I can not even look at my husband I feel so hurt that he would do this to me and our 4 childern. How do you move on
2006-10-31 15:35:42 · 27 answers · asked by maureen r 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Im sorry, this is hard but you do have 4 children you have to think about. There are facts you didnt disclose which would make a difference in my answer: is it one person he is seeing for 16 months? did you confront him about her and is he willing to give her up to stay with you? How old are your children, and are you capable of leaving him and taking care of yourself and your children? And the most important question for last--- do you STILL love him even though? and more importantly, how do you KNOW he FEELS about you? If you cannot honestly answer that you love him still and that you can live through this and you believe he still loves you-------kick him out of the house--- dont you leave, I dont know if it's the law in all states but in PA if you leave him, its abandoment. Since it is 5 weeks, I would call an attorney and find out how financially secure you and your 4 children would be if you kick him out. Hope things work out for you and your children.
2006-10-31 15:49:27 · answer #1 · answered by mac 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
find a seasoned divorce attorney ask if you should get a separation or a divorce, start whichever, your husband will have to move out. Once you don't have to see him every day you will begin to think clearly on how to handle things. Some states require marriage counseling. Talk with your parents/family (you'll need then as support and maybe an super adult babysitter). Once the divorce has gone thru and he's paying for the children and if you're not working you should be receiving alimony. At that time you could start to move on and re-start your life.
I don't believe in that "once a cheat, always a cheat" thing either. There is always a reason why a person cheats...and doesn't mean the next time around they will cheat.
2006-10-31 23:49:20 · answer #2 · answered by sophieb 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Wow...sorry to hear about this. Sometimes life throws us twist and turns we would never expect. I guess the big picture is to find out WHY? I know that you may not be ready for that answer and maybe even an chance that he can't even be sure.
15 years is a long time? I guess right now you need to talk about what is going on and where things can go. Find out if he is willing to turn things around? I don't believe in cheating and honestly think if one is that unhappy or even unsatisfied that they need to get out. People aren't perfect and maybe your husband has made a few mistakes. Did he tell you to apologize and move on or did you find out? There is so much that can come into play here.
I wouldn't say call your divorce attorney tommorow. I would recomment counseling. I am sure it is very hard to look at him in his face and know that he has torn your heart into millions of pieces.
This could either strenghten the remainder of your marriage or it could destroy it. It is what the both of you want. If he is unhappy then he needs to get out....if he wants to work on the two of you then I would say go for it. You aren't going to get over this over night and nobody can force you too.
Forgivness is a beautiful thing if he is worthy of it. I am not here to tell you to stay if you can't but I would at least say try. God doesn't give you more than you can handle and remember that. Everything happens for a reason.
Good Luck
2006-10-31 23:54:53 · answer #3 · answered by mtjs06 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Oh, I feel so bad for you. Get lots of support from those who really love you (family, friends). Cry sometimes, punch things sometimes and take it one day at a time. The pain takes time to lessen, but it does get better. Leave him, you will respect yourself better if you do. Get a good lawyer who will make sure you and your kids get what you need to go it alone - you have the advantage if he had an affair. Best of all, know that the saying what goes around, comes around is true.
She is with a man who doesn't take fidelity serious. she will get her turn.
He is with someone so selfish that she is willing to satisfy her own wants and gratification even though 4 innocent kids will be devastated.
Two people that selfish deserve each other and will end up making each other miserable.
You can make it through this this and you will be a stronger person for it.
2006-10-31 23:53:46 · answer #4 · answered by Get it Together 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
People always go the easy way out - divorce!
If you still love him, which after 15 years I am sure you do, go to counseling. Your hurt right now, take time to calm down and really think it through, then you can make a decision on real feelings, and not react with hurt and anger.
Good luck. From experience , the pain will get easier!
2006-10-31 23:41:44 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well, first u must ask yourself whether u want to give him a chance. if u feel u can't forgive him then there is only 1 choice, Divorce. U & yr children should go for counselling to get through it. I understand yr feeling as my ex husband cheated on me too. U must be strong as u will need to care for yr children alone. If u decide to divorce, get a lawyer to discuss how much alimony to claim from him, assets, bank a/c $, custody of children, house, etc. and move on fast so u can get through it faster and carry on a new life with yr children.
2006-10-31 23:51:27 · answer #6 · answered by Renew 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Leave him! Once a cheat always a cheat! Some men just don't know how to be men. Those types need to spend the rest of there lives wondering what could of been. Don't let yourself fall into a comfort zone with him. Get out and find someone who can truly love you for who you are. But you still need to let him be a father to his kids. Don't be one of those women who try to use the kids against him. They will only grow up to hate you for it. Be Strong and don't try and fight him....just pack you stuff and move on.....someone out there can love you and only you!
2006-10-31 23:45:54 · answer #7 · answered by dohm84 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
From the answers you have gotten i wouldn't take any of that advice these people are crazy and so are you. If this has really happened to you and you are bringing it to this site no wonder your husband cheated on you obviously you don't have a good grip on reality because this junk here is a joke a bunch of whacked up people here.
2006-11-01 00:26:46 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
My sister is in the same situation. Its hard to just get up and leave with 4 kids, I understand. Try a support group, if you're working do your best to maybe have him leave or move out and stay with family. Please dont stay with this man remember the saying "Once a cheat always a cheat". He obviously does not care about you.
2006-10-31 23:44:12 · answer #9 · answered by Crazy 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You are going to have to focus on the childen. Divorce is bad but the feeling of abadonment for the children can be devasting. Get them into to counseling as soon as possible. That way they can learn to harness any anger that they may have or personal guilt that they may feel if your marriage ends in divorce. If you think that your marriage can be saved go to a therapist that specializes in marriage counseling. If not...find a good lawyer...
2006-10-31 23:40:41 · answer #10 · answered by mshellrosie 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋