My girlfriend is legally seperated but she still lives with her husband and sometimes....?

Question

I dont know how to handle this. We have a long distance relationship and due to mainly financial strains she can't live out on her own. They have seperate sleeping quarters and etc. but I know that he is still trying to salvage their marriage from divorce. They live together and while they spend little time together and he knows about me sometimes I don't know how to handle this. They haven't annoucned their seperation to most of their family and only few friends have some idea but not even the full picture. They do have a son together whom is two and many of their joint activities is for the sake of him. Yet because they still live together some of the activities aren't like "normal" seperated couples. They go to the neighbors house for get togethers, out to dinner, and I guess if more people knew that they were at least having martial problems it wouldn't be so hurtful. I don't know if I am being insecure, jealous, or what...so please give me some insight as 2 how 2 handle it?

Answer 1

it depends how strong your relationship is, I sort of have that type of situation in the sense that i have been seeing this guy that i care about A LOT for a long time. But my ex and I have a child together and we do lots of activities with her together also. we take her to the park together and other places. Not only that but he still spends the night at my house sometimes but only because i work late and he takes care of our child while im at work, and he works closer to my house than to where he lives and he goes in super early (at 4) in the morning so its easier for him to spend the night sometimes. I do get along with him really good, way better than when we were married. As a friend hes a great person, but hes a terrible husband. And I do admit that sometimes i invite him to get togethers that friends invite me to sometimes not always. And I do it because they like him and tell me to invite him sometimes, i guess because we were togeher so long they are used to him. But that hardly ever happens. But for sure there is absolutely NO sex or any type of intimite relationship between us. None at all. I ask my guy how he feels about it, or if he minds it. I have explained to him exactly how are relationship is. He has met him and has seen him a few times. I just want him to trust me and so far it seems he does. i dont ever want him to feel uncomfortable or alienated or feel like im trying to patch things up with my ex, which im not! He means a lot to me and im lucky that he is understanding, i try my best to reassure him of our relationship and any questions he has about how im living i tell him, only because i want him to know that i am trying my best to be honest about everything and that i wouldnt do him wrong. I dont know if this gives you any ideas of how to handle your own situation but i just wanted to let you know that it is possible to make it work. I know it seems like it would be impossible and for reals, if i wouldnt be living this way, I would have the same reaction as all the people answering you above are. I dont blame you either for feeling like you are the third wheel. But like i said, for me, the only love i have left for my ex is just like a family member, the same way i love my brother or father or anyone in my family, I just dont look at him as a man I want to be with. It may be hurtful for you, because you may think you are wasting your time, but if she is the one who makes you feel like no other woman does then maybe it is worth your time. the only bad part is that you dont see her often because its long distance. I think you need to think this out good, because only you could know if your relationship with this girl is truly special. Good luck and I hope it works out for you too

Answer 2

OY!! There are SO MANY single women in the world, why do you need to get involved with this one, who apparently can't decide if she is single or not? Legally separated means nothing. She is still living with her husband. Are you insecure and jealous? OF COURSE you are! And with good reason!! This gal is having her cake and eating it, too. She's got someone taking care of her at home and someone on the string away from home. And her two men are probably both insecure and jealous of each other!! What an ego booster for this woman! This gal is bad news. She has not yet decided if she can give up the security her hubby provides for her, or at least she is unwilling to do so. Financial strains my ****! This gal is playing you both and you are both so gullible to let her. When a person truly seeks divorce from their spouse, getting away from them and out of the house is the first thing on their agenda. She is using you both. Find yourself a lady, not a legally separated tramp.

Answer 3

You are not being insecure or jealous. You are having a normal reaction, that anyone in your same situation would have. Honestly in my opinion, this is a dead end street. She's lying to her family so why wouldn't she lie to you, especially since you all have this long distance relationship, you really can't see the full picture anyway. I'm not going to tell you to leave her alone, but I will say 'BE CAREFUL'. Don't invest to much into this relationship until you see things changing. Step Back, watch ,wait & see.

Answer 4

As much as I hate to say this for your own piece of mind I would probably break things off until she is truly seperated from her spouse. This is not being fair to you. You really don't have a relationship with her nor the opportunity to get to know her and her son. I think you should move on. Find someone who doesn't have the attatchment still of an ex husband. This is just liable to get more frustating as time goes on. Good luck to you!

Answer 5

Face it....you're girlfriend is married even if a piece of paper says they're separated.

I think you should get out of the picture...there are too many people involved in this so-called relationship.

You deserve a woman who's ready to be with just you.

Answer 6

I'm sorry ---but there is absolutely nothing about that scenario that sounds like they are separated legally or otherwise. Separated means not living under the same roof. It sounds like your gf is stringing you along, feeding you a load of bs about the real status of her relationship. You should keep all your options open and by that, I mean date other women. Good luck.

Answer 7

Come on be for real..and stop living in some fantasy world. This woman you are talking about is still MARRIED and still LIVING WITH her HUSBAND.

You need to chill until she...
1. Divorces her husband and moves out.

I wonder what kind of lines/stories she's feeding you.

Answer 8

read your question as it's a question being asked to you, you may find that you know the answer your seeking, it's just your looking for anyone to tell you to do what you don't think is right, right? look at what your trying to do, you want her and it looks to be so does her husband, step back and let the two of them have time and space to air out thier problems, if it works out or not, time will tell. if she turly wants to move on with her life she'll leave him rather if she has any $$$ or not. it's at that point you have the opertunity to seek her as being free with no ties. so let her know that your stepping back and will be waiting over the hill out of their sight.

Answer 9

You should leave this relationship because its not going anywhere and sooner or later it will hurt you more than you can imagine. You are the outsider in their relationship and will always be treated as such. Don't interfere in a married couple's life...leave them be and let them try to save their marriage for their son. Don't be selfish, let her go.

Answer 10

Is your name Owen Wilson?

Joking aside...don't get too wrapped up in this relationship...it is very difficult to cut a strong bond like you describe and "jump into the sea" as it were...
Only if you don't mind hanging in there while they do the on-again and off-again thing...

Take it slow