My marriage, help!?

Question

I have been married for about sven yrs and 10 months, is it just the seven year itch. My husband says he has fallen out of love with me and he only loves me because I am the mother to his kids. We have had a very rocky summer & trying to mend our marriage. We are moving to a different town is this a right move. There was another woman involved, but she I guess is no longer in the picture. I am trying to work things out, but I feel like just givning up. We had a big argument over me not keeping that place clean, I have three kids a 1 & 4 year, you tell how do I keep the place clean. Also we are moving and I have been packing the last minute, but we don't even have a place to move our things. Help, help, help!!

Answer 1

Here are some words that most will not like, it's not an excuse for what he has done in the past but just an observation of what he might have been going thought at the time, not sure all people go thought it but many men and women do...

your story hit to close to home with out me giving you my answer, most of the things that have happened in your home we too have had in our home with the roles being turned around on some.

first off your need to take some time and slow down and breath...

temptation comes walking past and it's easy to turn your head and look the other way, temptation walks past again and sure we can turn our heads again in the other direction, but when temptation touches you and you start remembering how it felt back years ago you may start to want more and more and in time you are willing to give it all up just for the feeling it gives to you.

The person that has been wronged has done nothing wrong and should not be the one that needs to change anything in order to "work it out". everyone does make a mistake every now and then and some make a very big mistake once or twice in a life time, if you can ever see your self getting over the feeling of him with another woman and can trust him going out to the store at 10:00PM to get milk with out question him the moment he returns home then I’ll say try working it out.

time is not going to be on your side for you'll want it back the way it was within weeks and this isn't going to be, it's going to take months or years for this to be accomplished and some times your never get it back the way it used to be. If the two of you are willing to work on it without any dead line set your going to find out that you are married to another person, and not the one who stood with you and said "I DO".

trust, desire, and love will return only when the time is right and don't try rushing into anything without thinking out the results prior, speaking of: if your not wanting to be in the same bed, let him know and talk over everything, this will help the healing and let both know just how the other is truly feeling. your either going to find someone that you just can't stand being next to anymore or your find the man of your dreams and find your self having feeling that you never had before.

as far as the moving deal, if this is something that just came up or if it's been in the works for years you will want to think about it for awhile, this might be just what the two of you need, a change in the way you two live your daily life’s. look at it as if you two are walking away from the temptations of the past and are going to be starting off with clean slates.

Make a point to sit down once a week and talk to each other about your relationship and the problems you’re facing during the week. This will in time not be needed but at the start of your rebuilding process you both are going to have question for each other and answer them with 100% honesty. If he is unwilling to do any of the things you want, take it as you’re being asked to leave for he doesn't want to invest 125% of his self into your marriage.

As far as keeping the house spotless with kids, ask for help; have him either watch the kids as you do your daily things around the house or the reverse. Talk to him and let him see what you do in a day’s time, this may be what he said is the problem and being one that has had this problem in the past with the house, this can be over come and is an easy fix. I have always had a saying of “ everything has a place and it better damn well be there” finding out that living in today’s world everything can’t be done so things are going to be let go and your choice is the daily cleaning. Weekly is appropriate with kids.

Good luck with your decision and if you think you’re walking down this path alone your not! That’s why it’s a path... remembering that all problems can be worked out as long as both partners are willing to truly invest 125% of themselves into working them out.

Answer 2

Get some marriage guidance help ASAP. You both need to develop skills to learn to get on better - open communication techniques, negotiating fairly, agreeing to sensible rules eg sharing the workload, cleaning, other stuff. We guys can change, but it takes a while. The number of broken marriages/relationships where kids are involved drives me nuts. Many are like cars left on the side of the road because the owners never thought of going to an A grade mechanic.

Answer 3

Are you moving away because of the other woman? If so, it may be a wise thing. If not, I would warn you about moving to a new place. Make sure you know or have friends there since you will need lots of support. You could try and make your marriage work, but moving to a new place and trying to adjust will take considerable efforts. If he does not support you, you will be on your own in a new place with 3 kids...

Answer 4

There is no such thing as "traditional" marriage, or the "traditional" family anymore. As a Christian it bothers me that there are so many other Christians that are so against gay marriage. The Bible speaks against sex before marriage - why not move to have co-habitation of heterosexual couples made illegal? Or how about sex before marriage for that fact? You may not agree with a person's sexual orientation but that doesn't make them any less of a person and any less worthy of equality. Tricky Mind says "maybe God likes gay people" - God loves anyone gay or straight. The sooner the right wing fundamentalists get that the better.

Answer 5

Oh, good luck and GodBless. I think that if you feel that there is a chance then you BOTH should give it an honest try. There is no chance if both of you don't give it your full effort. After that sincere try, if it doesn't work, then cut your losses - especially because there has been another woman involved. If he did it once then he will do it again. I hope for the sake of your heart and your children that all works out for you.

Answer 6

Find YOURSELF first. yes you can give the marriage another chance, yes you should go to counseling with him and yes there will be trust issues.
However, the feeling you have--that feeling of being trapped--needs to be addressed and discussed with a counselor. a good therapist, a decent clergy or a solid friend who knows what she's in for. get yourself clear, then decide on the marriage.

Answer 7

If, you have the same issues, moving is not going to help. First, deal with the cheating . Why, did he cheat.? The seven year inch is poor excute. Seek, counseling. because if she is gone and you move, he can always find a new mistress in a different town when times get bad. Second, see if you can afford merry maid part time .

Answer 8

You sound like you want to make it work and he doesn't Beware his lady friend is probably still around and that is where the louse is going.

Answer 9

If there was another women I would have ditched him.

Answer 10

ask him is he looking for a reason to leave?