He works a LOT as a mortgage banker (about 12+ hrs a day during week, and usually at least 4-5 hours on the weekend). I work too, but usually 40-45 hrs/week. I'm also trying to pass the CPA exam... he stays at home when he's not working, which I appreciate, and we watch tv etc. but I've asked him nicely, on several occasions, that I would just love it if he took me somewhere - even something very simple like taking me to Barnes and Noble to hang out. He just wants to sit around! What can I do that will make him want to make more of an effort? Serious answers only please.
2006-10-31 16:15:16 · 9 answers · asked by Mishy 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
NOTE: I have tried very nicely asking, cajoling etc. My husband is irrationallty restaurant-averse (always replying to my invites/ideas with "...you can get yourself something...but can just eat
2006-10-31 16:42:09 · update #1
He's too lazy for sex even - it has been months - I don't mind actually as I am usually so tired too, from working and studying.... we just have that cozy family feeling at our apartment.
2006-10-31 16:44:25 · update #2
Thanks Johnna for the idea - glad to hear it worked for you. However, with my husband's Pakistani Muslim background I think hell would freeze over before he would consider that.... he's shy about nudity etc. around me even (i.e. getting in and out of shower, changing clothes etc.). I am Christian and was born and raised here but am of Pakistani descent... plus I was on the swim team so I'm way less modest than he is! Thanks for the idea though!!! I will keep thinking of something else to get his interest... seriously anytime I'm like "hey! I know! Let's go to ________! Yay - that sounds so cool/fun etc," he's ALWAYS like: "....nooo... maybe tomorrow/next weekend etc. etc....." Without fail this happens EVERY SINGLE TIME I ask him to go anywhere! As a woman with lots of friends/family etc. I always find myself having to go to something or another that I don't really feel like going to but I do for the sake of my friendships.... he won't even do it for me - his wife!
2006-10-31 17:19:27 · update #3
Guys have a huge need to know that they can both cut it in this world and also feel like their contributions have an impact. The biggest emotional lift a guy can have is when he sees that his girl is in his corner, and that she is noticing that he's good at what he does, that his contributions matter, and that his efforts are appreciated.
I suspect that as you try to find ways to appreciate his abilities, over a fairly short period of time, he'll remember and realize why he picked you and he'll desire, despite the tiredness, to spend some quality time with you.
2006-10-31 17:48:23 · answer #1 · answered by ? 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Mishy, tell you a little secret about guys [WE HATE HINTS]
If you want your husband to take you out on dates, you've got to flat out tell him!!!
Yes, I know that doesn't fit in with most women's magical thinking-oriented idea of "romance" - where the man is supposed to be a mind reader and guess what his woman's desires are - but, let's face it, he's a banker who works 65 hours and 6 days a week and you're an accountant who works 45 hours and 5 days a week... you guys simply don't have time for games...
It might just mean that, since you have the shorter work week, YOU might have to take the initiative to plan your dates (yes, I know most women HATE having to initiate stuff like that).
You might have to call him at his office, on a day when you are pretty sure he'll have some free time that evening, and ask him if you two could go out to Barnes and Noble after work to have some coffee and browse the bookshelves...
He will probably appreciate the gesture, and you guys might even end up doing this on a regular basis (maybe on Wednesday nights or whatever evening is good for him).... it'll help your relationship, and take a lot of pressure off him...
Now, I should point out, this isn't going to "make him.. make more of an effort" ...but hey, every really good relationship is a two-way street, right?
2006-11-01 00:30:11 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
you want him to do a trick that you haven't taught him yet, you need to be a better trainer. not all men come from their mothers army knowing all things, teach us and we'll use the new tricks we just learned to get you into bed, if the trick fails in producing a night of sex then trick will not be repeated ever again.
stop trying to beat around the bush, come on out and tell him what you want, not all men can read the female mind, even less under stand the female mind.
if he still wants to stay at home, understand that this is what he likes to do with his time away from work, are you interested in walking around a flea market in mud looking old car parts for hours, this is what your asking him to do, something he doesn't want to do.
bring home dinner with 2 new books from Barnes and Noble, and when you two need newer books he may just join in?
good luck with your quest, and remember that after reading other problems here your little glitch is what most here would trade for. be happy with what you have and try another approach.
2006-11-01 00:50:49 · answer #3 · answered by brian 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Well you can't make him do anything, this is up to you to initiate a date or a day out. I mean that is the only way it seems like it is going to happen. Don't give him a chance to back out make dinner reservations somewhere, Do a treasure hunt where he needs to look for the clues in order to get where you are waiting. Do something fun for the both of you, and maybe if he has a good time he may want to do it again, this time as his idea.. Good luck.
2006-11-01 00:20:34 · answer #4 · answered by melissa052572 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You cannot change him, you married him knowing this, i am sure. I have read the other posts, people saying you should trick him this way or play this or that game ..... Accept him for who he is or make it a big deal and cause yourself more problems. If he just wants to sit around and you don't, then get up and go.. Catch him later. Try only to change and improve upon yourself, never anyone else.
2006-11-01 02:41:45 · answer #5 · answered by milkmansbaby 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Ok, so I'm not a married man, but I had the same problem in my long term relationship...until I made arrangements for the two of us to go to a "clothing optional" spa for his birthday.
He looks forward to the weekends now, and makes the reservations himself.
2006-11-01 01:05:08 · answer #6 · answered by Johnna L 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
In the evening when he is home ask him if he wants to go to dinner then movie or you can just do one thing. My husband usually does not refuse going out to dinner.
Ask him, honey I want to find a book so please come and help me.
2006-11-01 00:26:07 · answer #7 · answered by observer 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Tell him what you want and offer lots of sex. That will do the trick!
2006-11-01 00:38:54 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
straight up and tell him. guys never get hints it's eaiser if u just told us
2006-11-01 00:20:09 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋