I am a very emotional guy - my dad died of cancer and my first fiance broke it off with me. Soon after, I met this girl who was really special, but I was pushing everybody away because I was afraid of losing more people I loved. I really hurt this girl, even though I didnt mean too. I thought about her alot, but thought she hated me so I tried to move on and I met another girl whose dad was dying of cancer - I got emotional, I asked her to marry me before he died. Now Im so unhappy - I feel unappreciated and unloved and I was thinking about this other girl and I contacted her & found out she still loved me, so I started having an emotional affair with her. I lay in bed at night next to my wife and think about her - I close my eyes and feel the electricity in our kiss. So I told the girl & we got pretty down & dirty in our emails, but I got scared because Im supposed to be a good christian so I broke it off & hurt this girl again. Now Im terrified she will tell wife, more info
2006-10-31 15:48:47 · 43 answers · asked by stlsoulrebel 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
so I sorta lied to my mom about it an said my ex was stalking me so my mom called and threatened my ex and that is when she threatened to tell my wife. She told my mom - she gave her all my emails and IM's and the naked pictures I sent her. What should I do?
2006-10-31 15:50:10 · update #1
You need to tell your wife. You do not seem to be happy, so why are you staying in this relationship wth your wife. Maybe therapy would help?
2006-10-31 15:51:30 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
You didn't sorta lie to your mom, you DID lie to your mom. That was bad.
Mom did what all mothers do - defend their offspring. Then she got a heavy dose of reality.
Mom is going to have a hard time for a long time believing anything you tell her.
Plus, you've really gotten the "other woman" mad.
Bad combination.
Best chance to "win"?
Come clean with your wife. Tell her you think the two of you need to get some good Christian marriage counseling. In the counseling atmosphere, explain how you have been feeling about your marriage and how you ended up in the marriage. Express your needs for emotional intimacy and explain how this drove you back to the first girlfriend. Ask for forgiveness and help.
Hope and pray for the best.
2006-10-31 16:57:35 · answer #2 · answered by Johnna L 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Nothing excuses cheating...sexual or emotional. But, you can be redeemed. Stop e-mailing this woman. Stop thinking about her. You are only desiring her because you can't have her. The grass always looks greener on the other side; it rarely is for long, though. You need some marriage counseling or your need to rev up your marriage. Think about which you need most and get going. Put as much energy into revitalizing your marriage as you put into your daydreams and e-mails. If you find out you cannot make a go of your marriage, then get a divorce, and THEN, and only then, look up your first love. But don't count on "happily ever after" with her. That just may not be in the cards.
2006-10-31 16:00:45 · answer #3 · answered by Wiser1 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Well the good thing is.. you didn't actually sleep with her. Maybe you could really really stress this point.
I am wondering if your wife is just as unhappy in the marriage. I think there is a good chance she is.
In the end what is the worse thing that can happen? You aren't happy anyways in the marriage. Your mom already knows, that should be more hurtful than your wife knowing.
to bad about the ex though, now if you and your wife divorce, how in the world could you ever be go back to her. Bummer
2006-10-31 16:09:23 · answer #4 · answered by lily 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
If you're a 'good christian' then you know the drill. First of all go see your pastor and make a confession and let him give you some guidance. And by all means crawl to your mother and apologize for dragging her into this whole sordid mess. I don't know what you should do about your wife. If you're so emotional then she probably already surmises that something is not right in your world. Stick with the counseling because you obviously are not in control of your emotions. And I revise the suggestion about what you should do first...the first thing you should do is go straight to Jesus with this thing and PRAY PRAY PRAY. Go. Do. Don't waste anymore time freaking out and fretting. The sooner you do something positive the better it will be for everybody. The hardest thing to do is the right thing but the right thing is the best thing. Pray about it brother.
2006-10-31 16:05:56 · answer #5 · answered by valducci53 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Damn boy you are messed up!!! You need to grovel to everyone involved, starting with your wife, then your Mom, then this poor other girl that you dragged into it. And stop parading yourself around as such a good christian - what a hypocrite!!! Do you even go to church? If so I suggest an IMMEDIATE appointment with your pastor and you need to open that bible TONIGHT!!! You have to tell your wife before this other poor girl that you **** on does. It will not be as bad coming from you as it will be coming from her. If you really love this girl (which I seriously doubt) and want to stay in the marriage you will need marriage counseling, assuming your wife can ever trust you again and wants to stay in the marriage. I wouldnt blame her if she packed your bags and kicked you out. She deserves better, and so does this other poor girl that you **** on twice!!! Boy you sure have a funny way of showing you care about someone. I bet your momma will never be the same after she saw those naked pictures of you - something no mother should ever have to see - ha ha ha ha ha ha!!!!!
2006-10-31 16:50:06 · answer #6 · answered by theotherwoman 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Tell your wife. If your relationship is meant to last, she'll be willing to go to counseling with you and work this out. If it's not meant to last, well, you probably knew it already on an unconscious level and that's why you acted so stupidly in the first place.
#2, whether or not you wife wants to go with you, get your butt into counseling.
#3, cut the apron strings and quit being such a Momma's boy. Live your own lif without running to your mother or letting her butt into your business.
#4, start actually reading the bible. If you were actually a good Christian, none of this would have happened. You need to learn about Christ and Christianity. From now on, consult the Bible instead of consulting your penis. You've sinned against God and hurt your wife, your mother and this girl. Plus, you were stupid enough to provide evidence such as the photos.
If your wife dumps you, hold no grudge against her. You brought it on yourself. Don't get involved with another woman until your counselor thinks you've grown up enough to be a man.
2006-10-31 16:18:57 · answer #7 · answered by The Divorce Guru 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Tell your wife if you get it all out in the open now you either both try and make it work or you could end up breaking up and then you could make yourself happy Ithink you should see if you can work on making your marriage work first, surely you must have wanted to marry your wife for more reasons other than her dad dying of cancer you owe to your wife to try and make it work she needs to know how you feel or she might not think there is problem and why the hell did you get your mum invloved that was silly you are not acting like a grown up
2006-10-31 15:58:15 · answer #8 · answered by Maria W 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Come clean - with everybody involved.
This may lead to many bad things (divorce, and lots and lots of arguments, among other consequences) but hey... that's the price you have to pay for your conduct...
I know you were in a bad place emotionally, and did stuff you now regret - but there are consequences, no matter how understandable your actions may have been..
In any case, tell your mom you lied to her and sincerely apologize.
Tell your wife - explain why, sincerely apologize, and be prepared to go to marrage and/or pastoral counseling - and don't be suprised if you get served with divorce papers...
Hey, she has a right to be enraged with you and it's not like you guys have been married a long time or have kids or anything like that - she might just decide to move on and that will hurt like hell (and I genuinely feel bad for you about the pain you will experience if that happens) but you kinda brought it on yourself.
And, come clean with the mistress - sincerely apologize for the hurt you caused her, and for leading her on. If you are going to try and save your marrage, you'll also have to cut off contact with her (that will hurt a whole hell of a lot too... and I really feel sorry for the pain that will also cause you)
Your in for a lot of pain and misery, dude... I feel for you, but when you play around with people's feelings you're lighting matches in a room full of gasoline!!!
2006-10-31 16:21:09 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well..it sounds like your day will be coming around the corner soon enough. What's done in the dark will soon come to light. It sounds like you are a guy that's use to making excuses. AND all the blah blah blah you posted is a load of crap.
Regardless of what was going on in your life or anyone life during the time of your affair. The fact of the matter you are a married man. You have listed every excuse known to man but I was walking and tripped fell into her p*u*ssy. You need to grow up and take responsibility. You are a pathetic sorry excuse of a man, just one big walking excuse. What's worst you lied to your mother and got her involved. If I were the other woman, I'll tell too. In fact, if I knew your wife I tell her myself.
2006-10-31 16:06:45 · answer #10 · answered by Sunshinz 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
As everyone else has said you do need to tell your wife. If your girlfriend is threatening to tell her now. Then the chances of her getting mad at you again and using this same card are good. So your mother already knows the truth so she has something on you to. Once again tell your wife. She may leave you she may not. However you need to end this extra relationship you are in. The grass is not always greener on the other side.
2006-10-31 16:01:07 · answer #11 · answered by Mary 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋