How do i get out of my depression (in grad school)?

Question

I am in grad school in math (2nd yr). I have been suffering from acute depression. I keep thinking about how low and worthless I am. Most of my batchmates who took real jobs seem to have both money and power, i have neither; i make $16500 a yr, less than a janitor. I am forced to bow to cocky undergraduates day after day. I hate teaching assistantships, they are more like having to lick up the stuff that is undigested in prof's lectures and feed it again. recently the dept moved me into an office no larger than a writing desk and now they are talking about whether grad students should have offices at all. I wonder what my fault is that I have become such a total failure. At times the pain gets so acute that I feel that if slitting my throat with a butcher knife is the only way out... so be it. leaving is not an option because that way I would have to give up everything i ever lived for. no money to consult a doctor.

Answer 1

Let me say first, that YOU ARE WORTH VERY MUCH. You are special and whether you want to acknowledge it or not, you are here for a reason. Now, I will assume a few things (dangerous as THAT is...). I assume you're probably not getting enough sleep, exercise, and/or nutrition. Any of those correct? Are you single? This can also be a factor. You are not a failure. You are likely exhausted and depleted. Rest is in order for you(i.e. a nap!) or just relaxation. Maybe get together with a friend or 2. Get some adequate foods into your system, maybe also some vitamins ( I would suggest B-12). Please don't hesitate to e-mail me if you would like to chat further. Hope I can help...

Answer 2

Trust me the high paying jobs of money and power are not all they are cracked up to be. I did the opposite, did not finish my degree to follow the money and ended up ten years later making six figures a year and surrounded by people that only cared about money and had no scruples or morals about who they stepped on to get it. I recently gave all that up and everybody thought I was crazy and I have been going through my own battle with my decision(s) and that battle sometimes manifested it self as deppression. Your deppression is in part from a struggle with your decision(s). It is being defined from what appears to you to be the success of others that have chosen a different path (trust me they are not laying in a rose garden even though from your vantage point at the moment it may seem that way) and by what apppears to be lack of appreciation for your efforts where you are now. One of the causes of depression is being in a rut and having stagnant neuron activity because of anticipated stimulus instead of new stimulus for the brain.

If you do not want to give up the investment you have in grad school and trully want to break out of depression adding new activities that work your spirit , soul , mind and body in totally new ways will be helpful in firing up the zest for life in you again. Again , take it from me often times the more dollars that go with the job the bigger, the more clever, the rats that are there trying to steal your cheese and if your friends have not found this out now they will even if they do not admit it. I did not figure it out for five year and it took me another five to admit it and have the guts to take controll and reevaluate my values and priorities.

Very important to vibrant mental health are light and motion. That is why I always find snowboarding on a bright sunny day or weekend so uplifting and energizing -- lots of light and motion, and infinte neuron activity challenge for the brain.

So best of luck to you , I have been where you are more than once, it will lift like a bad weather system, eventually. Or you can help move your self to sunny weather more quickly by some of the things that I have found that work for me that I mentioned above.

One last note , it may be the place and people you are with now that are dysfunctional and not you -- forcing yourself to comply with abusive enviroments or dysfunctional ones can bring on depression. If this is possibly the case, you may consider changing not what you are doing but where and who you are doing it with.

In the mean time, while you are working on these things get yourself some St John Wort's tea and have a cup ever night before you go to bed. You should find it does wonders for the mood after a week or two and some people report after just a day or two.

Answer 3

You are obviously very intelligent, or you would not be in grad school. So, I'll say it loud and clear: YOU ARE A SUCCESS. YOU ARE NOT A FAILURE!! I suggest the following:
1) "Go shopping" for a doctor
a) At your school's student health department
b) At your city or county health department
c) At a nearby teaching hospital
d) Even the police department. They would know where to refer you.
e) Ask a student advisor or guidance counselor for advice (I'll bet your school has some of those)
2) List your goals, and an action plan that will enable you to achieve each goal.
3) Show those to your advisor, to make sure you are on the right track.
4) Search for a different grad school.

There must be some help available to you somewhere out there. I wish you the best.

Answer 4

you have 2 separate themes right here that are exacerbating one yet another. One, being a grad student and coaching assistant particularly legitimately sucks. Been there. it is fantastically terrible for each and all the excuses you defined so properly. 2, you're depressed, that's a actual ailment and could be dealt with as such. Any good wellness care professional can get you on some meds that can assist you snap out of this funk you're in. now and lower back all it takes is a quick term dose; some human beings would desire to take them for the the remainder of thier lives. yet it is the main: existence. you're saying you're rather caught, yet it is in basic terms melancholy speaking. you many times have selections. (they'd no longer be stable selections, yet they are selections.) the 1st one you would be able to desire to make, as a private %. with your self, is to stay. No pastime, courting, or grad software is properly worth dying over. you would be able to lose face, yet you could walk away out of your existence today and commence over in a sparkling city as an irrigation representative. My factor is that once you get to the factor the place your organic and organic instinct in direction of self-maintenance is being overridden via melancholy, that's completely okay to throw all previous assumptions out the window. All universities have wellness clinics. won't be the ritzy type, yet they'd hook you up with some meds, which you desire, and a therapist. finally, tell a chum you have faith what you're questioning. tell your loved ones. sure, it creates a multitude, in spite of the incontrovertible fact that it additionally creates accountability. It potential somebody is calling and making particular you're retaining that promise to your self, which you will stay and choose the thank you to do it greater desirable, no remember what the cost.

Answer 5

You are not unique; there were days which I wanted to give up and say, I'll take a better-paying, crappier job that is not demonstrative of my skills and abilities. Take it a day at a time, because the end result is ... hell ... a graduate degree ... and hell ... some teaching experience ... and hell ... tolerance for others. You're having a bad day, try tomorrow, see how you like it. Remember that dealing with gradassts can be a chore, but it's all part of the endgame where ultimately ... yes, you can get the cash to talk to a doc. Peace.

Answer 6

dam your a grad with a job dam i never got that far and right now i don't even have a dam job. but i guess you never learned anything or just the wrong stuff. get some boots and kick yourself in the ***. that is where your brains are stuck and get off your *** and use that muscle to find a job that is worth it. don't stop til you succeed. start learning the lessons of life and use them to succeed. the ones you learned in school don't work so try and experiment teach yourself to make it happen. school is for theories life is for reality. learn to live and really use your brains. i quit my last job and i was making 40k plus a year. not a lot but enought for a while til i find something better as i am moving to be with my gf in another province. i can always get a job, ones that bite i don't last at, i move on

Answer 7

This is not uncommon. I went through this myself when I graduated from undergrad. All of my classmates went on to gainful employment. I was unemployed for a year after graduation. I went back to school and got my Master's degree and was still without a decent job. Finally, I was able to find a decent, fair paying job. Just keep trying. Continue to apply for jobs everywhere (Monster, Careerbuilder, etc.). Keep looking for entry level positions in your degree area. You are not worthless or a failure. You are just having a rough time. You have to keep moving and continue your job search. Things will get better.

Answer 8

Your university probably has a counseling center where you could go for a free evaluation and possibly even free (or at least quite cheap) counseling. If you have insurance through the university, you might also be able to have your expenses largely covered should you decide to seek psychiatric help. Search your university's website and you should be able to find some information.

Answer 9

BEEN THERE DONE THAT. SOME CLINICS OFFER FREE OR REDUCED HELP, MEDS COULD RELAY RELAY RELAY HELP. THEY SURE HELPED ME. REMEMBER IT'S THE ONLY LIFE YOU HAVE AND YOU MAY HAVE TO PAY FOR IT EVEN IF MONEY IS HARD TO COME BY. MAYBE YOU SHOULD TAKE A SEMESTER BRAKE FROM SCHOOL. IF YOU CAN HANDLE IT, AND FEEL YOU COULD GET SUPPORT, LIVE WITH FAMILY FOR A WHILE IF THAT WOULD HELP. APPLY FOR A MATH RELATED JOB THAT PAYS BETTER. MAYBE YOU NEED A CHANGE FOR A WHILE TO PUT YOUR PRESENT PROBLEMS BEHIND YOU FOR A WHILE. REMEMBER DR. FIRST. USE A CREDIT CARD IF YOU HAVE TO.