I have been in my relationship for a year and a half. We live together, and I know he is the one. We have discussed the idea of getting married, and he says he doesn't want to rush into anything. In my logical mind, I know marriage is forever, so what is the difference in getting married now or 3 years from now? But, in my girly mind, now would not be soon enough. What's up with me? What can I do?
2006-10-31 14:44:08 · 15 answers · asked by honk2goose 4 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
He has expressed that he does intend to marry me at some point, as long as things are going as well as they are right now. So, to again be logical, if he intends to marry me, why not do it sooner than later?
2006-10-31 14:48:54 · update #1
I think he is smart to be honest with you and tell you that he is not ready but if "down the road things are still going as well" he wants to marry you. As women we tend to take the first mention of the "M" word as gospel that it's going to happen with that person. In three years you could grown apart. If not, after that 3 years you would certainly know your boyfriend more than you do now and you would both have a better feeling of certainty that it will work. Besides, if he is THE ONE what's the big deal about waiting? It's not like you're having to wait that time out apart. You guys are TOGETHER. That should be what is most important. Just love each other and let things happen when they happen. Life takes a natural course. Don't force things or you will regret it.
2006-10-31 14:57:47 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Well it might be the ol' Bio clock ticking, but I think you are still a bit young to be having any anxiety over that as yet.
Maybe you feel something is missing from your relationship, & think that marriage would be the remedy for it all.
If that is the case then you could be about to make the mistake of your life.
I recommend that you keep the dialogue open on the marriage issue. Talk with him & share your ideas & expectations on what each of you guys want to happen in the marriage. Don't keep it light. Get down to the nitty gritty, & I don't mean about setting a date, or how many guests you are going to invite to the reception.
I mean, how many kids do you plan on? What church are you going to attend on Sundays, who's going to handle the money?
How much debt are you guys willing to carry? What are you going to do if you are both working, & you both have rewarding careers, & then suddenly a new oppourtunity pops up for one of you in another state, or country? Do you move with him, or is it a deal breaker? What about the extended family? Do either of you still need to be close to them? Is re-locating far away, out of the question?
These are just a few examples of things that could become bones of contention in a marriage. It would be better to get them settled one way or the other before you even consider setting a date for a wedding
The desired side effect of all of this is, you may put his mind to rest & ease any misgivings he may have about tying the knot.
2006-10-31 15:07:24 · answer #2 · answered by No More 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
He's not ready so don't push it...and in spite of your lovely fantasy that marriage is forever, in reality is rarely is...and that's okay...it should last as long as it's good and right for both people, which isn't often forever, but doesn't mean it can't be a great experience anyway...
You either have to accept that your guy isn't ready to marry and it could be a while (and wait) or move on and hope you find someone else you mesh well with, who is also marriage minded...
2006-10-31 14:47:27 · answer #3 · answered by . 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It is a natural thing to desire.Marriage can be great as long as you dont have low self esttemand wnat to get your sole sense of worth from your spouse for they can tprovide adn it would be an impossible false expectation for that person to accomplish. I am in sales so what I find is sometiems the moer you want something the more the vibe goes out and is a turn off although it is ok to let someone know you are itnterested.
I got married @ 26 and dont hink it harmed me but rather matured me.Ofcourse that is my humble opinion lol
2006-10-31 14:50:47 · answer #4 · answered by Bud 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Please don't push your man to get married or you may end up pushing him away from you. I did the same thing to my boyfriend. He is ready right now. But i'm not. marriage is almost like buying a house. once you sign those papers...it's i do for about 30 or more years. and no amount of excuses can get you away from that house note. Just trust that he will be ready one day. It's worth waiting for. :o)
2006-10-31 14:56:43 · answer #5 · answered by cfalways 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
well, you have these raging hormones... and don't worry... its normal...
see you have to just let yourself relax because it will be completely fine. i dated my husband for 7 years before we got married. granted, we are now 24... but, we did wait for a really long time. the longer you wait, the better it will be when you do get married. it really is best not to rush things because then you can forget what is important. well, you are normal though for your feelings! us girls are just like that. all you can really do is relax & rationalize things. what are your boyfriends reasons for waiting? are they rational? also, some guys just take a lot longer to come around, so you have to wait on them a little longer sometimes.
2006-10-31 14:49:07 · answer #6 · answered by christy 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Marriage, even the idea of marriage, adds pressure to your life. You should discuss it with your bf and set a reasonable timeline. Don't rush but don't put it off either.
2006-10-31 14:47:37 · answer #7 · answered by Plasmapuppy 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
It is normal for girl to look for long term relationship as you have spend your golden time in this man. Staying together was insecured as it did not have any promise or commitment from either party.
Give him some pressure. Talk to him about your planning and how you feel. If he keep avoiding this issue, or not agreed on what you propose, you might need to think twice about the relationship between both of you. I would advice you not to waste too much time with him if last scenario apply.
2006-10-31 14:45:19 · answer #8 · answered by Vangelis 2 · 0⤊ 2⤋
Why should he get married,, your already giving him everything a marriage would get him,, without the true commitment.of a marriage. He might have a different outlook on what commitment is too..
2006-10-31 14:48:36 · answer #9 · answered by kitkatish1962 5 · 1⤊ 1⤋
it sounds like you are rushing. slow down because you might be rushing into something that wasn't meant for you. dont pressure him to get married because then he is on;y marrying you cause you force him
2006-10-31 14:48:12 · answer #10 · answered by jumiboo 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋