anything back then.. She was able to make a great life for herself here (she currently works helping single moms collect child support from deadbeat dads)... and you'll be able to rise up above this guy and make a great life for yourself too..
Good luck!!!
2006-11-01 01:08:47 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
"i cannot just walk out of the door, I have nowhere to go"--let me start by saying I feel for you, it is tough, whether you love him or hate him. The best advice I can give you is to not dwell, find happiness and peace inside yourself NOW, in your current situation, get your mind right first. When you are READY, You won't post on "answers", You won't worry about "house, car, cell phones, utilities, bank accounts". You WILL find a way, and you WILL leave. Right now you are putting too much pressure on yourself, it will just stress you out and have you second guessing yourself. May God bless you and keep you safe.
2006-11-01 01:52:52 · answer #8 · answered by milkmansbaby 3 · 1⤊ 1⤋
No, i hate when people say "just leave" to people like you. I agree, it's just not that simple.
Do you have any emergency woman's refuges in your area?
Have you tried planning to put some money away in a secret bank account untill you would have enough to make a start on your own?
Maybe some of these things could help?
2006-11-01 01:05:31 · answer #9 · answered by harttattoo 3 · 3⤊ 0⤋
Yes you can,if he hurt or kills you,who gets the money?Call the police if he hits you again,have him locked up.Get a restraining order and get a lawyer to help you split up the property.Just like a divorce.Trying to stay together because of money or property is nuts.Is your life worth it?
2006-11-01 01:05:25 · answer #10 · answered by master_der_man 6 · 2⤊ 0⤋