My boyfriend and I have been together nearly a year. For awhile now I am always the one who asks for sex and he puts it off a few times before he finally gives in. He seems into it when we do it but not really excited about it. I doubt that he is sleeping with anyone else because I'm with him most of the time and I don't notice anything suspicious. I want to be exciting to him and enticing, not be a chore to have sex with. I try to suggest new things and ask him what his fantasies are but he never really answers me or says "i don't know". We are on vacation in a tropical location and tonight we went to a sex shop at my suggestion and got toys and a video and he ended up going to bed early saying his stomach hurt. I don't think he was trying to get out of it, but at the same time I don't think using the new toys mattered too much to him. He says he finds me attractive and i'm not the problem. This is getting me down a lot and I've tried everything. Any ideas?
2006-10-31 15:54:13 · 19 answers · asked by Anonymous in Health ➔ Men's Health
I'm definitely not a prude. I'm pretty damn kinky and up for trying almost anything (except bringing other people in). Guys always say how they want a girl like me and then when my boyfriend gets one he could care less. I don't get it!
2006-10-31 15:58:14 · update #1
I've confronted him a million times about it and he always says "I don't know why I'm like this". He definitely has no trouble with an erection that i've noticed.
2006-10-31 16:03:03 · update #2
I think that problem is not in you, but in him. Maybe he hides something that doesn't let him do it. And more obvious is your problem to talk about it together. Maybe you should start a serious conversation, when you feel the time is right, and ask what could be the problem. However, pointing it out that you will have sex is not good...i think it should happen spontaneously....when you both just feel the moment. He is avoiding it for some reason, and being silent about it (try even beating the answer out of him if nothing else works) is not helping your relationship! So to resume:
- try spountanious sex, almost like nothing is expacted
- try relaxing him, and doing A LOT of a foreplay
- if nothing works, put him in a corner and find out what is a problem
All the best!
2006-10-31 21:57:21 · answer #1 · answered by lina_girl06 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Well, my girlfriend and I use many different positions, and we always find that pretty fun and interesting. I think having some sort of lighting on helps too, it adds a little more character to the sex. She has a couple toys, I've used them on her only a few times, she uses them every once in a while. But I think it should only take sex to make sex interesting. I guess it kinda depends on if his interest has been the same since day one. I think if the women is enjoying the sex then the guy should be enjoying it just as much if not more. And if thats not the case then I'd say he's possibly subconciously tiring or boring himself out of his own sexlife. Then again, this is just my opinion. I could be right just as much as I could be wrong.
2006-10-31 17:41:56 · answer #2 · answered by Shane 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Easy Answer. Your boyfriend, since he can perform, obviously is not having any sexual problem. The problem is mental--but can be several things:
1-most likely; You said boyfriend. The biggest fear most sensible guys have is that they'll get their girlfriend pregnant. Even if you are on birth control and he uses a condom, that fear is there, and it can happen. A guy will have sex, but not enjoy it to the fullest if he has this (reasonable) hangup.
2--he may be afraid of committment. Constantly having sex with the same person, which is a great idea, also tends to lead both to thinking trhis is leading to a permanent relationship. You said you are together all the time, maybe he is having thoughts about long term issues of marriage, children, etc.
3. He may be bisexual. A lot of guys are, but rarely act on it. They will have sex with a girl, have girlfriends, even wives since that is expected in our society. But their sex life is not that great since they also are sexually attracted to guys as well. If they have not acted on their desires with a guy, they are definitely wondering about the grass on the other side of the fence.
Watch your guy, since you are at the beach--does he look at guys equally as much as girls, or at least make some repeat glances? Nothing wrong with being bisexual, if he is and comes clean about it, he may be a better lover to you. Maybe even bring in a partner for you both.
2006-11-01 11:24:51 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
it's so difficult for me to imagine what it's like to not be interested in sex. but i do know that i've been less interested during times when I was either depressed or stressed and had a lot of things on my mind--like unsolved problems or tasks to be completed. It's just so weird... i think maybe there's gotta be a door he could open somehwere--something he hasn't discovered yet in sex that could really turn him on. There has to be. It's up to you whether he's worth taking the time and energy to help him find it--but if he is he is. Just really talk to him about it. And he has to talk. Maybe he's one of those people where the psychological factor is a really big part of their sexual attraction.
2006-11-03 18:53:55 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I am kinda of the same way little different I get as much as I can while I can and than stay single for as long as I can.
Some people are just wired differently what can I say but there is no real reason not to get down at least once a week in a relationship.
I don't know I don't turn it down that's for sure. I don't know try music or a movie if all else fails. Music he likes!
2006-10-31 18:07:10 · answer #5 · answered by Bleed the Freak 5 · 1⤊ 1⤋
A guy saying no to sex means he either doesn't find you attactive or he doesn't know he's gay yet. Happened to a friend of mine, he dated girl after girl and he always said he felt wrong about what he did when ever they fooled around. I'm 26 and I've known him for 10 years and he just came out recently. Any real man (who is in love) would make his girl feel appreicated and loved no matter what they looked like. Good luck with that loser, if you don't love him then move on. There are plenty of guys the would kill to be with a girl like you.
2006-10-31 18:06:21 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 1⤋
leave him, obviously he will not have sex with u after 2 -3 years imagine that! and there is when cheating appears, tired of that person... many times i get mad cuz i want to have sex and my girl says she is tired, and I AM NOT...thats a problem.... but u can call me! :) nah but seriously, dont married him, if after a year is like that, u r going to be in those 70% of married couples that only have sex 0.9 times a week! thats less than 1 time a week! sad!
2006-11-01 02:09:36 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
this is causing your relationship problems. you are going either have to deal with it or move on. it really comes down to that. there are many many horn dogs out there who would do you three times a day if they could. i would say it is the lack of truthfulness and communication that is the real problem not the lack of sex. there is a problem between you. that should be more alarming then the sex. the sex (lack of) is the symptom not the cause.
2006-10-31 18:35:38 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
First off, you should give yourself a lot of credit for trying and stop feeling down about yourself. I myself being a guy can literally "read" you, like you ladies read us a lot when you're searching for the right stuff! ;-)
As they say, "trying is only half the battle." You really need to start developing chemistry and understanding men and how men think. How do you know that he doesn't have a problem that is bothering him? Have you asked him yet rather than focus on your own sexual desires?
It's your ability to communicate with your lover is what keeps the relationship going. There was a lesson to be learned from in the AP Series (AP = American Pie). If you have seen those movies, do you remember the part where the father tells the son that love is not about having sex everyday? It's more than that!
He nailed it right on the dot, like a "bullseye," like the dots on your chest! Hahaha!
It's the communication factor. How good is your communication with him? Are you two even communicating? Maybe you are suffocating him. Maybe he needs some "me" time.
You know what, if I had a girl like yourself that enjoys sex so much, I wouldn't even need those "me" time.
It's always the opposite way around where the guy wants more sex, but the woman wouldn't give it to them. You're a gem of some sort!
Have you tried sexy lingerie yet? Get him involved. Sometimes have him go shop with you when you go lingerie shopping and let him choose what he wants you to wear.
Personally, I think there is something that's bothering him.
You need to get that solved before focusing on ANYTHING else.
You missed out on a perfect opportunity tonight when he said he had stomach problems. Take care of him then. Give him massages, so that he can gain interest in you. Show him what type of partner you would be to him if he chose you or if you chose him. I mean, are you madly in love with this guy? Are you feeling the vibe that he's the ONE?
If "yes," then you got to get your game going. I would seek relationship counseling if necessary or if you even need it. My first suggestion is you have to find his heart first and then he'll eventually find you. Whatever you're not doing enough of, you're not getting to his heart!
If you really love him, then here's an opportunity for you. You should start building a relationship with his mother. NOTE: I said, "Mother" and not "Father." You got to be careful. Some of them old fogey's are sick fudge! Really! Be careful is all I can say. Hahaha!
Find out the things that he enjoyed as a kid. And suprise him with those moments one day. He'll be so awe-inspired that you took the initiative to go out your own way and learn about his past through his mother. Hey, you gotta really start using more CREATIVITY, my friend.
Another thing, if you really love him. Start talking about your dreams to him, about the children that you want to have in the near future. And ask him to share his also.
The best moment to talk about these subjects is at the dinner table, during a candle-litted dinner, either at home or at an elegant restaurant. At home, there would be more privacy and you get to create your own dinner plan. And afterwards, dessert can be sex. I'm just kidding. Be creative & romantic is all I can say to you.
You will win any man's heart!
Hey, you won mine for a second there just for being a chick that asks for sex! To me, that's romantic! Hahaha!
Take care now & good luck!
-GG
2006-10-31 16:25:01 · answer #9 · answered by Agent X-Factor 2 · 3⤊ 3⤋
Maybe he's impotent and ashamed of telling you that. Or maybe he doesn't want to have sex because it might ruin the relationship. Talk to him. You should be able to trust him by now.
2006-10-31 15:58:46 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋