if you read my other ??'s youll get a better picture. he has cheated in the past, but willing to work it out, now we have been having problems and i left about 2mons ago and now i know he is cheating for sure again. but i love him and i want 2 work things out but he says he is sorry he know how he f/up but doesnt give any signs of him wanting 2 work things out, i dont want to beg anymore, i have for the past 6mon, i know i should move on but how, how do i start, how do i stop calling him i know am only pushing him away, and i dont want us to be over, am i in denial!!!!
2006-10-31 11:49:37 · 12 answers · asked by why 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Its called self control. When you feel the urge to call him, ring a friend instead. Talk to your best friend tell her/him how hard it is for you and ask will she be there when you get the urge to call. You really need to find some self pride. What man wants a woman who snivels after him, who will accept all the sheet he deals out. I know I like a confident man. I am sure a man would like a confident woman as well. If he loved you, you wouldnt need to be on his case all the time. He would know if he loved you or not, so what are you trying to prove. Do you think he should be with you at any costs, even though his feelings for you are not there any more? You have to find some pride somewhere. You need to stop this self destructive behaviour. You need to find out who you are....find out your strengths, go out and join life again....surround yourself with positive people. Start doing things. It is hard, Im not saying its not, but you cant continue like this because you are destroying yourself. You are filling your head with him. Why not stop thinking about him for a while. Think about the things you are good at. Do a course, go get a job. Buy some new clothes, pamper yourself. Think about you, not him because it is obvious he doesnt want to be with you. You have to let him go. You are achieving nothing by hanging onto a situation you know is wrong. You may think it is impossible, but its not. You are the Master of your Own Destiny and if you are miserable by wanting him and he doesnt want you, then you do have it within yourself to change things. The only person you can change is yourself. You cannot change him no matter what you do and say. Let me ask you this. If he came back to you...how would you feel then.....you would be wondering every day if he came back because he loved you or he came back because he felt sorry for you. I would hate to feel any man was with me out of responsibility. I am better than that, and so are you. You should not have to beg anyone to be with. Get some self respect going, stop begging....you are his equal, not a poor defenseless person. You have the skills to turn this all around, but all you are doing is dwelling on things you want and cannot have. You have to start being realistic. Time changes everything, but you have to make a conscious effort not to contact him anymore. Nothing stays the same, and as much as you cannot imagine this right now....there is a man who is perfect for you, who will love you like you deserve to be loved. Your husband doesnt love you like that, so why are you doing it to yourself. The more you beg, the less you are going to feel about yourself.
I dont think you are in denial, I think you dont have any self confidence and definitely no self pride. Start doing things that will give you back some confidence and pride because what you are doing now is putting yourself down, you are making yourself to be this poor defensless woman.....and your not. You are no different than anyone else in this world, so why are you saying to yourself that you cant cope without him. You only think that way because you think it every day. Start doing/thinking other things otherwise you will always be in this horrible place. Start thinking about you. He doesnt want you back. Accept it and start the healing process.
2006-10-31 12:08:36 · answer #1 · answered by rightio 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You need to take baby steps on this. Don't see this as you finally got over him and never talked to him again. Think of it as one day that you didn't call, then the next, then a week, and do it that way. Yes, it does sound trite, and I realize how extremely difficult it is when you are desperate for something to happen the way you want it to, to do things you think will get it that way. Has that worked out for you so far? NO!
I read your other questions, and I have to tell you this guy does not impress me at all. I see a pattern on yours and other questions with unfaithful spouses, and that pattern is once it's over with the other man/woman they come back, but soon enough there is another opportunity to cheat. And you know you can never trust him again. How can you?
If you don't call him what's the worst thing that can happen? It's over and his kids see him, and you have this strained relationship but only have to deal with each other on certain issues? That's not the world coming to an end, is it? And maybe the best thing is he misses you, and your not calling is making him crazy, and when he almost loses you he changes for good? Kind of a fantasy, but the point is even the worst case scenario if you don't call him doesn't completely remove him from your life but does remove the pain and heartache being with him might bring.
2006-10-31 20:51:55 · answer #2 · answered by Chris 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
u fail to see your future here with him,it is about his thinking, his character, and his belief system. he will keep on cheating over and over again, because you don't set boundaries, u keep taking him back, showing him there are no consequences.u are in denial, u can't see the true him, because u are in love with him.he is sorry because he got caught. stop calling him, stop all contact, where's your self worth at?when u beg he sees your weak, and has no respect for you. u need to set boundaries with him if u do take him back, tell him what you expect from him, and what u will not tolerate, but personally it takes two to reconcile. u can move on by stopping calling and begging him to be the man u deserve, the man u want him to be, so far he hasn't been, and maybe he is just too immature to be this person.u are wasting time on this cheater, and obsessing over a man you can never be sure of or trust, your really wasting your life, when you could be out dating, and living.sometimes there is nothing we can do to salvage a relationship, sometimes to regain our sanity we have to just get out.words are so cheap, actions tell the story. if he was truly sorry he would be with you, doing all he could to make it up to you.u have a self worth problem, and u settle for him because u think it's all u can get, but that is just not so. we can make any thing happen we want to in our lives. we don't have to settle for less, when we know we deserve more.
2006-10-31 20:06:32 · answer #3 · answered by jude 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think you want him back because you think there is no else out there for you. But, this isn't true. There are many people out there looking for someone to be with and will treat you with respect and kindness. Every time you want to call him, remind yourself that you are better off without him. You deserve so much more than he is able to give you. Don't let him continue to walk all over you. I think you should start going to counseling so you can get your confidence back and find some happiness.
2006-10-31 20:08:20 · answer #4 · answered by cee cee 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I have felt the same way a few years back. I was living with my boyfriend we were both about 27 years old. He began an affair with a woman we both worked with. He one day said that he didn't think that he loved me anymore and wanted me to move out. The pain was so bad, it made me physically ill I would cry myself to sleep and hoped that I wouldn't wake up. If it wasn't for one of my friends who never let me sulk around her, she kept me busy and just being there for me helped more that anything. I at one point was begging him to get back together it took time to realize that he was never worth my love. I am married now to one of the greatest people on this earth. I'm so glad that my ex didn't take me back my life now is better then it could have ever been with him. I guess what I'm saying is that respect yourself life will get better.
2006-10-31 20:07:52 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I do not know the "whole picture". Do you have any respect for yourself? why would you allow this man to walk all over you? If this relationship was meant to be... there would be some kind of foundation that I'm not seeing here. Walk...no RUN away from this guy and find one that deserves you. Trust me, you can do better. Good luck.
2006-10-31 20:02:15 · answer #6 · answered by lacey0258 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You're loving someone who can't or won't love you back. It hurts. I'm sad for you. Feel the hurt. Then when you've felt the hurt and talked about the hurt. Let the hurt go. You are lovable. You have plenty of love to share. Move on.
2006-10-31 19:58:50 · answer #7 · answered by RockwallCat 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Just imagine his lips on another girl. Imagine him holding her in his arms. Imagine him doing her. Imagine him calling her and telling her nice things. Imagine him buying her gifts. Imagine him laughing with her and lying to you. Imagine his hands all over her. Imagine how much pleasure he gets when he's doing her.
And ... you're afraid you're pushing him away? Wouldn't that be the whole idea? It's been over since the first time he betrayed you. He has no respect or love for you. Face it. And get tested for STD's.
2006-10-31 19:53:00 · answer #8 · answered by Violet Pearl 7 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Stop wasting your time, it seems you're the only one willing to make an effort. If he is not doing his part, you can't force him to change or make him love you.
You better make better use of your time and love yourself more than him!
2006-10-31 20:16:16 · answer #9 · answered by the_memory_of_ashes 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
once a cheater ALWAYS a cheater dont do it find a guy who wants you for you and can committ and drop him just think of how great you are and how much you deserve better than him
2006-10-31 20:08:14 · answer #10 · answered by Catie 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋