Do I grieve to much?

Question

Lets see. Well when I was about 3 years old my mom and dad got divorced because my dad fell in love with another woman. I'm 13 now but I still feel a stinging pain in my heart over that. My mom says I should go to a counselor...again. What should I do?

Answer 1

It's a painful situation and this time I think Mom knows best. You have been to counseling before...maybe just go for a bit of follow up. You probably haven't gotten over your feelings of abadonment from your father and need to focus on working those feelings out. Good luck to you.

Answer 2

Because your Dad didn't leave just your Mom, he left you too. Of course it hurts. That would hurt anybody. What concerns me is that you are letting those feelings trap you in the past. Do not allow your life and your self-esteem be defined by a single action that another person took (your dad) which was WAY beyond your control. It's never easy when your parents divorce. I was a grown woman when my parents divorced. For a long time it made me wonder if my whole life was a lie. Did he ever really love me and want to be with me or did he just stay out of a feeling of responsibility to raise me? I may never know. It doesn't matter. I choose to remember the good times and cherish those. Just the other day, 20 years later, my dad tried to explain to me why he left my mom. At that point I realized that it just didn't matter why. What's done is done. You can choose to pull yourself up by the bootstraps and keep going or you can choose to wallow in the what-ifs and squander the rest of your life away. What will you choose?

Answer 3

Sweetie, more then likely ur always going to feel a stinging pain in your heart for the rest of your life to some degree although it does get better the older u get and the more u understand relationships, but there will always be a void in your heart, perhaps anger, and resentment towards your father ..

Im 33 years old.. and i have great parents, but like u, my mother left us when i was 4.. and although i dont remember them actually being married.. because i was so young, i have always had problems with people leaving me..because of feeling as though she abandoned us.. I love her, she's my mom, and for the most part our relationship is great.. but every so often she'll mention something and i can feel my anger brew inside of me, the pain of a little girl whose mom left her behind to seek a new life..and although i forgive her , ive never forgotten , nor will i let her totally forget the pain that she caused my father and my siblings.. when she just acts as if her leaving only affected herself and no one else...

So u need to forgive ur dad for not being perfect, no one is..and people make mistakes and poor choices, doesnt mean u have to forget it.. but for urself u need to learn to forgive so u can move on with ur life.. learn from his mistakes so that u dont make the same ones when ur an adult, and never forget the feelings that u feel.. they will keep u from making the wrong decisions in life..

So although it never fully goes away, u do learn how to cope.. and you have a great mom that loves you and has always been there for u, and thats whats important, so stop dwelling on what u dont have in ur life.. and focus on what u do have, and those that love u, thats what counts..

Good luck..

Answer 4

I understand you feel betrayed by your father after all he gave his heart n love to this woman who you feel has replaced you.I feel for you,you are to young to understand how very different man and woman are.I'll try to put this in a way you will understand. Girls grow up thinking of one thing finding a husband then nice house then babies.Boys grow up with absolutely nothing on their minds but hanging out with their friends and getting into trouble .Then all they can think about is girls and how many they can get until they find the one they want to marry. Everything is good in the beginning until some one younger or just different comes along and nothing or know one matters but that other woman.It's sad how easy man can walk away from people they once loved . Man are very selfish I'm sorry you had to find out so young.

Answer 5

Yes you do feel loss when a parent leaves and doesn't come around much I think your Mom is right you need some kind of closer on this
.I lost my dad due to death when I was 3. I believe you need to settle this or you will have problems in future relationships like I did with men and making good choices.

Answer 6

Yes, go to a counselor. It's painful for a child in any divorce, but for years later to feel the stinging in your heart, you have to examine why you are carrying the torch for your parents?

Answer 7

well -it's to bad you are a child of divorce,but they will not get back together;after all this time,and that is what all kids seem to want.My daughter did for years,and she was only 6 when we divorced.Not because of anyone else-because of cruelty.So -you can bet your mother still cares for ,and LOVES you.You don't have a broken family-just a smaller one.Get help from a councellor;not a 13 year old friend,a professional who can help you understand the feelings you have.For the next few years your own feelings will be upsetting enough for you.Good luck.

Answer 8

10 yrs grieving is a bit mutch. Yes for kids it is so painful to go trough a separation. It is not your fault and make yourself happy, because the world is not a friendly place. The sooner you can get on with your life the better it will be for you. Draw lessons from your painful past and live on. You deserve a happy life....and only you can decide when it is.

Answer 9

Keep in mind that the hurt never totally goes away. The hurt eventually dwindles down and only 5% or so remains( as opposed to when the hurt just happens, that is when it hurts 100%). If this situation stops you from functioning normally in everyday life, then a visit to a professional may be in order.

Answer 10

why don't you give it a try. you really do have to move on with things at some point in time because it will end up hurting you if you don't move on. you are also at an age where you really start to understand these things, so that may also be why you are dealing with it now. i would give it a try because sometimes counselors can really help. what have you got to lose?