I am twenty years old. And when I am married I will be 21 but I been with fiance for 5 years and I love him is this too young? our parents dont think so because they support us in this decision and believes we are soulmates, they are right because I can see no one else for me and we both have full time jobs, we pay rent. I know I am ready.
2006-10-31 10:51:34 · 25 answers · asked by Newlywed 4 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
we are not planning on children
2006-10-31 11:10:31 · update #1
If you didn't think you all were too young you wouldn't have asked the question....
2006-10-31 10:56:00 · answer #1 · answered by JennyAnn 4 · 1⤊ 1⤋
You've answered your own question. I have been married for 10 years and I don't think no one is ever really ready for what marriage really brings once you are settled in it. That means after the first couple of years everything is all so beautiful...it's called the "HoneyMoon Years".
However, you do have 5 years together and that is a good thing. That means you have preservered through some things. But there will be many more things you will go through. It's part of maturing and getting older.
I want to encourage you not to lose yourself in your marriage. Always know who you are and what you want because that is part of the attraction that will keep your mate loving you.
Set priorities together in your marriage from the start. Have a yearly plan of things you'd like to accomplish as a couple and individually and most importantly, learn to pray together each night even if its a one liner and keep God and his commandments first.
If you don't have babies yet good...wait and enjoy your married life together first. Once the babies come, there is not going to be a lot of time for you and your husband (that's a fact), so love each other as much as possible before having to share that love with a little one.
Much success to you. I think you may be ready. Marriage is a good thing despite what society thinks.
2006-11-02 10:24:57 · answer #2 · answered by Angel 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I don't really know why your asking this question unless you're admitting you have a little bit of doubt. If you really know that what you're doing is right, I'm not sure why you'd even be interested in the opinion of someone else. Also, it's great that your parents are supportive of your choice but the fact that you brought that up at all makes it sound as though you feel somewhat incapable of making this decision on your own without their help. Seriously, how would anyone other than you and your fiance really know if you two were soulmates? It's very good that you both have jobs and are paying rent but that's something you should be doing anyway even if you weren't thinking of getting married. It shows you're responsible enough to take care of yourself in some ways but that alone doesn't mean you're prepared to take on the lifelong responsibility of marriage.
I think there may be a few reasons why other people might think you're too young. One would be that you've been with this one guy since you were 15. I'm sure you've heard this all before but people do change a lot, especially from their teens to their early and mid-20s. Sometimes you don't notice while it's happening, only when you look back. It could be very hard for someone to believe that something that worked for you as a teenager could work for you at 30. The younger you are, the better the chance that one or both of you will/could have unexpected, major personal changes. That's a very realistic fear for someone who's 20 and wants to get married. By no means am I saying that one of you will stop loving the other one.
It's important for some people to feel like they've tried different things in life before choosing that one special person. Usually that just means trying different people. I think it's possible to meet more than one person that you feel you could live the rest of your life with, it's just about choosing which way you want to live your life. There's nothing wrong with making this decision when you're young but sometimes it's just easier and more realistic to do it when you're older. I've had a few long term relationships since I was 14 where I couldn't see myself ever being with someone else. That alone is never a good enough reason to promise to spend the rest of your life with someone.
A tough part of having a committed relationship is always having to take into account the wants and needs of someone other than yourself. I believe it's possible to find true love as a teenager that can last for the rest of your life BUT sometimes unrealized personal goals can upset that relationship. I never wanted children until I was 26. It hit me from out of nowhere. It really upset me because it wasn't how I wanted to feel and I thought I would never have those feelings. What if I had been married at the time to someone that had agreed we didn't want kids? We would still be in love but we would suddenly have a major problem on our hands. I'm not saying this will ever happen to you but it's just an example of how unexpected changes could make an early marriage very difficult as the years go on. Your love for each other may never change but the personal growth you experience in the next few years may make things tough.
If you're not overly worried about these things than go right ahead and get married. If all people did was worry about the reasons it may not work out then no one would ever bother to get married in the first place. I don't know your parents but I doubt they'd support this if they didn't think you were at least capable of making it work. I just think that most people would agree that it is a little more risky to get married the younger you are, especially if your in your teens or very early 20s. As for the moment, it sounds like you already have a lot of what it takes to begin to try to have a successful marriage. Plus, it sounds like you're going to go through with it no matter what anyone says anyway.
2006-10-31 22:52:05 · answer #3 · answered by Pico 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think you are too young. I married when I was young before I really was able to experience many things in life. I wished I had waited, if I did I wouldn't of married the same person. You may think you are perfect for each other now but, why are you rushing into getting married. What's wrong with dating for awhile longer so, you both can afford to buy a house before marrying and having children.
2006-10-31 19:07:52 · answer #4 · answered by cee cee 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Without emotion or thinking of the other person you are with now. Be completely objective. Do not consider the other person you are about to marry, in this exercise!! Do not consider any other person on earth during this exercise except yourself and a "perfect partner".
Ready? Go off by yourself. No!, not in the other room! Away where you can think clearly and without distraction. Where no one knows you and you won't be hit on by other men. Now write a list. Duh! Why didn't you think of this before? In the list include what you and only you like, no love to do. What do you, and only you with out influence from the past, want to do? What can you do and how will you do it. What ever "it" is it needs to be realistic, gratifying and attainable. Example: My list looked like this--She needs to have a good job, (I was 40 years old at the time) She needs to own her own home, she cannot have small children, she needs to be a risk taker (willing to scuba dive), have a mind of her own, I needed to love a mind also not just a body for the sake of sex. (you can get that anywhere without attachment) I needed attachment and dependability.
Getting heavy huh!? Well think about it-This is for the rest of your life, not for the rest of the year. OK-enough--hope this helps. There is a lot more but I don't want to bore you, but make you think about you being happy with him.
By the way--He has to make the same effort writing the "list for life". If he won't, or his list is WAY out of whack with yours--well guess what-you may have to re-evaluate the rest of your life with HIM. Marriage is way more than dirty sox, kids and sex. Live life deeply and have fun. I am having the time of my life with a woman whose list was the same as mine and we didn't even know it until she trusted me with her life @ 30' in the Carribiean. Now she has Leukemia and I love her more than ever! Sorry- I have to go I am crying---best to you--L
2006-10-31 20:18:27 · answer #5 · answered by polehooker 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I don't believe you are too young! However, the fact that you are questioning it enough to ask a bunch of strangers advice on it, maybe means you are not as ready as you think you are.
But hey, if you really believe you are soulmates go for it!
2006-10-31 20:17:53 · answer #6 · answered by Sandy 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I don't think you are too young, after all my husband and I have been married 10+ yrs and before that we dated since we were 9. Well "real" dating at 15, but girlfriend/boyfriend since 9. Best of luck!!
2006-10-31 19:37:57 · answer #7 · answered by sircbstp 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
no you are not too young --- we were married at about the same age --- so enjoy ---- make sure you take the time to reconnect and find the person you fell in love with because you may find in 20 - 30 years you are married to a stranger
2006-10-31 18:55:57 · answer #8 · answered by Waterdragon 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I started my first long term relationship when I was 17. I was with the man for 7 years. We grew apart. When you are that young you are still trying to find out who you are. If you think you want to be with him forever, go for it. If you have ANY doubts, think it over
2006-10-31 19:54:26 · answer #9 · answered by Angel2 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I was younger then that when i got married and we are still very happy.It has been 13 years now.I was 19 and he was 21..if you think you all are ready then go for it.
2006-10-31 19:06:02 · answer #10 · answered by mom0195 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
My wife was 18 and I was 21 when we married.....44 years ago and still in love.
2006-10-31 19:02:29 · answer #11 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋