i had an abortion....?

Question

i had an abusive ex bf....emotionally, physically, sexually, every way of abuse...he did it. he raped me more times than i can count, everytime i tried to get out of the relationship he would beat me. i was basically stuck till he was done. he got me pregnant, and i told him, if he would let me keep it, i wouldnt make him have anythin to do with it. he wouldnt except that, he didnt want to get in trouble for what hed been doin to me. so he paid his cousin to give me a black market abortion in May. I fought both of them, he choked me untill i passed out. then the next week, he broke up with me. My parents dont know about it at all. my sister does. my question is how can i get over this? it really hurts and i need help

Answer 1

You really need to seek professional help or help from a close responsible friend. Do not try to get through this by yourself.

Answer 2

You definitely need to talk to a professional. It could be your doctor, a counselor, rape crisis worker, etc. But you need to talk to someone ASAP! This is not something that you will be able to get over on your own. I know from experience. I've been raped and was in an abusive relationship as well. I also had an abortion when I was very young.
Until you can get into to talk to a professional, here are some hotlines and websites that may help.

http://afterabortion.com/
http://www.thehelpline.net/Abused.html
http://www.pprsr.org/rapecrisis/

Your local planned parenthood, hospital, or doctor will have a lot more resources to help you.
You also need to tell your parents, this will be much harder to over come with out their support.

Answer 3

First of all, my heart and the hearts of many of the people in this community go out to you. What a horrible ordeal you've been through.

While I can hardly begin to imagine the emotions you must be going through, I can at least try to give you some advice.

1. Avoid any and all contact with your ex and his friends. He's obviously dangerous.

2. Confide in your parents and ask them to help you get through this. Their support could be invaluable. Go with your sister for support.

3. Contact the police to file a report. It sounds like your ex needs to be removed from society. I just wish the criminal justice system was better at rehabilitation.

4. Seek counseling. Forget about Planned Parenthood. They're in the business of selling abortions and don't acknowledge the reality of what an abortion is nor the harmful psychological effects of even a chosen abortion. Instead, seek out a pregnancy crisis center. Your local Catholic church should be able to refer you to one in your town.

5. Pray. God loves you and cares for you. It's why I'm writing you. Pray for peace and for comforting. Pray for healing and the strength to get through this ordeal. Ask for His forgiveness for any wrongs you may have done and He will forgive you. Also, as difficult as it may be, pray for the grace to forgive the people who wronged you. It doesn't excuse them and it doesn't mean they don't face justice, but forgiving is important for your own healing and to set you free from this experience. I know something about this.

Resources:
* OptionLine: 800-395-HELP
* Rachel's Vineyard: 877 HOPE 4 ME (877 467 3463) or www.rachelsvineyard.org
* National Office of Post-Abortion Reconciliation and Healing: 800-5WE-CARE
* http://www.priestsforlife.org/crisis.html

God Bless,
Robert

Answer 4

first of all, your ex is an asshole and doesn't deserve to live. you need to report him, and his cousin to the police. tell everyone you know, friends, and family because these are the people who you can turn to and trust. also, have a physical done to make sure everything is ok with that.

most imprtantly, and i cannot stress this enough, you need to report him to the police. he shouldn't be out there, he is a risk to you, as well as other women.
the main thing to keep in mind is that this whole thing wasn't your fault!!he is the asshole who hurt you and made you too afraid to leave, and that's just not right. ugh, give me his address and i'll go beat his face in with a bat. what a ******* coward!!! ugh!!!!!
good luck with everything!

Answer 5

You poor thing. The best way to work through this is with love and support. You should tell your parents (they won't blame you...women in abusive relationships like that have only the man to blame); they'll be proud of you for leaving him and coming to them. Then you should either see a therapist or join a therapy group for women with similar (horrific) experiences. You're not alone and shouldn't have to be. Good luck!

Answer 6

I have had two abortions, they both where really hard on me. I got over them after years but I tried to kill myself and I suffer from depression. I can't trust men. Don't be me like. Get some help. Go to church ask God for forgiveness and see a shrink now or else you will have problems later.

Good luck!!

Answer 7

I know that you dont want to tell anyone. But if you go to the health department( Planned parenthood) and tell them what happened they can get you in touch with some help. There may be complications with the abortion that you dont even know about, and if you are not examined you could even become sterile. Mentally this could be devisting in the long run aswell as now. Please get help for your own good.

Answer 8

um - you need to report it! That is terrible, and your rights were completely violated. There are probably support groups for rape and battered women in your area - as far as losing the baby, that is something that you'll probably never forget, but you have to forgive yourself, because it doesn't sound like you wanted it. I don't know if you believe in God, but if you do he knows the true intentions of your heart - He will not hold you accountable for something that you truly could not prevent like that. I wish you the best in your future

Answer 9

GO TO A DOCTOR! First of all you need to take care of yourself physically. Second, as far as the emotional, see if you have a pregnancy crisis center in your area. My aunt started one in my town and they help women cope with the after effects of abortions.
(They can also provide adoption services and parenting services for women who want to keep their children.)

Answer 10

You need to go to a free clinic, they will know where you can get some free help. It is best to talk about it. And you will probably get some mean people on here with cruel responses, ignore them! Good luck, and I am proud of you for getting out!