My husband is a cheater however the other day, he claimed that he is going to change his ways. According to him, he is not going to lie or cheat anymore, he is always going to be by truth's side. I dont believe it. May be he has something different on his mind and i believe he is simply manipulating my thoughts and feelings.
what do u say? Can a cheater change?
2006-10-31 13:33:59 · 28 answers · asked by mind 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
People can change but it takes a LOT of work and true commitment. I think you are right to be skeptical. It`s not every day that an old dog learns a new trick. It sounds like he is just trying to say what he thinks you want to hear. I have been with several cheaters and they have all said that they would change and wanted to be commited to me and only me if I would just give them another chance. A couple times I bought into it and was played for a fool. I`m not saying that it is impossible to change this behavior, but it would take very hard work and professional help and even then, there is a chance he will revert back to his old ways. Don`t give in or believe a word he says until he PROVES himself to you. Stay on your guard and watch him closely. Maybe he will be the one in ten thousand guys who can truly change. Who knows? Just don`t be a fool and take his word as gospel. He sounds like a sneaky snake who is trying to manipulate you. Be careful not to get bitten!! Good luck sweetie! Hope you get rid of that loser if he doesn`t learn to treat you like the godess you are! Be strong and don`t buy his crap!
2006-10-31 13:37:34 · answer #1 · answered by Ex-Blondie 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
A cheater can change, I know. I have been there done that. I only cheated on my last long term relationship and that was because I seperated myself from the relationship before I was able to break up with him. A person can change, but I believe that there are some cheaters who will always be cheaters just because they feel like there is nothing wrong with cheating.
2006-10-31 13:39:03 · answer #2 · answered by Angel2 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I think that they can, but it will be an uphill battle as once someone cheats it can become a habit and they start to get a buzz from it. I think the hardest part is being the person who was cheated on, it is hard to trust the other person and even though they might say that they won't do it again, you will always have that underlying worry that they are up to no good. I think you have to be the one to decide if you can trust him and whether or not you can get over the worry and concern that might eat at you. I do believe that people can change but they really have to want to change, otherwise it will just happen again and again. I hope you figure things out and do what is right for you!
2006-10-31 13:40:32 · answer #3 · answered by pinkboopy 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It appears to be *very* rare.
Talk is cheap, and cheaters, like drug addicts, *intend* to change in the harsh light of day. But it is so rare for a cheater to stop cheating, moving beyond intention and into consistent lasting action.
It's partly because they are mild sociopaths - that have no feelings about hurting others -- at all. And it's partly because they are at once both selfish pigs and filled with contempt for their spouse.
I screwed up my Norstrom credit card when I was younger. They took it away, and said if I paid all my other bills on time for 2 years, they would *consider* giving me a card again. I paid all my other bills on time, which was really next to impossible because I was young and stupid. But I really applied myself consistently over a period of time longer than 3 weeks. I was so excited when I reapplied for my card.
After all that, I was turned down. It goes to show that [a] it is hard to change, [2] it's tough to be consistent, [3] those who have been hurt need lots more time to recover than those who did the hurting, and [4] even when you do everything right after you f*ck up, it still might not work out the way you want.
That's when you have to grow a spine and be a grownup and say, "I am getting what I deserve. This is the result of betraying someone who loves you."
If you sat down with him and said [a] no sex for a year while we re-evaluate where we are at, [b] slowly increasing amounts of trust will be given based purely on performance and not on words, and [c] the situation will be re-evaluated after a year -- I bet, as with most cheaters, he wouldn't last 3 weeks.
2006-10-31 15:56:29 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I want to say "Once a cheater, always a cheater." But I think that people can change. It may not happen as soon as you would like it but they do change. It could be the way they see how it effects the people that they love lives.
2006-10-31 13:37:29 · answer #5 · answered by fremme_venette 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I do believe that a person can change however once the trust is broken it cannot be fixed. I am going through the same situation with my boyfriend. He has cheated on me with so many different girls and now he has sworn that he has changed. Now he spends more time at home and everything trying to prove to me that he has changed. However, now I feel like I have been hurt so many times that all the trust is gone and that everything he is doing is too little too late.
2006-10-31 13:39:01 · answer #6 · answered by Sweetness 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I don't think cheaters ever change. I dated a guy once who cheated on his pregnant wife, cheated on me, cheated on his girlfriend after me (who he is now married too) and not too long ago he suggested that we should "get together" But hey everyone is different. I don't think you should put up with your husbands cheating, if you want to stick with it, work it out, put him on some sort of probationary period. But in the back of your mind you're always going to wonder if he's still cheating on you. sorry.
2006-10-31 13:39:17 · answer #7 · answered by NCMOMMAAC 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I hope he is telling you the truth. You have to give him credit for admitting that he has been cheating.
I recommend you two go get professional counseling together and not just one sided. If you want to keep him after he admitted to you, then you will need not to bring up the subject every time you and him have disagreements.
It is not going to be an easy road, but if you two work together and not apart then I believe you two will have a successful marriage. I have seen it before with other couples.
Good Luck to both of you
2006-10-31 13:52:54 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
I think a cheater can change because i was a cheater and i have changed but honestly the only thing that you can do is to give another chance and see if he does change. if not then put your foot down and leave.
2006-10-31 13:39:22 · answer #9 · answered by Mrs.Dennis 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I really want to say yes that all people have the ability to change but will they. I married a cheater also but he is also a compulsive liar. I think he has started to get to the point that he is getting to old for it all but the best I do for me is to give his tail to God cause I can't do nothing with him & I like keeping my hair in my head cause he gets me so upset like that from time to time. I wish you the best of luck cause I know it doesn't feel good.
2006-10-31 13:46:33 · answer #10 · answered by "karma" 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋