Wise advise sought! Keep on going or time to think about ending it?

Question

Been married near 8yrs. Was a quick wedding at young ages - both trying to escape reality of our lives at that time. Been diificult time all the way along, but love each other. Husband spent many years (but not anymore) into porn which hurt real bad. We did the separate bedroom thing and separate holidays and councelling. Passionwise its lacking, but I get alot of nuturing and security from him and intellectually good. But he`s stubborn and a bit arrogant. I can see what he offers me in the relationship, but I dont know what I give him - and when I ask he dosent have an answer. But He says he believes we`ll be together till were real old. Weve worked through so much already, but sometimes I wonder if we should just go our separate ways. We have a kid together and I want a larger family (i`m not in my 20`s anymore!) I dont take separation lightly. To add to all this we dont have a strong support network, neither of us are close to family or have many friends that we see much of or share

Thank you all for you answers. I really appreciate the sincerity and sensitivity that was given. I have taken bits from different comments and have a bit of stuff to think about from them.
A few of you in particular stood out and struck a chord, and because of this I dont feel able to choose just one best. I`ll leave it with votes...

Answer 1

It sounds like a rough patch. But if you aren't sure then stick it out. Maybe you two need a little more counselling. But it sounds to me like you should be alright.

Answer 2

Wise advice......I'm not into boasting......people have told me I possess a certain wisdom, I deny it. Through word of mouth folks have sought me out, people I don't know, friend of friend of friend, hence there strangers. I remember one girl who knew right where to find me, knew my cell number. To make it short,we spoke a few times, she thanked me, bought me breakfast at Denny's, I never saw her again. I've pulled out a few points of your question that I think are good starting points.....we'll go from there. I don't do things half-a*s........no two line jingles......I'm going to try to help you. Getting married at a young age has always brought questions, your union has made that a moot point, by your seniority. I admire your attitude about marriage, it would surly have been over otherwise. Another thing, is your assuming the responsibility of your actions, one more fact, that's saved the union. I'm amazed at the admittedly wrong start, but here you are, good ,bad or indifferent, eight(8) years. What was the porn thing about, that raises too many questions to go into here, I do understand the pain you must have felt. My dear, you're willing to substitute passion for security, inteligent conversation, and a cheering section. I can relate to the fact that you take what you can get, but you're an important part of the relationship too, one major thing I see after reading the whole letter is that you're selling yourself way short. You'd be the first woman I've ever seen that didn't know what she brought to the relationship, in some quiet time you find for yourself, see if you can make a list of those things ok? Being a man, I know a line when I hear one, that "we're going to be together till we die" I've used that one. Having family contact can be good and /or bad, even bad, it would be there. On paper sweetheart, this ship would have been dead in the water a long time ago.....but it isn't. You know that quiet time I mentioned awhile back, you need to take alot of it, or take it in chunks. Read your own question, I'd be willing to bet, you could answer some of those yourself. I'm sorry if some of my remarks were harsh, at this point in the game, you need honesty, not sugar coating. You can still try to get responces from him, if not, you're on your own. You and that baby are the most important things right now. You notice I haven't just come out and said "just leave him" because maybe that's not the answer. You might have to be stronger now, than at any other time in your life.......I suppose because two depend on it. ALL THE BEST.........LATER

Answer 3

Time to think about moving on, not ending it. How much longer does "difficult all the way along" have to go on before you find happiness? You're young still with a lot of good times ahead of you. There is someone out there who will appreciate you and won't make it feel like such a struggle. But even if that doesn't happen instantly, you can be happy to be free of what was weighing you down.

Answer 4

You say you love each other and it sounds like you have worked very hard to get where you are. If it were me, I would hang in there. It may not be the most rewarding relationship in the world but you have the stability, the nurturing, and the security...these things, my friend, are very very difficult to replace. Hold on. Remember what attracted the two of you to each other such a long time ago and try to re-capture it. Good luck and all that.

Answer 5

Relationships take work. The mere fact that you asked such a long and well thought out question indicates to me that you want it to work. Don't just set back and expect him to suddenly read your mind, talk to him, tell him your needs, wants, and desires. Try to get him to tell you the same, it will take some prodding. Don't focus on the past or the negative stuff, look for and rejoice in the good things, then build from there. Good luck.

Answer 6

It's up to you. Do you really want to give up what you have already heavily invested in? Are YOU happy? This is your life. If you are not happy then maybe it is time to move on. You have to do what is right for you and your child. I wish you all the luck in the world. It has to be a horrible decision, but don't stay if you are not "in" the relationship anymore. You gotta have your needs taken care of. Good luck.

Answer 7

If he says he loves you, wants to be with you, what is the problem? Passion, do you have passion for him? Or you want him to lust for you, look into yourself, fix you first. it seems to me you are emotional, and because of such, your judgment may be really off. Maybe he is loving you the best he knows how, Maybe he feels like you only want him for sex and money. How do you let go of your world, if you 3 r all you have? Does he want to split, or are you just trying to force emotions out of him? Because you don't trust in what he says, its not sweet enough for you? 'm here if you want to chat

Answer 8

you say you receive good things fromhim, but you dont know what you give him, since he doesnt answer. this is a tough question for a guy, since they dont think much about what they rreceive from us, but they think rather about what they offer us. is the provider instinct in the man. so dont push this question anymore, since hes not equipped to answer it. thats why he offers the alternative "well be tiogether till old". after 8 yrs, its tough for the passion thying. try to schedule dates for you to go out. change your style a little bit, reinvent yourself, try to feel like a new person. i bet thats why he did porno, to look at different women, but at least he didnt cheat. his commitment level sounds pretty good. so i say hes a keeper. get sexual counseling now to spice things up. and feel beter about yourself, he chose you instead of porno and he sounds like he wants to stay with you. dont get anothewr kid in the mix yet, rediscover your relationship, take time for both of you. god bless you

Answer 9

Hard decision,but in the old days you stuck with your man through thick and thin,that's all I can say....Sorry