How should I feel about my mentally insane father?

Question

Deep down and I mean way deep down at the bottom of my soul I feel explosive hatred for him. But it doesn't show that much on the outside. Sure...I might say it once in a while for ruining my childhood, reputation, education,etc...etc...but the least, he is still my father according to my mother. Why do I feel this way?
Well, to start with...after we immigrated to the U.S he only worked to support our family of five for only 6-8 yrs or so. He couldn't keep a job even if god himself helped him out! He argued, and fought with his co-workers, in addition, he is mentally slow when he needs to think on his own. So he stopped working since I was 11(I am 24 now). My mother didn't force him to work cause he wouldn't. So she had to work extra shifts and one day decided to make homemade tomales and sell them off the streets to make ends meet. She dragged me along to sell with her cause she needed help. I basically had to sit in the streets with her from about 10a.m to 7p.m

I didn't have time to do my homework or study because when I got home I still had to work for my mother. She didn't cook dinner until I fell asleep because she was busy making tamales, wrapping flower bouquets, and etc...I always was late for school because I also stayed up late with her to help her out with things. So basically my education went down the drain from there on because I couldn't concentrate on my studies. I had to rely on my friends for homework(meaning I had to copy their work). Well, this went on til I was 16. When I was in High school...I rebelled because I couldn't keep up with the pace cause back in Middle school I hardly did any work. I always skipped classes and my mother wouldn't even know until my counselors called her up but I always unplugged the phone line. Anyways, flash forward to 2005...my dad is officially mentally unstable! He didn't take showers so he ended up having lice grown on him, he took used soda bottles and banged them against each other and

I didn't have time to do my homework or study because when I got home I still had to work for my mother. She didn't cook dinner until I fell asleep because she was busy making tamales, wrapping flower bouquets, and etc...I always was late for school because I also stayed up late with her to help her out with things. So basically my education went down the drain from there on because I couldn't concentrate on my studies. I had to rely on my friends for homework(meaning I had to copy their work). Well, this went on til I was 16. When I was in High school...I rebelled because I couldn't keep up with the pace cause back in Middle school I hardly did any work. I always skipped classes and my mother wouldn't even know until my counselors called her up but I always unplugged the phone line. Anyways, flash forward to 2005...my dad is officially mentally unstable! He didn't take showers so he ended up having lice grown on him, he took used soda bottles and banged them against each other and

and made music. He thought it was fun and people were looking at him crazily like what the hell? Anyways, to sum up a long story...he stole my mom's payroll money all the time back then and gambled it all away. Which is also the reason why we were even poorer. We were very close to be on the streets if it wasn't for my mother's determination. She's my hero!!!
In addition, he still sings in the streets where large crowds are at and he bangs his hands on the garbage cans while he hums retardedly. *SIGH* I feel whacked to let my friends or even my future bf know that crazy person right there is/was my "father"!

Answer 1

no one can blame you for thinking that, that is a very hard thing for a child to deal with; but you must also realize that if he is mentaly ill, it is not his fault, you can't help your brain chemistry, and i'm sure he is doing the best he can; your mother is right as well, he is your father despite how much he screwed up
its ok to be mad for the way things happened but you should try to keep in mind that it is not his fault

Answer 2

I know this must and still is a rough road for you to bear. Your mother had it rough also especially being supported for you and your father. She must have been a strong wife and a mother to you!What have you done with your life since now that you are 24 years old. IT still is not to late to get that education. You could go to adult school. Theres classes day and night that are maybe 2 to 4 hours long. Your father could not help his mental breakdown. In away did all of this make you a stronger person? I just had to ask. I hope by now that your life is going a little easier for you and your mother....

Answer 3

You must understand that your father did not choose to be this way, and if he could have choosen to have been different, he would have. He is not responsible for what life has delt him. This is a chemical imbalance and illness in the brain that he is not responsible for. Instead of having heart disease, he has a malfuction in his brain. You also must understand that mental illness can sometimes have the tendency to be passed on to other generations, or he could have suffered brain damage at birth. More than likely, someone in his family could also have had it. It may skip you, but you may pass it along to your children. You need to find some peace for yourself and forgiveness for your father. If you go to church, perhaps you could talk to your minister or a counsler.

Answer 4

Hi I have mental illness within my family and I know that it is tough sometimes.Has anyone taken time out to take your father to a doctor so he can be diagnosed with his problem and what causes it?You should not be angry at him because he is sick I'm sure that if he had a choice he would be different.Prehaps his illness can be controlled with medication,they are really good now,and alot of mental conditions can be leveled out to were people can function normally with proper treatment.Take him to a phychiatrist to get him evaluated maybe its something very simple that can be fixed so that your relationship with him is not ruined we only live once,and he is your father.Best wishes!

Answer 5

Your question is how should you feel? I think the answer is " Dont think, just do. We have obligations to family. Your mother took up that challenge. You took up the same challenge when you started to help her. In the future when you can afford it, maybe get him to a mental institution. Some drug regimens can tone him down to the point that he can hold a job and be useful to the family.
Check with the mental health clinics in your neighborhood

Answer 6

Wow! i think you should feel however YOU want to feel. nobody can tell you to like/dislike somebody...it's just going to happen. you should try to UNDERSTAND your father and read up @ his condition to help you deal w/some of the frustration. If you are blaming him for everything wrong in your life, you may need to take time to focus on YOU and what YOU need to do to make your life the way you want it now. you can't go back and change the stuff that happened in the past and hating him isn't going to fix anything, and it's probably not going to make you feel much better.

Answer 7

yeah, there isn't much room for sympathy when you have your own problems. that goes for the both of you.