We moved to a new state, and since then, my husband has been less attentive. He used to buy me flowers or a card once in awhile. He still tells me he loves me, but does nto take the extra effort to show it. I suffer from depression and it has been worse lately. When I told him, he still has made no effort. I try and do special things for him. The more I think about it, the less we seem to have in common anymore. Our interests are different, and I do not like to argue. How should I approach this?
2006-10-31 12:05:46 · 12 answers · asked by rydhic 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
First, deal with the depression on your side as much as possible, including the appropriate medications and counseling sessions. My ex- suffered from clinical depression but simply used the day to day troubles as an excuse and never did a thing to help herself. After a while I simply couldn't reach her anymore, at which point she started telling people I didn't try to love her -- when in reality she had simply tuned out and turned away completely.
Also realize that if you have been depressed for some time, he is probably suffering from a reactive depression as well, meaning that as he has watched your difficulties, it has been hard for him as well. But if you stop trying, you confirm that it isn't worth his effort, so you can't give up until you find those special moments and make them what you have in common again.
Bottom line is that it takes a while for both hearts to get filled back up to the point where you can both be happy. Please, don't give up -- and God bless as you work on this difficult stuff.
2006-10-31 12:13:51 · answer #1 · answered by HeartSpeaker 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I can somewhat relate to that. I moved away from my family almost 3 years ago. I have a bf and his family is around where I live now. I went into depression but I got help.
Sounds like you really love this man. Give him a chance to adjust also. Give him flowers for a change. There is nothing wrong with that. Go the extra mile. Hopefully, he will see that you are trying and maybe it will open his eyes to the little things you are missing.
Also, it doesn't hurt to talk about "Remember When".....Love that song, it says so much.
Good luck.
2006-10-31 20:45:14 · answer #2 · answered by c_my_blueeyes 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
With men you must have their attention. Women usually talk way toooooooooooooooooooooooo much. Men get so tired of listening to their wives that they don't want to hear another word. Ever again. The trick is get his attention-then say it in 10 words or less if you can. Make an appointment with him-something to gain all his attention. Then just tell him and then stop talking. Be very precise with your words. You would be much better off if you could just start crying in front of him, but don't say anything-just cry more if he ask you. Once he seems to start paying attention, and ask again-just say " you don't love me anymore", and then shut up. Cry, don't talk. If he persist-then only give him 2 or 3 words at a time-no more. The trick is to get him to talk to you-"""NOT""" you run on with a million words. Remember ---if you can say it with two words-only use one. It works. Good luck.
2006-10-31 12:35:32 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
I would try getting out and making some friends. the less you are home the less there is to argue about. I would also suggest a date night at least once a week.
2006-10-31 12:14:22 · answer #4 · answered by jeleaya82 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
To me it sounds as if the MOVE is the heart of the problem and you may have a hard time dealing with the change.
Its like leaving your identity (old home) and creating a whole new identity and way of life. It is very traumatic for some, to move away.
2006-10-31 12:24:50 · answer #5 · answered by scott in minnesota 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
In that case perhapsit would be wiser for you to reduce your expectations on the man. I mean, alter all, you guys have just moved to a new place and everything. Perhaps he needed time to re-adjust himself.
Don't take it too hard on yourself. Sometimes it's just not a matter of whether he still loves you or not; it may just be a change in circumstances... take it easy.
2006-10-31 12:12:23 · answer #6 · answered by caterpillar 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You sound like you have beenn married for a while. Your husband is now settled in and if he is doing all the things he did before you moved like comes home at the same time everynight, and is faithful to you then don't worry.
2006-10-31 12:17:50 · answer #7 · answered by get the facts right 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
sometimes relationships get ina rut try spicing things up a bit and im sure he will reciprocate. If you let this go too long it ill only get worse. If you stil love him have fun with it read cosmo try new things and i bet he will get into the game and before you know it it will be like the old days
2006-10-31 12:10:43 · answer #8 · answered by Catie 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
a year ago, i was writing the same words. now i am rushing divorce papers to be done asap, so i don't have to see him ever again. he took my life, my happiness, my future, my home, my dreams, and the last thing we had, he stopped being a friend too.
2006-10-31 12:39:02 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
with love and kindness communication if all fails try marriage counseling and you also need counseling to help deal with your own depression good luck
2006-10-31 12:10:55 · answer #10 · answered by ladyrena12 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋